Am I being selfish?

Question

I have a 6 and 7 year old and I lived in Florida their entire lives. About 2 years ago I got divorced and a year later I met someone form Georgia, the kids love him but now he wants us to move to his hometown. I have done the research and the town he is from is a better community than where I live but my exhusband is not there and a lower crime rate, better schools etc, doesn't mean a thing to my boys, they don't want to leave their dad. The distance between here and there is only about 5 hours and my exhusband and I have already agreed to a visitation schedule so that boys will be here every two weeks but I'm scared they will not be able to adjust. Has anyone else been in this situation, please help.

Me and the boys have both been to Georgia several times, we know his family and the boys like everyone. I know it's the same as their own family but I think it's a good thing for them to like everyone.

Answer 1

As long as the father is okay with this, the children will definitely adjust!! They are so young!! I would be wary if they were 14 and 15, but 6 and 7 is the perfect social age. I bet everytime you go somewhere they (the kids) find someone to talk to and play with etc. They will have no problems meeting new friends and adjusting! Think back when you were in grade school, most of the kids didn't know each other the first day of school. They will make new friends, adjust fine and enjoy going to visit their dad and old friends. Congrats on finding a new partner that your kids actually like. That was the hard part, and it's over!

Answer 2

Six and seven year olds are pretty resiliant. Younger kids adjust better than most people give them credit for. I don't believe you are being selfish. Afterall, you've already made an arrangement regarding visitation with your ex. That makes it clear the kids are your priority. Just keep in mind that visitation with dad, isn't the same as having dad within arms reach. A phone call can't replace a hug and the driving time is going to get old for them after awhile. My concern for you would be that this new relationship is only a year old. I think maybe you should give it a little more time before you uproot the entire family and alter everyone else's life. Tell the new beau that you'd like to wait till the end of this upcoming school year, or offer him to move with you during that time and see how it goes. If he doesn't have kids of his own, it might make things a little easier and give you a test run to see how your new family will work. You'll do what best honey, believe that in your heart of hearts. Because when we ask for advice, 9 times out of 10, deep down, we already know the answer to our question.

Answer 3

The visitation agreement between you and your ex-husband has been made. That's great ! Your children need to hear, and believe that they are not leaving their father because of the visitation agreement, and both of you promise to keep it. The children are just afraid of the "unknown", moving to a new State, but they will adjust in due time. Explain all the up sides of the move to them. REMINDER***** Do your homework first!!!!! Does this new man make you happy? Does he love you and want to make commitments with you? Do you know any of his Family or Friends in Georgia? Maybe you should take a trip to Georgia without the children for a week, and see for yourself what kind of situation you will be bringing your children into! You and your most precious possessions (your kids) are at risk here!
PS....No, you're not being selfish to want what's best for yourself and a better life for your children....I would say you are being very unselfish for wanting better and safer opportunities for the children and yourself. Think with your Mind, as well as your heart.

Answer 4

Move if you are MARRIED to this new love. If not married, there is no security in GA. And I don't think 5 hrs. is too far for Dad to come pick up the kids. The children need decisions made for them; not the other way around. Just be sure that this new man is your husband first.

Answer 5

You are the parent. They will adjust eventually. They'll give you no end of grief in the mean time, but better schools will be better for the kids in the long run.

Answer 6

you are right to be concerned .it will be traumatic for the children to be separated from their father while they are so young. can you wait until they are older ? they are going to think they will never see their dad again. parents do many things to make sure their childrens' lives are happy. i used to have a husband at each end of the table for christmas,easter, birthdays etc just so the children could have their father with them on a special day .they love their dad ,no matter what you think of him and you are responsible for their happiness and peace of mind so no , please don't move away from their dad.

Answer 7

If you're strong enough, please wait until your boys reach adulthood. Blending a family can work... but it is harder than you can ever imagine. Try and imagine if you were in their shoes. I know you'd have preferred to hear something more positive; but I've been there and I now always recommend people to wait. Those years will fly by faster than you can imagine.

Answer 8

I haven't but everyone needs to sit down and talk about this(their dad too). These kids will adjust as they are young!!!!!

Answer 9

You have to honor the relationship with their father they need him and if you force it you may loose them to him. It's not fair but your kids didn't ask for this and you can't expect them to do all of the sacrificing. Your boyfriend will have to understand that your kids come first.

Answer 10

you should sit the boys down and explain to them that this is for the best and that they will still get to see their dad and hopefully everything works out for you...good luck