to all single thirty somethings what do you think?

Question

I asked a question recently about a relationship and someone replied stop taking things so seriously and just have fun and relax, my question is... How do you not get a little anxious about your direction in life when it seems you are still or could be in the process of making the wrong choices re men. I mean, christ ...woman don't have a whole lot of time to mess up if we want babies. Mother nature wants us to have babies when we are still trying to figure things out. I feel rushed to sort it all out. Is there any other fems out there who feel the same. Most of my friends are all married with children.

Answer 1

when you rush things you usually make mistakes. talk to your girlfriends.

Answer 2

I don't have an answer to your question, other than to share with you the fact that I did get married in my 20's. Now, I'm 38 and in the process of a divorce (after being married for 11 years). I'm grateful now that we didn't have kids.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you haven't found the right person yet because it's not time. Maybe the person you're supposed to meet is someone who will have children of his own...or, maybe the two of you are supposed to adopt or do foster care.

All I can say, is please don't rush into anything or put so much pressure on yourself. There may be a reason you haven't had kids yet, and if you rush into something just so you can have kids, there may be other opportunities you will miss.

Answer 3

yeah Im hearing what your throwin out there....Im 31 & involved w a great guy but I have no kis, he has an 11 year old so Im not all too sure he's up to hving any more. Then I also have some health complications so as Im not even sure I can have kids, but its been in my head a lot lately. I feel like I need to either s hit or get off thepot ya know?? A LOT of my friends hv kids and/or are married & I guess Im just feeling a bit left behind. I dont want to be an old Mommy, my Mom was only 20 years older than me & we have a great relationship, while most of my friends who had older parents say 30 yrs+ older then them seemd to argue more & have a harder time understanding each other. Im kinda anxious I guess........

Answer 4

Coming from a 31 year old, female lawyer who has not married yet and is feeling that clock ticking just like you, I think that what you're talking about is something that single women in their 30s feel but don't talk about. I have a theory that it's slightly biological. They say that women's sexual prime is in their early thirties and I sincerely believe that it's because our bodies are trying to get us to have sex more before we lose our fertility. Why wouldn't those hormone shifts make a difference in other aspects of our lives as well? Just look at PMS. It affects us physically and emotionally. That all being said, I have the opinion that if we allow these thoughts and feelings to have too much control than we are going to miss the journey and joys of being single (and despite some of our desires to get married and connect with someone, there are GREAT things about being single), AND we all know that men can smell women who are looking for a serious committment from a mile away and even the good ones tend to get scared away. Serious relationship problem are one thing (like abuse or unfaithfulness), but if we are constantly trying to figure everything out about our relationships, then we are putting pressure on something that, I think, just has to unfold naturally. I don't know what your problem was so forgive me if my advice doesn't take it seriously enough. But I do think that we have to learn to just take the relationships as they come, get rid of the guys we know it won't work with, and don't stay in relationships hoping that the guy is going to want something more down the road. So while the "relax and enjoy yourself" sounds like the advice of some teeny booper that is attempting to hand out adult relationship advice, they may have it more right than they know.

Answer 5

I am a guy but I feel the same way....but having date older women, I feel alittle rushed into relationship because I feel I might loose her since she might be interested in older men who are more likely to want to get marry sooner. I have never dated someone youngerthan my age (27).
Sometimes, I feel like I came out in the wrong year.

But I know what u mean, you gals are fighting against nature. From my observations, women feel depressed when you think about the marriage things when they are about 28. When I am out with these women they would tell me how much they love children and want children....I just feel helpless 'cause I know i am not ready for that kind of committment. As you can see most of my dates go down hill from here. :(

Answer 6

I feel the same when i look my sister getting married and all of my friends but you know what? i have fun and i enjoy what i have..i think you dont have to rush cause you are going to be desperate searching for anyone to married with...you have to focus on you and feel great and then look around and see if someone who is great for you is coming to ask you out...otherwise have fun and find a "touch and go" friend to have someone to trust and have sex once in a while and be very light about the relationship issue...i think we should wait until destiny put that special guy in front of us and if he doesnt appear you can alwyas have a baby without any help...

Answer 7

I agree about the time "bomb" that there is for women and babies- but you still have time on that. What you might look at is what you are looking for in a man and what to expect from a relationiship- both getting and giving. While you are taking time to plan this, do enjoy life and socially interact with others, not for the purpose of finding a mate, but for making yourself happy. When your gaurd is down, and you are not seeking a "target", it may wander up to you and suprise you. Take a long look at those interested in your for you, not just sex, and see if they might be someone to spend the rest of your life with.
I found that when I had given up hope and just went into fun mode without a concern, that they came to find me. We'll see how long forever is, but I know I am not getting any older, so I hope that we work out...
Best of luck!!!

Answer 8

If you're pushing for kids, trying to time your copulations with the moon, checking your pH levels, and generally trying to perform a science experiment instead of making love with your partner, you're being a really big PITA.

Answer 9

I understand the anxiousness of your situation and I don't know your past as far as relationships go, but all I can say is be patient and don't give up.....apply what you've learned from previous relationships and try and build on that....

Answer 10

You can fret about all you want but it isn't gonna make it happen any sooner. Relax and have fun probably meant you can't find someone if your stressed and on the prowl.