He's been clean one month today. We're in the process of being legally separated. He's begging to come home. Can I believe he can change? He's been going to counseling. I still love him, but I'm afraid nothing will have really changed yet. Am I just being a b?
2006-07-30 15:28:26 · 21 answers · asked by HelpOneAnother 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
Don't let him come home until you've sought help for yourself too. You do not want to be "co-dependent" or the behavior will come back! You also need to take care of yourself and counseling for yourself to help you deal with these issues is a first step. One month is not long enough! This separation shouldn't be considered as a punishment but as a period of healing and growth so that the two of you can have a chance to go the distance as a happily married couple! Good Luck M'dear!
2006-07-30 15:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by petlover 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say yes. He has made quite an accomplishment. And by letting him in, you will be reinforcing this accomplishment, increasing his self-esteem and self-confidence. If you keep separated, it may deflate his self-esteem causing him to slink into depression or disappointment. Then, he will look to drugs and alcohol because he cannot have you. By letting him in (make sure he understands the conditions of no drugs - zero tolerance), you will be able to help him and you both can work together to do other fun things where he will never need to turn away to alcohol again. Think about it, he has obviously shown you that you are more important to him than alcohol. He changed for YOU. The least you can do is offer him another chance. He certainly deserves it. And you certainly are considering it - that's why you posted. THE TIME IS RIGHT. Best wishes.
2006-07-31 00:52:52 · answer #2 · answered by surfer2966 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Talk to someone at alanon or go to a meeting.
One month is way too soon. My dad did the 1-2 month totally sober cycle my entire childhood. It was always followed 1-2 months of just beer or a "night cap," then more, then the big blow up, sober, beer, hard alc, kaboom, sober....
Give support but don't be crutch or an enabler. He needs to get his stuff together and stand on his own through something difficult before anyone can figure if he's really clean and sober.
2006-07-30 22:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure he is clean and sober at least 3 months before starting a relationship again and 6 months or more before letting him move back in. Good for him for being clean a month but come on its only a month.
2006-07-30 22:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where has he been? Treatment? Halfway house? The streets? Shelter? As a recovering drug addict myself, I know there are so many variables. Maybe you should go to counseling with him for awhile. And to to AlAnon or NarcAnon or both. Make sure he knows you love him but are done wth the BS. This is a tough one. Just try not to give up on him before the miracle happens. Good luck and God Bless. And please understand that alcoholism and drug addiction is a DISEASE, not a weakness. But he has to want to recover, for himself, before he'll be any good to you.
2006-07-30 23:46:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is too soon to take him back. He will be right back into it as soon as you let him in the house.
I would talk to his counselor and get their opinion. Have you been getting help too? You should have been.
I am not a doctor but from the sounds of your question you are beginning to feel sorry for him. That's what he is hoping for. I would go ahead with the legal separation and get some counseling for myself. It will help if you understand better.
2006-07-30 22:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let him come home.....yet. One month is great, but it isn't much clean time. OH YES,,,, he can change, but change takes time. :(Things I Must Earn). He needs to get involved in 12 step meetings and continue to learn how to live clean and sober. Pray for him and encourage him, but do not make it easy for him to relapse. Sometimes tough love is the best thing we can do for those we love who have addiction problems.
2006-07-30 22:37:26 · answer #7 · answered by Mittys Momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the one that would be the best judge of of that.
You don't mention how long you've been together, how long the problem has been going on, how severe the problem is/was, and what other factors are involved.
Is one month enough time for you to get over the hurt?
2006-08-03 03:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by raysny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is active in a recovery program and is truly clean I say yes. If not, tell him he must get involved in a recovery program first.
When he comes home make it clear it is his LAST CHANCE!!!!! If he abuses alcohol or drugs even one more time he is OUT!
And then if he does, stick to it. You deserve better than a drunk/druggie husband.
Good luck!
2006-07-30 22:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did not say if he was in a rehab or not but assumming he is he has not been out in the real world to be faced with the wanting of his addictions! that being said he is not ready yet, 30 days isn't long enough treatment for any addiction in my opinion
2006-07-30 22:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by lil mami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋