Obsessive behaviour. Why do I have a fear of my loved one travelling.?

Question

I lost my husband in a car crash. I waited for him in the small hours of the morning and unfortunately fell asleep after his last call to me. When I awoke I knew something was wrong as the police arrived and they did not have to break the news. I have had terrible guilt since this incident and panic attacks. My husbands mobile phone was stolen at the scene of the crime. It was never found and I kept ringing it to just hear his voice even though I knew he had died. I lost a child in my early 20s and came to terms with this. However I still get high anxiety and have the obsession to ring people if my new husband does not appear on time. (He is very understanding about this but it does not help.) Silly behaviour from one who knows in their head that all is OK, but other strong feelings take over until I am driven to make a call, or take my car out to try and find my loved one, or go to someone who can reassure me. I am over 50 and cant overcome this even though I am a christian.

Answer 1

I think you answered your question, you fear the same thing happening to this husband as happened to the previous. I don't think anyone expects you to overcome this at least on your own, if you feel that you want to stop worrying to this extent then I recommend either your doctor or maybe talk to your Minister or a trusted elder at your church, if you are in a house group ask them for prayer.
Remember that the Lord is with you and will help you through this. May I also recommend Psalm 23 (The Lord is my Shepherd) it has always given me comfort.

Answer 2

It is no wonder you are afraid and obsessive with so much loss. I am pleased for you that you are a Christian and have this comfort. Unfortunately, there are some members of the church who are not as loving and compassionate as Jesus was. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

You do not say how long you have been a Christian, so forgive me if I am telling you something you already know. The opposite of fear is faith. Faith that God is in control. Faith that he will repay your loss double (Isiah). Faith that all things work to the good for those who believe. Faith that we can do nothing in our own strength unless God do it for us.

Please would you try this for 1 month. Put aside 20 minutes (either a day or when you start to get anxious or when you start worrying). Spend the first 5 minutes in worship (this is best when you begin with a short time of confession, a short time in thanks and the rest of the time in the form of worship you are best with) You can plan in advance the songs you will sing or listen to.

Spend the next five minutes reading the bible. Have a quick prayer before and after the reading that God will talk to you in the reading.

Spend the next five minutes In silence with no distraction listening to God.

Spend the next five minutes writing down what you think God has said in a prayer diary.

At the end of the month, review the prayer diary and PRAISE THE LORD! I have known many people who have done this, and everyone of them has gotten something from it.

God bless you. Remember there is nothing so broken that it cannot be fixed by the creator. Remember that we are body, soul and spirit. I am sorry that your soul has been so wounded.

I thank God for you. I thank Him for the love you have received and given. I thank Him for your very good friends. I thank Him for your church. I thank Him that he is preparing you to be a comforter. I thank Him that you have people round you to reassure you. I thank Him for your salvation.

Answer 3

i can understand your feelings and fears i am covinced i would be the same if i was in your posisition have you tried talking to your vicar/pastor/ church leader or if you feel unable to talk to them have you tried talking to someone else in the church or tried asking for prayer about your fears ( it is ok to ask for prayer more than once if the fears do not go away after being prayed for once)

you say you are over 50 as though that should make a difference well there is no reason your age should make a difference you have been through a lot and your fears are completely natural

Answer 4

I think it is normal, I would be afraid also, and traveling long distances makes it worse, it was not your fault, falling asleep while you wait is normal in most situations; even going to the doctors can put you to sleep, isn't it?. And as you said, you are a christian, I'm sure you have read in the Bible that soon all dead will live again, and you will see your loved one again. Probably you will want to learn More about it, I encourage you to rely on God.

Answer 5

when my mom died i was starting a new relationship and feared daily he was going to leace me because i lost someone so close i didnt want to lose someone else, and this is what you are going thru it is hard to overcome grief in your life first i suggest if you have any guilt get rid of it and dont let anyone tell you how long or how to grief when you feel bettter you will know and have the closure to move on

Answer 6

i suffer with anxiety too i i=haven't lost a love one but my man travels a lit for work i get high anxiety till he comes homes it normal but you need to stop getting that bad ring him twice a day and think good thoughts i know its hard but you can do it to take your mind off it go out to shops to a friends don't let this bother your life xxx

Answer 7

Your last husband's death was just an accident.
Accept it , it was not your fault.
It is obvious that you or anyone wouldnot like to loose their loved one.
But excess of care can create undue pressure and trouble for your loved one.

Answer 8

no need to