My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 or 4 weeks. The problem is that he doesn't want to get a job. He says his drum practice is more important to him right now. In every other respect, he's a perfect gentleman-he opens doors for me, pulls out my chair, ect-and treats me well. I want him to get a job, but I don't know how to get him to. I've already tried telling him that it's a job or me and that didn't seem to phase him. How can I make him see that him getting a job and paying for a our dates is the same as me looking nice for him? It's not like I want to go some place expensive-I'm asking dinner and a movie once a week-usually 45 tops, usually less than that, though. What can I do to make him get a job and make him see that its him or me. He keeps telling me that no one will hire until August.That's not far off, but he also keeps saying that he's going to be "busy with school", so I don't know if he'll actually get one then or not. What should I do-dump him or hold out?
2006-07-30 14:38:32 · 15 answers · asked by im_a_pirate_arrg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's still taking lessons for the drums.... And I'm only 17 so......
2006-07-30 14:47:55 · update #1
He's not making me pay, he just wants to borrow money from his parents or rent a movie and go to his house.
2006-07-30 14:49:58 · update #2
I am not sure where you are from, but have considered telling him to give drum lessons as a job option? I mean local music stores and musical instrument stores always tend to have flyers up saying that there are people who are willing to teach people to play certain instruments...and since he won't stop playing his drum, then why not make drum playing his job. Ask him if he is willing to teach people how to play the drums? I am sure many people would love to learn... and he could charge like 10-20 bucks an hour, per lesson. This way he gets to do what he loves, and you get him to have a job ...
Or you can ask him to work at a musical instrument store and telling him that he gets to demonstrate various types of drums to the customers and may...he may enjoy that idea? Since he loves playing the drums, see if you can use this skill his trying to master to get him to make money with his skill?
On a final note, if he still doesn't wish to teach drum lessons, or work for a musical instrument store...then keep in mind even if he is a great guy, he doesn't value your opinion and since the relationship is new and he is already set in his ways, know he will never change. Also, you said you were paying for most of the dates, and even though paying the bill should be shared equally, sometimes it doesn't work out that way and results in one paying more than the other and financially hurting you only. What I am trying to say is, maybe he is just a moocher, a person who lives off of others and doesn't necessarily care enough about others enough to put forth the effort to be a better person...and get a job. So just be careful....if he doesn't like the ideas I suggested for a job and if he doesn't get a job by mid August ...then I think you should cut your losses and dump him...because its ok to be passionate about something, but its not ok to go overboard with a hobby.
2006-07-30 14:45:07 · answer #1 · answered by Strawberry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the matter with you? Obviously, this guy is a loser with a capital L (yeah baby, my music is the most important thing to me....I'm gonna make it big someday.....lol) Can't you see how pathetic that is? If you think you are going to change him, think again. He's a loser now and he will always be a loser. The only difference is, if you stay with him, he will turn YOU into a loser.
What you need to do is dump him. Then institute a strict no losers policy. Because, if you don't, your future will consist of one or more kids (maybe with different men) but no husband and a boyfriend who leaves you to be with the neighborhood whore names Mary Joowana. Your ability to get another man will then be zero.
What a grim fate.
2006-07-30 14:46:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is going on and you have been together a month....get out before you get to involved. Dump the guy and get a guy that has a job. You said you already told him if he doesn't get a job he will lose you well....Hold to it girl. If he doesn't care now and you let him take advantage after only a month you are in for yrs of heart ache!!!
2006-07-30 14:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by beth l 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated someone for 3 years, during which time he was gainfully employed half of the time. I felt bad for him and paid for a lot of stuff. After awhile that didn't work for me anymore. He was quite simply, not interested in working. You could wait another couple of months and see, but when someone tells you they don't want to work, and aren't looking for work, they usually mean it. If you do truly mean its you or the job, you could take a hiatus (not a breakup) and tell him to call you when and if he gets a job. Ultimatums only work if you want to follow through.
2006-07-30 14:44:29 · answer #4 · answered by TheyreComingToTakeMeAwayHaHa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As painful as it seems you need to count u'r loss. This prince charming was too good to be true. He is being totally unfare, obviously he knows that you can pay so he is unwilling to get a job to help support the relationship. if u'r willing to support him because hes 'nice' thats up to you but at the end of the day you'll be a broke #$*!
2006-07-30 14:50:51 · answer #5 · answered by babybounce 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dating can in basic terms shop him from getting the activity he needs if he makes it the clarification. In different words, there isn't any reason that your dating would desire to shop him from getting employed everywhere. there isn't any reason of him to even enable a destiny boss comprehend he's in a dating, so how ought to it preclude him from getting the activity? as nicely, the better situation is that him asserting that places the activity above the dating. A dating is probably for all times, yet a activity is replaceable. there are various greater employers he ought to artwork for than human beings he ought to be in love with. i think of he's making use of the dating as an excuse, while the genuine reason he's dropping one activity and could no longer get yet another lies with him. there is something approximately him that gets interior the way of his employment. And he's no longer treating you ok if he's going responsible you for no longer being waiting to get the hot activity. think of approximately it. How ought to it probable be your fault?
2016-10-01 06:56:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him! This is a sign of times to come. If you have only been dating him for a month and you already see how lazy he is...dump him. Chances are you haven't seen the worst of him...sounds like a loser!
2006-07-30 14:43:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE DATING A CHILD.
Time to move on, find you an older man with a job, a house, experience, maturity, and the interest in rocking your world.
Accepting resumes?
2006-07-30 14:43:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is that important to him to do this drummer thing, I'd say support im on it. And in the end, he'll respect you more for it. Then, when you want to do something, expect(demand)the same from him.
2006-07-30 14:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by Cowboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the low down dude hes a lazy b.and that u want a dude that can feed his kids
2006-07-30 14:42:24 · answer #10 · answered by Hea Dude ! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋