2006-07-30 16:08:41 · 12 answers · asked by Pete Allison 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Two newlyweds are lying in bed. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, if you ever want to have sex, just reach over and pull on my thing once. And if you don't want to have sex, just reach over and pull on my thing seven hundred and thirty-two times."
2006-07-30 16:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by Skylark 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mother and her daughter were sitting on a bench on the park. The daughter indicates two teenagers a few benches over getting rather hot and heavy and asks her mother what they're doing. Her mother, deciding that the girl is too young to know about things of a sexual nature, tells her, "They're making a cake, honey."
The girl thinks about it and accepts it.
Later that night, the two are watching TV and a steamy love scene comes on, and the daughter asks "Mommy, are those two making a cake?"
Sticking to her guns, she answers, "Yes, honey, they are."
The next morning, the two are sitting down to breakfast. The daughter asks, "Were you and daddy making a cake last night?"
Embarressed, but honest, replies, "Yes, dear, we were... But how did you know?"
"I licked the icing off the couch."
2006-07-30 16:14:20 · answer #2 · answered by bbreptile 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
On day this my was walking down the street to go to the store, on his way he passed a retirement home, he saw 4 naked old lady's lay on the front grass, but he kept on walking to the store. On his way home he passed the same 4 old lady's laying naked in the grass. So he went in side to ask why the 4 old lady's was lying in the grass naked and on of the orderlies said " they are all retired prostitutes and they was having a yard sale." :P
2006-07-30 16:43:35 · answer #3 · answered by sarahjane123us 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So... one day this guy walks into a bar, with a monkey on his shoulder. He goes up to the bar, sets the monkey down, and starts playing pool. The monkey goes over, and proceeds to eat an entire bowl of olives. The bartender looks at this with a raised eyebrow, whereupon the man says: "Oh, don't worry, I'll pay for it, no problem." Eventually, the man finishes his game of pool, pays for the olives, takes his monkey and goes out.
Next week, the same man walks into the bar, again carrying this monkey. He walks up to the bar, sets the monkey down, and starts playing pool. The monkey goes over, and eats up all the complimentary nuts from one of the bowls. Bartender looks at the guy, who assures that he will pay for everything. Guy finishes, pays, and takes his monkey and goes out.
Week after that, the guy walks into the bar, sets his monkey down. This time, the monkey scampers over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball, and swallows it. Obviously, the guy can't play his game of pool. So he pays the barkeep for the cue ball, takes his monkey and walks out.
So a little time passes, and one day the guy walks in, again with his monkey on his shoulder. He goes up to the bar, sets the monkey down, who runs over to a bowl of cherries. The monkey grabs a cherry, sticks it up its ***, then pulls it out and proceeds to eat it.
At this point, the barkeep just loses it. "OK, pal, that was the sickest thing I've ever seen. I don't care how much money you have, you and your monkey are out of here."
To which the man replies: "Oh, don't mind my monkey. Ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything before he eats it."
2006-07-30 16:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by sarah_lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How many jewish people can you fit in a Volvo? 104. 4 in the seats and 100 in the ashtray
2006-07-30 16:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by JCFreak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A priest, a rabbi, and a preacher walk to a bar.
Confused, the bartender says, "This is a joke, right?"
Note: You probably will not think this is funny.
2006-07-30 17:07:25 · answer #6 · answered by John 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. The other night I dreamed I was a wigwam and last night I dreamed I was a teepee. Doctor says, "Your problem is obvious, your too tense".
2006-07-30 16:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by Bobby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q.
What did the blonde say when she looked in the Cheerio box?
A.Look! Donut seeds!
2006-07-30 16:13:07 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When 2 lesbians are on their period and they want to have sex what do they do instead???????????
.......They Fingerpaint!...lol I thought it was funny in a twisted sorta way...hee hee
How does an Arab get his wife pregnant?????
....he lies her on the bed. Ejects semen, and lets the flies do the rest.
2006-07-30 16:28:33 · answer #9 · answered by TootsiePop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your armpits are so smelly that your teacher gave you an A for not raising your hands during school
2006-07-30 16:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by raquel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋