spare the rod - spoil the child? what do you believe?

Question

What do you believe?here is what I believe and why..?

Its all in the Bible that you should use a rod on your children so they dont bring you to shame. verses from King James Bible.
Proverbs 19:18 Chasten they son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 20:30 The blueness of a wond cleanseth away evil.
Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 With hold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 29: 15-17 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame... Correct thy son and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.

okay.. read all the verses... it says train them while they are young... while there is hope. please dont take this wrong... but any time you train someone or something.. its doing the same thing time and time again. which means to be consistant. so that by the time they are older... you dont have to spank them. I have 4 children. I have not spanked my oldest 2 in years. I can talk to them now. they are 12 and 11. my 6 year old its been a few months since he has had a spanking... normally now I just use the whole name... and have his attention. the little one.. she is still in the training mode. I keep a small paint stirring stick handy for one or two swats on her bottom when she is misbehaving... I NEVER act in anger. I am the parent. I have to set the example of control.

Answer 1

I think that you will probably reap 4 well rounded children you can be proud of

I am a parent too and initally i was reluctant to smack because i was reguarly beaten to a pulp at home when i was growing up and didnt want to get into smacking

but when it came to it - trying to reason with a screaming 3 yo wasnt working then a short sharp smack did work (and probably saved his and my life as he did tend to kick off in the middle of a road as we were walking across it)

I think looking back that being raised by parents who would either ignore me or beat me was a result of lazy parenting - a wise parent will keep the rod in reserve if all else fails when training their child but will also seek alternatives to use as a positive experience in enhancing their learning of crucial values from you.

also my son (now 7) was diagnosed with mild aspergers at the age of 4 he has adopted many things we have tried to teach him and is now thought of as a bright well adjusted child who is kind to other kids with obvious problems.

he was smacked when he was younger by me (not in a lashback of anger but as a result of certain actions taht called for that as a response)

nowadays we are able to reasonably show him where he has gone wrong and if that still doesnt work then time on the bottom step for 5 - 10 minutes usually works well too - smacking rarely occurs now as a result.

making the punishment fit the crime usually makes sense to any child who will tend to accept that 'ok gov a fair cop' to a punishment they understand - which enhances respect between child and adult

I do think tho that many parents still adopt the 'lazy parenting' approach or they leave it too late to begin placing boundaries on their 'cherub's behaviour which causes a lot of problems at school and in soceity.

the key is to start early and be consistent

also back the school if they need to discipline your child - too many parents will insist on blaming anyone and everyone for their own childs actions - if you cant resolve that with your childs school then it may be you will need to relocate to another school.

Answer 2

Look at the kids today who don't get spanked, and compare them to the kids from even 20-30 years ago. Spanking was common back then, and the kids were much more well-behaved and ended up more responsible. Now they are a bunch of wild and spoiled brats. Some kids won't listen to time out and the only way you can make them listen is by spanking them. If you're disciplining them right, they would be well-behaved enough to be beyond even getting spanked anymore by the time they were even old enough to call the police. I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna let my kids run over me! The Bible has never been wrong before when it comes to guidence, and to whoever posted about the animal sacrifices or whatever, that was the Old Testament. There is a new covenant in place! D'oh!

Answer 3

I have a 21 month old son who is pushing all the limits I place on him. Time-outs are almost useless for him. I aks him twice, tell him once, and then... A sharp little slap on the offending limb seems to work wonders in support of "Don't Touch" and "Put That Down". I only spank him--mind you, just the 1-2 smacks on a diapered bottom--if he runs away when I call him, and that's immediately after I catch him. This only happens if I have to chase him, though. I will slap his thigh if he tries to roll himself off the changing table--and no, I don't strap him down because then I can't get the diaper off or on. He only tries to take off once in a while, and that is usually if he was not in a great attitude already.
In most instances, I don't need to go this far. But he knows there's potential for escalation, and if he goes There, his parents WILL WIN the war of wills. Period.
I am not Christian, but Proverbs does have a lot of good parenting advice. As to a rod, stick, paint stirrer, wooden spoon, whatever, absolutely not. If your hand is not making the contact, how do you know how hard you're hitting that child? You want to leave a mark on their minds, not on their bodies.

Answer 4

Discipline as expressed in the Bible has many aspects—guidance, instruction, training, reproof, correction, and even punishment. However, in each case, God's discipline is motivated by love, and its goal is to benefit the recipient. God's corrective discipline is never for the sole purpose of punishment.

I believe and I hope you agree, is that the point here is to discipline our children. Where there is great debate is about wether you should spank your children. That I believe is where many get upset. If you look at how God disciplined his people or "children" you'll see that corporal punishment, "spanking" of sorts, was used as a last resort -- always! He always taught them what he wanted of them. If they swayed then he warned them and urged them to do what was right. If they did do what was right then they were blessed, "praised," for their good behaviour. If after repeated warnings they continued to do what was wrong, then, and only then did God use corporal punishment.

When the scriptures say use the rod and the like, it can have a double meaning. One, for sure, being literal and the other being a metaphor. The rod could be the verbal training you give to your children or the example you provide to them. Does not a scolding (the metaphorical rod) hurt at times like a real spanking; perhaps even more because it is an emotional one.

I believe that God wants us to train our children in the best way possible. Neglecting that responsibility would be like ignoring one of God's laws.

Answer 5

I do not believe in spanking. I have 2 boys, ages 4yrs and 10 mos, and I do NOT spank. While the baby is still too young to comment on his behavior (although he is sweet and lovey), the 4 yr old is very well-behaved and considerate. I can take them anywhere (save totally inappropriate places where children don't belong!), and am always complimented on how well-behaved they are. We have rules, and consequences, but these do not include spanking.
I have friends who spank, and their children constantly hit each other when they are angry. Perhaps the spanking is done "incorrectly", but I believe that we teach by example.
As far as no "time outs" in grocery stores, etc., I have brought my son out to the car to sit (staying there of course). This has only happened once, as a firm tone and "the look" are generally enough. I hate to see people just yelling at their children - it is useless! And it drives me crazy to see parents give in to temper tantrums! It just teaches their child that if they yell loud enough, they'll get what they want.

Answer 6

Beating a child is completely unacceptable, but a little spanking here or there never hurt anyone. I was spanked as a child, or had my hand slapped- not often, as I generally learned my lesson the first time. I don't think it was abusive at all, just a needed correction. It was more frightening than painful.

I think parents today need to discipline their children more strongly than they usually do, but we have to remember that kids are kids and not little adults. They are going to act foolish and make mistakes. After you swat the kid on the bottom, you forget it and have some cocoa or something. You can't hold a grudge or take out your adult anger on a child.

Answer 7

Sometimes a kid needs a little whoopin.. they no there is no "time out" at the grocery store but the threat of a swift smack to the rear is more likely to keep them in line. They may not be happy about it but it will make them behave until they can understand why when they get a little older. Plus, the friends I have had that were spanked were usually more responsible and considered their actions more before doing. The ones that were spared the rod were more often spoiled and a few adults actually threw tantrums. my $.03

Answer 8

I have 6 kids, and they are all different. If you think spanking works, go for it. BUT, I will say that it does not work with every child. It is not necessary with every child. And, while it should not be a "last resort" it should not be the only disciple you ever use. You will figure out what works for your child. BTW, you will find that the biggest supporters of spanking, usually use it the least! My kids know it could happen, and they do talk about it, alot. But it is more common for them to get time outs!

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Answer 9

I believe the laws against spanking your children are put in place to keep the child abusers in jail! However, the kids are going CRAZY! They think that if they get their butts spanked that all they have to do is call the police........Unfortunately, that is exactly what they do. The parents that try to control their kids get in trouble....
All kids are different. Some respond to spanking and some do not! It is a tough call! As a parent, we know what works for us. The laws keep us from spanking our kids, but at the same time...They put child abusers in jail! What to do.?? I do not know. If I spanked my kids the way I was spanked ( with a belt or a board) I would probably be in jail too....The funny thing is, I do not feel like I was abused...I think it kept me out of a lot of trouble. Because......I knew my dad would bust my A$$!! I just don't know.....>>>>>!!!!

Answer 10

I don't think there is a true proper way to raise your children. There is no manual, or at least there is, but no one knows what model number they have:) I am kind of old school, and believe in a occasional good old fashioned spanking. That being said, spanking should be the last resort after time outs, taking toys away, and grounding.