jokes or riddles?

Question

does anyone know were I can get some good jokes

Answer 1

1.-There was a blonde woman that needed some money so she went to the park where she saw a little boy. She then wrote a note saying "I have kidnapped your child. Tomorrow put $5000 in a brown paper bag and leave it under the bench that’s next to the pine tree at the park." She taped the note to the kid and told him to go home to his mom and show her the note. Sure enough, the next day there was the brown paper bag under the bench, with all the money in it. Also in the bag was a note that said "HOW could you do this to a fellow blonde!?"


2.-Two blonds where in Oklahoma. One says, which is closer: the moon or Florida? The other says: heeeeellloooo? Can you SEE Florida?


3.-A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde get lost in the forest. They start walking around, and suddenly, they find a mirror. It has a reading on the top: say a lie in front of this mirror and you’ll disappear to a better world. So the brunette goes first. She says: “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on the Earth”, and she disappears. The redhead goes next: “I think I’m the most intelligent person on Earth”, and she vanishes. The blonde walks forward, and steps in front of the mirror. She starts talking: “I think…” and she vanishes.


4.-A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, "For best results, put on two coats".


5.- A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine, she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 more cents pushed the button and another coke came out.
She kept doing this until a guy standing behind her said, "Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Like duh not when I am winning!!"

7.-What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The last years hide-n-seek winner

8.- What did the blonde say when she looked in the Cheerio box?
Ah!, Look! Donut seeds!

9.- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead robed a bank, and the police is chasing them, so they go hide in a farm. The brunette hides with the sheep, the redhead with the pigs and the blonde on a sack of potatoes. When the police arrives they ask: "Is somebody there?". The brunette goes: "Heeee, Heeee", the redhead goes: "Oink, oink", and the blonde goes "Potatoes! Potatoes!"

NOT BLONDE ONES, BUT VERY FUNNY!!!:

10.- A rabbit is riding a motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes ?' Rabbit: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?' Driver: 'No I haven't' The rabbit drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes ?' Rabbit: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?' Driver: 'No I haven't' Then suddenly there is a curve, the rabbit sees it too late. He crashes of the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky rabbit. Covered in blood and surely dying, the rabbit asks: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?'
'Yes I have. I had a Honda for twenty years' the man answers. The rabbit asks: Where are the brakes??

11.-A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a
bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her
into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to
deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag
onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she
came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're
carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old
lady replied, "I make bets."The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old
woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls
are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You
can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would
you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet
$25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then
said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring
my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!"
replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning
from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out
until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were
square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady
appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet
again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all
see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at
his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said
the president,"$ 25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the
hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I
bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the
Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."

Answer 2

well, sounds like others covered it for you, but here is a pretty funny bloned joke...okay heres a few!
Blonde Shops For Curtains


>A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
> salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
>
> The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of
> pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde
> seems to have a hard time choosing.
>
> Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman
> then asks what size curtains she needs.
>
> The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
>
> "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very
> small - what room are they for?"
>
> The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they
> are for her computer monitor.
>
> The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not
> need curtains!"
>
> The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"


Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
ok here is another joke


Are You Really Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."



I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"


rowing your boat
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."


The Rabbit and the Blonde?

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway, sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.

It says..


(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(This is bad!)
(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)

(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)
(You can still delete it)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)



It says,


"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave.





I could give you a bunch more, but I'm really tired!
:)

Answer 3

a team of blondes circulate right into a coffe save chanting 28 days 28 days it in basic terms took us 28 days. surely every person became into puzzled and sweetness what that they had complete in 28 days so earlier they circulate away a waiter asks "excuse me yet what took you 28 days?"and that they respond proudly and say we in simple terms complete a puzzle and on the container it mentioned 3-6 years! A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after paintings for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock information. a guy became into shown threatening to bounce from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde wager the redhead $50 that he does not bounce. particular sufficient, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead mentioned, "i'm no longer able to take this, you're my pal." however the blonde insisted asserting, "No. a large gamble's a large gamble." Then the redhead mentioned "hear, I would desire to enable you comprehend that I observed this on the 5 O'clock information, so i'm no longer able to take your cash." The blonde spoke back "nicely, so did I, yet i did no longer think of he would bounce back!" lol those get me every time!

Answer 4

http://www.jokes.com
http://www.hilarious-pictures.com

^ click on jokes and there's tons, that's where i get all of mine but shhh no telling lol check ya later ♥

Answer 5

http://www.eabaumsworld.com
http://www.funnyjunk.com
http://members.tripod.com/donaldchase/jokes/
http://www.funny.com/

Answer 6

www.funnyjunk.com
www.ebaumsworld.com

good luck, oh comedy central.com is awesome ^_^

Answer 7

dumbblonde.com,joke.com,insults.com, there's lots, be creative

Answer 8

www.jokes.com