Do working mothers have it tougher?

Question

I recently had a my 3rd child...& I have all three children in DayCare. I have nothing against DC. I pay more $$$$. But I also work f/t, as well as my hubby. I hear alot of negative stuff towards a working mother that has to work for a living and having to attend a family and household. It amazes me how ppl can be so negative. I should be given credit to be a working mother and much more. I don't have the option of a SAHM, but I love what I do. Am I wrong to feel like ppl are just so ignorant towards a working mother?

btw-me and hubby are barely making it. We can't even get a loan for a house. So it does take 2 ppl to make it. I'm independent,as well.

Answer 1

A good daycare can be good in ways a Stay At Home parent can not be. Notice I said a "good" daycare. In a group daycare setting, your child has peers. At home, everyone is either younger or older. They get an opportunity to learn social skills at daycare, that they otherwise won't be exposed to until the first day of school. And, as any parent can tell you, that day is stressful enough, without adding another wild card.

Granted, there's more risk of disease being spread at daycare, but that also could be a blessing in disguise. Occasional exposure to colds, the flu, etc. helps their immune system to mature, where, again, they won't otherwise get that until school.

I've found that daycare kids are usually more independent and confident that those with stay at home parents.

Answer 2

I had a working mom my entire life, and i also didn't have a mom who was there for me when it came to Parent/Teacher conferences, Volunteer at the school, or when i was sick and needed to be brought home. She was never there. Luckily I had a Grandma who was there for me, and she did all of the above!
I'm not saying all mothers are like that, but because of what i saw and experienced as a child, i also told myself that when i get married and have kids, i will make sure my husband gets a good education and is able to supports his family so i don't have to work, and can stay home with my kids! That is my personal opinion, i do not look down on women who work, as you said, you don't have the choice to be a SAHM, so there is not an option! I do know that mothers who have a f/t job technically work 2 f/t jobs! Working at your job and then coming home to start another '8 hour shift', i can't even begin to imagine what that must be like!
I do believe you have it tougher, but some women are just built to handle that much stress, and that large a work load!
If i had to go back to work after having children i would work p/t and only when my husband was home or leave kids with a babysitter for a little bit until my husband got home.
I believe parents need to be apart of the childs life because I came to really resent my mother, (Not just because she was a working mother, there were other factors, she was single and always stressing on finding a man to lay in her bed rather than caring about her own children!) You do sound like a good mother, and not saying you don't spend time with you kids, but just make sure they know you love them, spend time with them and be there for them! (Hurt from past experiences)
You are not wrong to work, and it's nice to hear someone who likes what they do, and make sure your kids know that too!
I hope this didn't sound offensive at all, thats not how it was intended!
Good Luck!

Answer 3

No matter what you do, people are always going to have something to say about the way you do it.

If you had all 3 kids at home with you, the house would probably be a mess 90% of the time and you would always be exhausted. And beleive it or not, someone would have something negative to say about that. They would probably say, "She ought to get out more! I don't know why she stays couped up in the house all day!"

Some of the experts suggest that a child should be at home with his mother until age 5 while others suggest that children need some degree of social interaction with other children their age. Being a product of 2 working parents myself I can say that I enjoyed being in daycare and preschool much more than staying at home and competing for attention from my mother. Going to preschool forced me to come out of my comfort zone so when I went to Kindergarten I was in the top half of my class. I did not suffer as much of a culture shock as some of the other kids did.

Answer 4

Tell me that the only way you can afford to keep your kids off the street is by working and I have sympathy. Tell me that you can't afford the BMW/Mercedes or 3500 sf McMansion unless you work and that's your choice - not a necessity - and nobody want to listen to someone whine about their choices.

I look around at my friends in the dual income household and - more often than not - they are working for their things - not out of dire necessity. When someone chooses to make their life difficult, why should they expect to get credit for the tough situation? You don't like the tough situation - give up the toys and simplify.

I live in a older house and drive a mid level car even with a 6-figure income BECAUSE my wife (who left a 6-figure income) and I wanted our children to have the advantages we had of SAHM until their school years. I don't go around asking people to feel sorry for me that I don't have the high end life style. That's the sacrifice we made.

Answer 5

I think the negativity comes from alot of people feel like you are letting someone else raise your children when you work fulltime and have your youngins in a daycare fulltime.. I mean, how much interaction can you possibly have with them? KWIM?
I think its mentally harder for a working mother then a sahm.. Because you mentally know someone else is tending to your children, and then you come home from working all day and your work is not done.. I know you know what I'm talking about.
I did the fulltime work/daycare with child #1 and I refused to do it with baby #2. I work part-time 3rd shift a few 8 hour nights a week and I'm home with the kids all day everyday... I like it better this way

Answer 6

No, working mothers don't have it tougher, and no you shouldn't be given more credit than a stay-at-home mom. You made your choice, and you are dealing with the consequences. So are moms at home. They made the choice to probably deal with much less financially, but are there for every moment in their kids' lives. I had that as a child, and my husband and I decided to do the same for our family. It has been really difficult, but worth the decision. I don't think people are really "ignorant" towards working mothers, but more the bad attitude that some carry.

Answer 7

I found that I got more respect when I was a working mother than when I became a SAHM. It's like since I don't make any money, I'm not worth much anymore. Being a SAHM or a Working Mom is a TOUGH JOB, no matter what anyone says. Just be proud of what you do if you enjoy it, if people are unhappy with your choices it's their problem, not yours!

Answer 8

I know you are married and working but think also of the difficulties of a working single mother. Then think again and compare with a single working father.

I've been there and done that for several years starting with 2 in diapers. And I didn't have the option to sit at home and live off someone else.

Answer 9

I'm a single parent and it was very tough for me to work outside of home and send my boys to daycare. I since found a work at home opportunity that allows me to not pay daycare anymore, saves me a ton on gas, and pays me double what i made out in the field.
We all have to crawl before we walk. I wish you the best of luck in finding your way. You can of course im me at anytime and I'll be glad to tell you what i do for a living if you are looking to stay at home and make a great living (no gimmicks)!

Answer 10

I think working mothers deserve a lot of praise. I don't think I could keep up that schedule. But think aobut this for a min. How much profit are you making..
By the time you pay for Day Care for 3 kids, the gas going back and forth, is it worth it to you. I don't know where you work or how much you make.
But do make time for the children.

Pay no attention to those who critisize you. They do it because they mistakenly think they are better than you.

My hat's off to you. I could never keep up that schedule with all my other work.