t work out. When he was in my life before I didn't see him for 8 years he wasn't really there. My mom's new husband adopted me as his own child, my birth certificate were changed to his name under father, and my social security was changed. Then I met my biological father and things didn't work out, I just talked to my grandmother , my biological fathers mom, and she is encouraging me to talk to him again. What should I do, she say it is tearing him and his girlfriend apart?
2006-07-31 02:46:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've never felt anything towards him as a father. But should I suck it up and do my grandmother wishes'
2006-07-31 02:48:51 · update #1
I don't really talk much to my grandmother, once every three months, and see her three times a year. But she is going through a hard time with my aunt and uncle having cancer.
2006-07-31 02:51:09 · update #2
No you shouldn't. In the end, what matters the most is what you feel.
If you feel nothing for this man and don't care to see him, then don't. Don't let your grandmother guilt you into anything.
I have been through the same thing and in the end found that I was a much better person and my life went smother without contact with part of my family.
2006-07-31 02:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all comes down to this: you've got to live your life, not the one people want you to live for them.
If you've given things with your biological a chance, and they just didn't work out, then you need to sit down with your grandmother and talk with her about it. Keep in mind: she's your biological's mom, and it's through the eyes of a mother that she views your biological. This is most likely a big part of her wishing that you'd be back in his life....she's doing the wishing for him.
Just explain to your grandmother that you and he *have* tried this before, but that it just wasn't working out becuase the amount of time he either has available to give to such a relationship (or else the amount of time he's *willing* to give) just wasn't satisfactory...you need more than that.
By doing this, you'll have let your grandmother know that you really have made an attempt, and that there are good and sound reasons for your decision to let things not grow any further.
Just remember to live your life for *yourself*, okay? Whatever the issues between your biological and his girlfriend, that's not your problem (and grandma is a bit of a control-freak for trying to imply that you're somehow either to blame or can help things).
2006-07-31 09:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by pblcbox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bother. My son's are in a similar situation. Your father is suppose to be there for you from birth and through out your life. Apparently he was too self absorbed when you were younger to play a part in raising you and too caught up in his own life to give his time to you. HIs girlfriend??? Who cares. He let another man raise you and be there for you. Why should you be there for him to smooth out a relationship with his "girlfriend". Blood is suppose to be thicker than water. He hasn't learned that......he should have learned that the day you were born if not way before. I'm not saying he should be your enemy but I think maybe your time should be spent thinking about the man who DID raise you. He is the one that WANTED to. Any male can be there for his 2 minutes of fame in making you. It take the REAL MAN to be your father. Remember your adopted father chose you. Your biological grandmother probably did all she could as far as trying to reason with your biological father about being there for you. It's not her fault. If you want a relationship with her I would by all means attempt it, as long as she respects your decision about her son and his lack of involvment in your life. He made his decision about you when you were too young to know, he may just have to learn to live with his mistakes. If you go the other route and try again, maybe you two need to seek a little counseling. By posting the question you asked here you aren't taking this lightly and it's been on your mind. A person trained to help you with how you feel and help as a mediator might just be your best bet in making it work with him.
2006-07-31 10:07:59 · answer #3 · answered by jescl32 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ultimate question here is do you want to have any sort of a relationship with him? If you want to have a relationship with him, then you can contact him. If you don't, then let it slide. He may be having a hard time with the fact that you don't contact him on a regular basis (if this is the case) and be wondering how to keep it going. (yes, I realize it is up to him if he also wants to have the relationship, but, he may not know how because of the 8 year lapse.)
Good luck in your decision.
2006-07-31 10:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by colleend01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in somewhat of the same situation. Why is it important that you get to know your biological father your step father did enough to earn that rightfully! Anyhow, what you need to do is get it all out of your system write down all the things you want to know from him ask him. Once he gives you answers to everything you should leave him alone and go on on with your life!
2006-07-31 09:56:46 · answer #5 · answered by souljagirpart2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could approach him with the fact that you don't expect anything fatherly from him. You could tell him that you would just like to know him as a person. Sounds like the problem is his girlfriend. I think it's great that you have a relationship with his mom, keep that up! Maybe he doesn't want to get to close, maybe his mom will keep him up to date on your life. His mom will be an open door for him in the future if he choses to get to know you better.
2006-07-31 09:54:19 · answer #6 · answered by cricket 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let him be happy and talk to him. u never regret it.
2006-07-31 09:59:02 · answer #7 · answered by manalonedubai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋