I need peoples opinions on this topic!?

Question

I went out with my boyfriends family the other day, I had a very good time, and I thought they enjoyed spending time with me as well. Then my boyfriend tells me that I offended his mother, by refusing to buy any thing other than the cheapest thing on the menu each time we went out to eat, and joking about how I always try to find the best deal, or cheapest thing on the menu or in the stores. He said this was disrespectful, I was raised that You never get any thing that cost more than you can spend, or more than what the person who is paying for the meal is getting! Is my logic wrong? Was I raised to believe wrong? Also while we were shopping, I would hold open the door for his mother and Aunts , he said that she felt that it seemed that I was trying to hard and that was like overkill, and made me seem fake, I was raised that You do that type of thing out of respect and kindness, I didn't mean to offened anyone. I feel I was in the right about all of this, but he says I need to change?

Answer 1

I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME AS YOU DID, AND IF HIS MOTHER DIDNT LIKE IT, THEN SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD SAID SOMETHING AT THAT TIME, NOT "SEND" HER SON TO TELL YOU.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. YOU SHOWED ALOT OF RESPECT AND IN MY OPINON DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.
OBVIOUSLY, HIS MOTHER WONT LIKE ANYONE HE DATES. HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS.
TELL IF HIS MOTHER HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOU TOO BAD!!!
IF SHE TAKES YOUR RESPECT FOR HER AS OFFENSIVE THATS HER PROBLEM NOT YOURS.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!

Answer 2

Well I feel you are absolutely right on your part and you do not have to worry. The way you were raised is not wrong, everyone on this planet has an individuality and whatever you do, you always have a justification for everything. It only depends on the one views at a situation. But i do not recommend that you should always for the cheapest items on the menu, in fact you can ask the people about you about their likes and you may probably order something economic which might fall under the category of their likings. As far as holding door is concerned it is a sign of respect for elder and no one ever can object or comment on that. I feel that some your boyfriend is too much interested in the cost of the thing or perhaps he is more interested in the materialistic. I strictly believe that whatever you buy for your loved one doesn't need be expensive always and focal point would be after all happiness and that is all everyone expects.

Answer 3

Don't change for anyone, girl!!! If he is that important to you explain to him how you were raised and that you were only doing what you were taught. I think making jokes about being cheap is a little much and if you wanted to get the least expensive thing then you should have just ordered it and if questioned mention that it is a meal you like and you hadn't noticed the price. Discretion is always a safe way to go. If I were you I would also apologise the him mom and explain that you were only doing what you were taught and that you weren't holding doors open to impress but because that's just the way you are. He seems kind of unreasonable. If he continues to insist that you change over small things then you should probably break up. His family sounds like it takes offence easily. I hope things work out and good luck!

Answer 4

You were right, to a point. I completely agree with how you were raised, I'm the same way, but maybe next time you could compromise a little. Get the next to cheapest thing on the menu. But I'd still hold doors, it's just the respectful thing to do.

Answer 5

My opinion, you where right, I wouldn't have opened the doors I would have let one of the guys do that but honey you where raised right, but I'll tell you this the next time you go out to eat with his family don't get the cheapest get what you want and if that doesn't make anyone happy to bad. Good luck

Answer 6

ur bf seems to be picking on u. maybe ur bf needs to change. i like ur logic. i think that u were trying to save his family money which is noble. when did ur bf tell u all his do's and don'ts. maybe he should have told u this stuff before u went out to dinner with his family. i would have done the same thing in the restaurant, as far as the stores, as long as u weren't racing to hold open the doors, whats the big deal.

Answer 7

No your logic is not wrong. I was also raised that way. By holding the door you were letting your elders enter first which is very respectful. Why should u change the way u were raised.

Answer 8

One of the few times that my mother in law came to visit she took me to a VERY expensive mall and wanted to buy me a gift. I did not see anything worth buying. EVERYTHING was so expensive. I asked for nothing and found out later that I offended her. I thought that I was being humble, she was offended.

I think that you did the right thing, it is not nice to spend other folks money in a way that you would not spend your own.

You should learn to accept gifts gracefully though because it is a nicer thing to do by letting someone else have the pleasure of buying you something that you otherwise could not afford......particularly parents want to treat their prospective daughter in laws to something special once in awhile.

Talk to them and explain how you feel and acknowledge their kindness and promise to accept it gracefully next time.

Answer 9

I don't understand he the man and your paying for the meals, why is he complaining? Isnt it the man job to pay for the meal?

About the door thing, he just doesnt know you that well and as he gets to know you he will understand that your not fake. Just be yourself.

Answer 10

hey, girlfriend, DO NOT change...u were raised right....when in love everything seems to be alright...please for your sake as well as his....choose carefully a partner who will adore u, cherish u, and above all accept u just the way u are...and love u dearly for u being just u!!!!good lUcK ur fine....u are a unique human being,,,with such sweet qualities,.....respect urself and Dont downgrade yourself to suit another....