what am i supposed to do?

Question

My 14 month old son is going through a stage of being a brat. He screams, slaps, bites, throws himself down, and isnt very nice to other kids. I can't find a way of disciplining him because he is so young and it's driving me crazy. I am also 5 months pregnant and am wondering if he is going to get jealous and act this way when the baby comes. Has any one went through this and how did it end up?

I do smack his hands when he hits and his mouth when he bites and then he looks at me and either hits me back or runs away smiling. However if his dad does it he cries. I don't want to hit him harder but I don't know how to get him to take me seriously.

Answer 1

Sounds like he is in need of attention and this is his way of trying to get yours.

Answer 2

Oh I've been there. My one year old is fast approaching and I would really not like to go there again but what can you do? The terrible two don't necessarily have to wait until your child is two. Depending on you child they can happen much sooner or much later. Usually when the Mommy smacks the hand that only works once or twice. (One of Gods cruel jokes) The time out chair worked well for me at this stage. I used a high stool and placed it in the corner, that way my daughter couldn't simply get up and run away. Also what worked well is whenever my daughter would throw a tantrum I would put her in her crib. It was a place where she could throw her fit without hurting herself, plus you have the added bonus of being able to sit in the other room and let yourself calm down for a few minutes. Best of luck and congrats on your new arrival.

Answer 3

This is NORMAL behavior for a child this age. The world is a frustrating place for a toddler. He doesn't have the ability to do hardly anything for himself, which would frustrate anyone. He has wants and desires and doesn't hasn't been shown the proper way to express his emotions. Put yourself in his shoes. Toddlerhood is rough stuff!

Discipline is important, but everyone has their own way of disciplining. I am a very rationale diciplinarian. Sometimes my toddler gets the best of me, but it's important to "be the adult" as much as possible.

The best thing you can do is ignore things like biting and hitting. Not only ignore it, but get up and walk away from him. Hitting back is nothing but hypocracy and kids can start seeing through hypocracy at a very early age. Hitting and biting are what a toddler does to get attention. If you do not give him attention, then you stop giving him a reason to do these things. If you hit him for doing this, you are reinforcing the behavior because you are giving him attention, even if it is negative attention.

As for temper tantrums, these are best ignored. Temper tantrums ARE NOT bad. They are the way a child gets out negative emotions. Give him time to release these bad feelings. If he will let you, hold him close to you and speak to him calmly to help him get through his feelings. My son won't let hold him during his temper tantrums so I just sit close by and let him vent. I sometimes sing to him or tell him it's okay to be mad.

The most important thing you can do is give him love and affection. Your child may hit, bite, scream, etc. now because he's a toddler. But if you model gentle, calm loving behavior, someday he is going to replicate that behavior because that is what was enforced.

Just try to remember that your toddler is behaving exactly like a toddler is supposed to. He's not "bad." He's completely normal.

Answer 4

There are discipline techniques for a 14 month old. Sounds like he needs a good old fashion whoopin'. You sound like one of those moms that wouldn't believe in that, though, so I'll offer some other advice. Taking toys away from him for that type of behavior might work. There's also a naughty chair that Nanny 911 uses even on small children. My 17 month old is going through a phase where she likes to push other children. She gets a spanking, or she gets in time out. Either way, she learns. Make sure to give PLENTY of POSITIVE ATTENTION and he won't reach out for the negative attention so much.

Dr. Phil says otherwise, but he's a quack. I figure you might want a second opinion (other than mine), so here's his list:

Birth to 18 Months

Effective:

Positive Reinforcement

Redirecting

Ineffective:

Verbal Instruction/Explanation

Time-outs

Establishing Rules

Grounding

Withholding Privileges

18 Months to 3 Years

Effective:

Positive Reinforcement

Redirecting

Verbal Instruction/Explanation

Time-outs

Ineffective:

Establishment of Rules

Grounding

Withholding Privileges

Answer 5

NEVER EVER HIT YOUR CHILD. It teaches them that hitting is okay. If mommy does it, it's right. You are his model for life. You have to discuss with him what is right and wrong. He may not say much back but he understands what you're saying. Make a time out chair where he has to sit until he calms down and talk to him about the new baby. Get him a baby doll to practice for when the baby comes. Teach him about holding the baby and how to treat the baby. Learning play is the best way to teach young children.

Answer 6

Well, he is 14 months old.....this is perfectly normal. You might want to get the book, "What to expect the Toddler years", I found that to be quite helpful. You can try 'time out' but he is still pretty young.....

He will be jealous, he will act out. I will tell you that I could NOT leave my two little ones alone together for quite a while (22 months apart) because the older one would hit him with a book or just plain do something mean.....

Siblings without rivalry is another good book. It is just a tough road! Good luck.

Answer 7

I had to teach my daughter who was a year and some change that she was the big sister, I had her help with picking out the outfit, buy books, or go to the library to teach him what is happening, also make sure you inforce that his actions are not nice especially if he is gonna help mommy and be a big brother,ask him what do big brothers do? My daughter went through that, I think it's because they can sense the change but don't understand it. After she got involved and we constantly talked about a baby, i bought her a toy baby of her own, and still spent time w/ her, she made pics for the baby, rubbed my belly and talked and sang to the baby so that they can adjust to the situation. Make him comfortable about the baby he will now be mommy's helper and the big brother!! It works

Answer 8

hi tia

you have very common problem and its not to bad because his only 14 months old... all kids wants there mothers to them self at that age... i guess cause you are expecting-mother now he is to young to understand that you are too tired and exhausted to spend time with him and do all the things he wants... so in his little mind he thinks that if he just acts as a spoiled brat he"ll get all the attention he wants... so just make him understand that as long as he behaves in that manner he's getting nothing from you... if he slaps or bites his friends reward all his friends for being good and say nothing and give to your son.... don't even tell him off.... not getting rewarded will kick some sence to him... he'll go mad at first but just try to remember if you can t get the leashes tight now you ll never get it when you got your second child around...


good luck

Answer 9

I feel your pain, been there.
When he throws himself down ignore it. When he screams ignore it. When he bites put a small drop of liquid dish soap on your finger and run it across his tongue, sounds mean but it was the only thing that worked for me. At 14 months you cant really force him to play with other kids but you need to let him know that it's not nice and remove him.

Answer 10

I am the mom of 4 kids... all tried screaming... we turned off the tv or radio... and whispered... they had to stop screaming to hear what we were saying... still works on my oldest who is 12. my youngest is 21 months
acting out at 12 months to 36 months of age is their way of saying "I am frustrated and dont have the words to tell you" he does it to get his way or your attention.

if you are at home and he throws himself down... watch to make sure he does not hurt himself. but basically ignore this. when he is done get on his level to talk... sit down and pull him close. if he is slapping... hold his hands, whisper in his ear that he is not being nice. Your child is not bad, only his actions.
at 12 months I had started "spanking" my children - to me that means 1 or 2 pops on the bottom or as close to it on the leg as a diaper will allow. just enough to stink and get their attention. NEVER EVER do this when your angry or frustrated!
I do my best not to yell at my kids... they learn to tune you out and you have to keep getting louder and louder to have them hear you. then when there is danger... yelling does not alert them.

at 14 months its hard to explain that a new baby is coming in words... show your son babys when your out... or if your friends have younger children let him visit... and you show him how to whisper so as to not scare the baby... get a doll and play big brother and mommy.

praise praise praise your child for good behavior... hope this helps...

Answer 11

Every child develops a personality by the age of five and those critical years of development have to come form the parents. IF you fail in establishing total control and love in to that child you will reap what you have wrought.