I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law in almost a year.?

Question

Almost a year ago, my fiance's stepmom and I had a huge fallout. My fiance never liked his stepmom because she is partly responsbile for his parents' marriage ending in divorce.

A year ago, after what I thought was a nice day out, I was verbally attacked by my mother-in-law. Out of the blue, she started calling me names and told me that I was nothing but a piece of crap. It stunned me to hear those harsh words been said. I was shocked because I never saw it coming. We got along so well and I took her shopping and drove her to get her groceries done whenever she wanted to.

I was told that she got mad at me because she's just jealous of what my fiance and I have. We've been building a solid foundation for our life and purchased a brand new home and brand new car. She told me that the day we'll crawl back because we can't make the payments, she'll laugh at us and let us rot in hell.

I've felt so bad since then and I've questionned everything. I haven't seen my father in law that much since the incident because my fiance and I refuse to allow that woman near me ever again. We want an apology from her and it doesn't seem like we're going to get it anytime soon. Are we wrong to want an apology for that? What should we do? The family situation is just so complicated. We want to invite the dad over, but we don't want the stepmom in our house. What to do?

My fiance tells me that we're better off this way, but I am a person who needs closure.

Note: she doesn't work and she's at home all day, it's hard to get a hold of dad without her knowing that we called. We can't e-mail either because she scans all e-mails.

Answer 1

Your probly taking this alot harder than she is, people like that have no concience. But don't let her know that she gets to you. Have you talked to your father in law about it? Does he know she lashed out like that? I hope this does not put distance in your relationship with him. So don't let it! Still invite them places, shes gonna be the one to feel out of place. And if you act like the bigger person, you will gain alot of respect from your father in law. She will look like an immature brat if she either refuses to come, or acts out of line infront of him. I know you don't like her, and for good reasons. But understand that your father in law obviously loves this woman, so accept her on his behalf. Let her act the way she does...your better than that. Theres a little thing I like to call karma, lol. She'll get hers. I'm assuming she was his mistress? Once a cheat, always a cheat.....

Answer 2

Wow, your mother in law sounds like she needs medication or something. To be off the wall like that all of a sudden... Hmmm?
She had alot more on her mind when she said all that to you. I think you only heard half of what was on her mind. So the best bet is your husband needs to talk to his dad and try and set things in a better light. Find out what happened to make her so mad at you guys for real. If it is jealousy then she needs help.
Sad really. If your father in law is a good guy he will try to resolve this issue or he will make other arrangements to see you without her.

Answer 3

i'm sorry, however the subjects you have are fairly all your guy or woman. you won't be waiting to regulate what somebody says, yet you could administration your reaction to it. some thing you have no longer completed. even taking something somebody says to heart whilst they're decrease than the impression of alcohol is in basic terms a waste of potential on your section. they are no longer questioning for sure - there's no reason to hold a grudge for whilst somebody isn't of their nicely suited ideas. in case you lay palms on somebody over words, you deserve what's coming to you.

Answer 4

Closure is a great thing...when you can ge it. It sounds like she wouldn't allow closure if she knows that's what you want. She sounds like a vindictive shrew! Chances are she will never apoloize.

If I were in your shoes, I'd call dad when you know she's gone (maybe call him at work) and invite HIM over or meet him for lunch without her. Does he know what hapened? If so I'm sure he will understand why you don't want her to come over. If she does show up, don't answer the door and tell her to go away and leae you all in peace.

If you really want to get back at her, be nice to her. She's probably used to being verbally abused when she's mean and may not know how to react to someone being nice to her.

Rom 12:20 But if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him to drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head.

Answer 5

As tempted as you may want to talk to her do not. Try to forgive the comments she makes, other wise you are giving in. She may want you to give in to your anger or frustration and responding accordingly. Possibly opinions of you will forever tarnished and will sadly never be what it should be. Do not try to win her over as a friend, kept it formal. Hopefully, some day she will respect and understand you are coming from.

Consider yourself very fortunate that your husband is supportive. Listen to him on this one. He is been part of this family for a little longer than you and probably know what he is talking bout it. She is probably bitter regarding things you can not control. Search within yourself to forgive her and move on. As much as you do not think so she is winning, and getting you work up over nothing. If your continence is clear, than let it go.

Take good care.

Answer 6

It's great that you want to see closure. However, there's no way that you should put yourself in a situation where you would have to deal with that witch.
Let her rot in hell and listen to your fiance. He's really looking out for your best interest here.

Answer 7

What a tough situation. There isn't anything I can really say in a few paragraphs that is going to help. Your future mother-in-law clearly has issues that she will have to work through. All you can do is decide whether or not to be around your future in-laws. You can't force them to change. Here is a book that may help. Its about dealing with "toxic people" - I would say your future in-laws qualify!http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312152329/sr=1-1/qid=1154305530/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-2735860-4286341?ie=UTF8&s=books

Answer 8

your best bet is to send a letter telling her that you are sorry that it has come down to this, and that you really hope that someday you can all make peace. HOWEVER< you need to not worry so much about closure, but about yourself and your fiance. Be happy and enjoy yourself with no guilt. You can't make the lady like you.

Answer 9

She is what she is and won't change, Feel sorry for the man that has to live with that(her), so you can forget an heartfelt apology- She told you how she feels so believe her and feel fotunate that you you found out so early. dont have any contact with her for your own sanity but you can still talk to and see dad, just not in her presence. let dad know how you feel so he doesn't feel confused and knows how you really feel about him. you are not required to subject yourself to negativity just to make someone else feel better.
After a little bit of that she may re-evaluate her thinking and offer a genuine apology of her own on her own. and maybe she won't.

Answer 10

Be happy and go on with your life. You don't need such negative vibes in your life... you're better off without a person who thinks so little of you. Truth of the matter is that at the end of the day, she's the one who is going to be embarassed.