He is completely unreliable and hurts me a lot (promises to be around and then breaks those promises, has mental black outs, constantly inquires if I want someone else) and everytime he does I vow to myself that I will not let it happen again and I should get out of the relationship. However I do really love him and he takes any attempt on my part to end the hurt extremely badly (ie begs, pleads, cries to me to "not do this to him now") and as I am not stone cold I find I keep taking him back. He is seeing a psych and a psychologist also but to be honest they do not appear to be helping him much at all, he is also on anti-depressants.
My question is, what can I do to make him and me happy if he cannot stop hurting me? He is not malicious at all. I have been supporting him as much as I can emotionally for the majority of this year but I feel that I have lost control of the relationship and it goes around in circles. Has anyone had a similar experience?
Thanks for any response
2006-07-30 15:26:00 · 9 answers · asked by elli 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You have given it your best effort, but now it is effecting you in a very negative way. You say he's not malicious, but he is making you very unhappy and he guilts you into staying with him. That is not love.
It sounds like you are enabling him to behave so poorly. He suffers no bad consequences for his actions, so why should he change?
Do both of you a favor and leave him for good. Do NOT let him guilt you into taking him back. Tell him that you've done all you can to help him, and you need to move on for your own mental health. If he really loves you, he'll let you go and be happy.
This is very serious. Having a relationship with someone who has mental problems will cause serious mental problems for you. If you treat him right, yet he continues to abuse you emotionally, you will end up needing counseling yourself.
I saw this happen a friend of mine. She was the one with the problem (on medication), and he ended up changing so much that he lost all of his friends. Years later, after he broke up with her, he came back around, but he was unable to pick up where he left off. He lost a lot of good friends because this girl twisted his mind.
I am not kidding. Please get rid of this guy. You deserve better.
2006-07-30 15:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as the relationship is concerned, my sister is getting a divorce after nine years of marriage, and she has two kids. She's going to be a 28 yr old single mom with two kids and well, that really sucks. Your boyfriend sounds similar to my sisters' soon to be ex-husband. So, if you want to be extremely miserable someday, let the relationship continue. If you don't do what's best for yourself now, the day will come when you are sick of it all (I promise) and you will end the relationship. When kids are involved, it's 100 times worse. Don't phuk up the rest of your life because you care too much about someone, and in fact look up the definition of 'co-dependent' and then break it off.
2006-07-30 19:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention how long you've been with him. You might ask to go to a session of counseling with him. It will let you understand what he is going through a little more, and you might be able to address some of your issues in your relationship. It is also good insight for the counselor to know about his other personal interactions.
You say that him hurting you is mental and not physical. If it were physical I'd say get out immediately. Having someone you can't count on is difficult. I would get counseling for yourself to determine whether this relationship should be salvaged. He needs to make goals and an effort to work on the problems you two are having.
2006-07-30 15:43:13 · answer #3 · answered by Cat C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry sweetie. I was engaged to be married to a man like that. I adored him, but subconsciously, I knew I was also afraid of him. It sounds sad, but you can only survive this kind of roller coaster ride for so long. He needs to be helped by therapy; to the point that you no longer feel the relationship is so shabby. I actually had to leave the state and move 13 hours away. I loved him so much, but I couldn't live with someone who couldn't be comfortable and trusting in a relationship. If you leave him expect lots of drama, you are best off disappearing, or asking police to help you get stuff, then don't let himknow where you are, and don't ask anyone to tell you about him. Sorry sweetie.
2006-07-30 15:34:07 · answer #4 · answered by chieko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure it is borderline personality disorder? that usually does not come with blackouts. Dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as Multiple personality disorder) is often originally diagnosed as BPD; especially by psychiatrists who dont believe in the above diagnosis. I suggest he gets a second opinion from someone with experience in this field.
whichever diagnosis he has his behaviors are not going to change in the near future. if you are sticking around out of guilt dont do it to yourself. or him. it isnt helping hi at all. if you love him get some counselling yourself to figure out how to make the relationship work. not just with him but on your own. he doesnt try to hurt you on purpose but he still hurts you because he is insecure and cant handle relationships very well. people with BPD have difficulty with normal bonding. how long can you live with that?
2006-07-30 15:36:36 · answer #5 · answered by Justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably cannot help him. He needs professional help. Maybe he can get medication that will help him cope; but right now I do not think it is good idea for you to be going out with him. He is too unpredictable and could really hurt you.
2006-07-30 15:38:06 · answer #6 · answered by pixles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you must realize is, YOU CAN NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE DO ANYTHING. You can suggest, ask, or recommend, but it is ultimately his decision to do something.
If he is medically ill, then you will have to work with him and his doctor on treatment. It is up to you, if you want to help him, or leave him. Either decision will be the right one, as long as it is your honest decision.
2006-07-30 15:31:44 · answer #7 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run. do not stop. run for a safe place.
do not, under any circumstance allow another person to hurt you verbally or physically. You are not, I presume, a trained mental health therapist. Therefore, get out before he kills you.
2006-07-30 15:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by soxrcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. He's gonna be way too high maintainence.
2006-07-30 15:30:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋