I am coming off of anti-depressants and feel like my little girl hates me. She is only 19 months old, but she acts older, She is SO happy when daddy gets home from work, but not me.
She will not listen to me, only my mom and her daddy. I just cry all the time because I feel awful when I have to yell at her or spank her. And she always seems to hit me and no one else. Otherwise she is a really good girl. It is just me she seems to hate. I do not know how to react to this. I love her so much, and I am getting afraid to even yell at her, because I want her to love me too.
I would appreciate some good advice.
2006-07-31 02:21:35 · 11 answers · asked by lovethebeanie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I only spank her if she does something dangerous, like climb up on the kitchen tabel to go after scissors, or tries to scale the furniture. I tap her on the butt, never anywhere else.
2006-07-31 02:41:04 · update #1
I am just surprised , that a 19 month old baby knows ?
To whom she like and to whom she doesn't.
I think at this age you have to gv more affection to her and all the things she likes.
I think , this is not the right answer , but I think you have to ask to yourself and you have to do some R&D for that. :)
2006-07-31 02:30:59 · answer #1 · answered by mast_marwadi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This can be a lot of work. Kids need consistency, and I'm sure that you know that if you've been on medication, it's possible that your behavior has been irratic. If that's true, then her little mind hasn't known what to expect from you from one moment to the next, and that results in a lack of respect and distrust.
You'll have to be there, you'll have to go out of your way to be consistent and fair minded. If you tell her not to do something, tell her what her punishment will be (always something reasonable), and stick to what you said. If you don't, she won't believe anything you say to her.
You can't stop doing the things a mother is supposed to do, like teaching and discipline, but spend some time doing fun things with her that actually share a part of yourself. You might teach her songs, and sing them with her. Teach her some games, and play them with her. Let her help you make a surprise dinner or cake or cookies for her Daddy - that will make her happy and it will be something you two shared that she will see as a unifying thing. Make sure she knows that you love what she loves - like Daddy, or her favorite toy.
Go about it with calm in your voice and your actions. You might not want to be predictable, but your baby needs you to be right now. She needs to know that if she needs help, you'll be there to help. That you don't only yell and spank.
What you'll be teaching her by doing these little things is that you love her, and this will grow into her believing you'll always be there for her, and be on her side. It'll be a lot of work and effort on your part, but in the end it will be worth it.
Never lose sight of the goal. And the goal is to raise your baby into an emotionally healthy adult who cares about the people around her and can function responsibly out in the world. Sometimes getting that lesson across is a difficult thing, but it takes concentrating on the child more than yourself.
Good luck, Darlin. I'll be praying for you.
2006-07-31 09:40:53 · answer #2 · answered by badgerhoka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I should tell you right now, it is NOT your fault! You did NOT do anything wrong. Children can be difficult sometimes, but it doesn't matter, because you love her, and she knows it! And you must know it to, somewhere deep inside you know she love you, you had her for nine months.
I think that you should not yell at here, and not hit her, because it is a wrong way to punish someone, special someone that young. She does not know right from wrong, but you do, so next time she is yelling and screaming, you put her in a corner or an empty play box, then tell her, that if she can stop yelling and screaming, she will get out.
I so hope that this will work out!
The best of luck!!!
2006-07-31 09:43:48 · answer #3 · answered by DeeDee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your familly is playing good-cop-bad-cop
Does her father ever discipline her? What about your mother?
If you're the only one spanking or yelling at her, yeah she's not going to like you very much. But that's not fair to you because you're trying to raise her properly. Talk to your husband and mother and if they're going to be around her as much they have to share in the discipline so you're not the bad-cop.
Just spend time with her, hug her, play with dolls, go to the park, whatver you ladies like to do. And once in a while, let her spend a lot of time alone with her daddy and gramma and you go out and shop or have a day with your friends. She'll miss you, you'll see.
Good Luck, and good job on getting off the anti-depressants, that takes heart
2006-07-31 09:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you have to continue to discipline her if/when she misbehaves. She probably just needs some quality time with you. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. She also may just be a daddy's girl. I was when I was little also. Have you ever heard the statement "do you love your kids enough to make them hate you" -- that is true -- they will feel like that every once in a while - doesn't mean they really hate you. At 19 mos - she's starting her terrible 2s. They start BEFORE 2. It can be a rough stage but it doesn't last forever.
2006-07-31 09:29:05 · answer #5 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She yells and hits you because you yell and hit her. They learn through example. Next time you want to punish her, take away a priviledge like a toy or doing something fun. At 19 months, she does not have the cognitive skills to know what she is doing. It is up to you to teach her the control she needs. This means you have to have control yourself, and you need to show it.
Babies constantly play favorites with their parents. They will cling to daddy one month and then mommy the next. It's totally natural.
2006-07-31 09:27:18 · answer #6 · answered by a sock 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, please stop spanking her. Spanking does no good -it only teaches shame and fear.
As far as her hating you, I doubt that. She may feel frightened though, because of your unpredictable emotions. Daddy and grandma might be more stable, so she feels safer around them.
Also, I think you could also use some counseling. I'm not judging, I see a weekly therapist, myself. And it's very helpful.
Peace and healing to you.
2006-07-31 09:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by Siamesecaterpillar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife tells me that my girls prefer me at times. I find that it soon changes when I tell them off as well as my wife, it means we are the same and neither one of us is the good one.
2006-07-31 09:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by m0rrell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
care about ur children more and communicate with them freindly. dont try to create any type of pressure on them and u will surely become a good mom.
2006-07-31 09:27:19 · answer #9 · answered by blacklad_666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be good to her. IT takes time for her to gain your trust and being there for her. Don't give in. She loves you she just doesn't know you yet. She will if you want her to.
2006-07-31 09:25:25 · answer #10 · answered by TMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋