I am a very independent girl, and I know guys press it a lot, but I sincerely hate when guys pick up the tab, its very sweet of u to offer, but some girls hate that!!! I am one of them, and my boyfriend is one of those angellic guys who insist on picking up the tab and pulling out ur chair and opening doors, the typical chivalrous gentleman. well it makes me feel insanely jealous when he does this, and i wish he'd let me pick it up sometimes, or at the very least pay my half!!! how can i break it to him?
2006-07-30 17:15:47 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
NO!!! the guy picking up the tab is NOT how it should be!!!!!!
2006-07-30 17:22:09 · update #1
Kudos to you girl...I am the same way. Unless I've been seeing that guy a long time and I'm comfortable with him, I don't want him paying my way for anything. Nothing worse than having that odd feeling of "Is he expecting something out of me since he paid for the movie and dinner?" hanging over your thoughts, or worse...HIS thoughts!
Like me, you sound very independent...and many men like that, which is why this boyfriend is probably digging you. The best method is to tell him when he asks you out...for example, agree to go to the movies with him if he asks you but note that you'll go only if he doesn't mind you buying your own ticket and going Dutch....
It is so much easier to handle that awkward situation before the check arrives, you know? If he is aware in advance you won't feel awkward whipping out your purse when it comes time to pay, and he'll know what to expect and not feel he needs to pressure you into letting him pay for everything.
Props on being your own woman. It's refreshing to see that today in a world where a lot of girls think it is cool to find a "man to take care of them" and buy them material things and take them out to show them affection. There is NOTHING wrong with showing that you can take care of YOURSELF. :)
2006-07-30 17:23:47 · answer #1 · answered by Valerie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should look at the problem from a different viewpoint.
In the days of old, when chivalry was law, the situation was very different from how it is today. Women normally had no major sources of income, so when going out on dates men had to pick up the tab.
To reciprocate for this, however, women would give the man courting them gifts. A woman would never dream of taking a date without baking cookies for her date, bringing with a basket of freshly picked apples from the orchard, or happening to "stumble" upon tickets for a performance. In this way, chivalry worked out well, as both sides put into the relationship, but the means were different based on the resources at hand. For some odd reason, however, the idea of the man paying for everything has stayed, while the concept of reciprocal gift giving has all but vanished.
Perhaps instead of trying to pay for dinner, a point that your boyfriend doesn't want to budge on, you should consider baking him a pan of brownies, or you should happen to "stumble" upon a pair of tickets for his favorite band or sports team. Gifts like these will allow you to feel like an equal partner in the relationship and show him your gratitude, while still allowing him to keep his sense of chivalry.
2006-07-31 00:30:36 · answer #2 · answered by Dave N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are habits engrained into man through years and years of being told " this is what a man does for a women ". This is also the ideal man for many " Cinderela wishing women ". There are two rationals for a man to act like this.
1: He was brought up by a wonderful mother who taught him respect and the value of a lady.
2: He feels that a " real " man is supposed to do these things and feels demasculinated when not doing so.
Most women would find you lucky to be in such a wonderful relationship. However those like you " independ " women ( not a bad thing ) would agree with you when they say they find it annoying and sometimes degrading ( as if the man assumes that you can't provide for yourself ).
There are several ways you can break him of this habit. The first and best approch is to use tact and explain to him that it makes you feel bad when he does these things. Explain to him that you love him, respect him ( as a man ) and that you just want to be able to express yourself freely without having to worry about questioning his manhood.
The next is to offer to go dutch. Remind him that you want to be able to pay your way because that is your nature.
Finally and the most secretive way. Reach for the door before him, grab your chair before he does and finally, you ask for the check and nab it before he does.
Men are easly trained when properly motiviated and rewarded.
So, woof woof. Where's my treat?
2006-07-31 00:29:01 · answer #3 · answered by x0zx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite all the other girls on this site wishing they had a boyfriend like yours, since it bothers you so much, you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about this issue. He probably has no idea that his acting like a gentlemen is irritating you so much. This is his way of showing you how much he cares for you. When you tell him, his feelings will probably be a little hurt, but being such a nice guy, he will deny it and do as you say. Who knows, after a while, he will stop opening doors for you and buying you dinner. Are you sure that's what you want?
2006-07-31 00:24:08 · answer #4 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Independent is a very, very good characteristic in a person. All of my children have become independent accept one and she is suffering from a mental disorder , which doesn't allow her to be independent. Some guys have upbringing to overcome. A lot of parents teach their sons to be polite. This comes from being in a socialite society of etiquette. In time you can get him to change, but it takes patience. Maybe he's loaded and likes spending his money on you. Sit down and discuss it with him. The alternative is that you refuse to go out to eat with him unless you can split the tab. My girlfriend I split the cost of everything. I have to pay for most of the bills, but she makes her car payment, buys the food and pays the satellite bill. I take care of the house payment, electricity, water bills. You have to weigh all of it and share the burden to even out the pressures of the finances. There's no need for jealousy. If my girlfriend wants to buy me dinner hey I'm not passing up a free meal. It's better than hamberger helper.
2006-07-31 00:34:14 · answer #5 · answered by LARRY P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is part of being a gentleman to pay for the evening. The key to any successful relationships is communication. You need to tell your BF how you feel and that it is not anything against him. Make that very clear. Compromise is also important. Maybe instead of going 50/.50 you can take turns paying. Or you can cover the movie/show/concert/game etc and he can pay for the dinner before or after.
2006-07-31 00:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by Carlos D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very lucky to have a guy the will open doors for you and will always pay the tab. But if you really want to pay for your own way then sugest it that you each pay your own way from time to time ... but consider yourself lucky there are a lot of guys that wont do that
2006-07-31 00:21:07 · answer #7 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy should pay for the first 3 dates
2006-07-31 00:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a girl offers... no, INSISTS, on paying for the bill, the guy thinks that she isn't interested. I say you should go half-and-half sometimes, but enjoy the fact that you can get a free meal.
2006-07-31 00:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by Bright Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going about this all the wrong way girlfriend. The guy is supposed to pay. It makes him feel like a man. Let him take care of you. That's how it should be.
2006-07-31 00:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋