i cannot not stand black roses , guess cause they represent harsh sadness to me. one of my brothers friends wants to put black roses on his grave, and i don't want black roses there , am i being ridiculous.? it should have been his 27 th b day. but he was murdered 3 years ago.
i appriciate that his friend helps me to make sure the grave site is well kept, but to me, putting black roses on someones grave when it should have been their b day doesnt seem right. please tell me if i am wrong for being this way. for 3 years his ex has trashed his grave site, so i am already way over protective of his grave site.
2006-07-31 01:42:36 · 18 answers · asked by Pussycat 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
my brother was murdered by his girlfriends ex husband and the girlfriend admitted to helping but the police won't arrest her. and the friend that wants to put the black roses down was in love with my brother.
2006-07-31 01:49:15 · update #1
If black roses represent harsh saddness and he puts them on your brothers grave then that just means that he is very sad that your brother is gone. on his birthday ask his friend to get a diffrent color if he would because black roses seem inapropiate to you. He should understand. But he is saddened by your brothers death and let him show it.
2006-07-31 01:48:32 · answer #1 · answered by gin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't be like your protective of his grave. Hes gone now, you should let go. Paying respect to the dead is one thing but being over protective of a grave that their is someone barried there and to say hes not really down their his spirit is alive somewhere. If your brother did not like how you are being treated you would know. Some how I would not want to be around this girl who was in love with him she is bad news. When you are murdered your spirit is not at peace. Sometimes those that murdered that are not finished will give you signs. I would seek a paranormal person that could help you like John Edwards or some other kindof mediums that are not fraud. Atleast you could know how that one feels and you could ask him questions. Anyways Im probably the weirdest answer on here. Happy Birthday to your brother and I hope that you are ok. Have a nice day.
2006-07-31 01:57:37 · answer #2 · answered by girl176a1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's OK to remove them as long as it's done without the friend's knowledge. I can understand why you're very protective of your brother's grave and why you might have strong feelings about black roses. Personally, I think it's awful to put black roses on a grave. I'd much prefer bright, cheerful flowers that would celebrate the memory and the life of the person. With that said, just be discreet about removing the flowers. No point in upsetting anyone.
2006-07-31 01:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by clarity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry for the lose of your brother, my sympathies. Second, if your brothers ex is "trashing" his grave and your have proof go to the police, vandlism of a grave site is a serious offence. And she needs to get over herself and move on.
As for the black roses, have you spoken to your friend and told him how you feel. Maybe compromise and put a deep red rose, and if this isn't your way, understand this is his way of expessing his grief and cut flowers only last a short time so it will not be permant.
Have a good day.
2006-07-31 01:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by micmare0499 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're wanting to protect your brother, it's only natural. I think that to people visiting his grave, the black roses may represent sadness and make it hard to celebrate the time you all had with him. Have you mentioned this to the friend in terms of an explanation? I would go straight from the heart and try to level with him, that this may not be the best time and that you want to create a celebration for his birthday, not a wake.
2006-07-31 01:49:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you this . . . What would your brother like?
Did he like black roses? If he did, then I would leave them at the gravesite. If he didn't, I would probably ask the friend, "What do you think HE would like as a decoration?", and then suggest to the friend to get what your brother would like. Also, offer to go "half-sies" if the friend is low on funds at the moment.
This way, your brother has a decoration that HE would like, and everyone feels better knowing that they did something for him.
2006-07-31 01:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by GottaGo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I would just leave it. I know you love your brother and you are trying to do something nice by keeping the grave the way you like it, but his friend obviously also cares and wants to do something nice for him. Black flowers aren't going to hurt anyone, but getting rid of them might hurt your brothers friend
2006-07-31 01:49:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also put a saddle made of black and red roses for a friends grave, everyone thought it was morbid, but this person I did it for ask me a number of years ago if she died before I to do it. As black and red was her favorite colors. It made a very beautiful saddle, Just think of it this way, what it we were all blind,,, COLOR is such a problem maker in all walks of life.
2016-06-09 01:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by sheeba713 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im am very sorry to hear about your brother, and i dont' think it's wrong of you to not want black roses.
just tell your brothers friend that it would make you to upset to see them and suggest he or she pick another color.
I can not believe someone, espically an ex would trash his grave yard thats sick and im sorry you have to deal with that too.
take care
2006-07-31 01:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by melissa c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a family member you certainly have that right. But your more profound feelings that you do not want to commemorate his death with symbols of sadness and grief is the most compelling argument. It is obvious that you want to celebrate his life; not mourn his death.
May you live in peace, reflection and happiness.
2006-07-31 01:50:46 · answer #10 · answered by ElOsoBravo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋