Should I leave my family and not get in contact with them, ever?

Question

I grew up in a dysfunctional family where as a child I was physically abused and neglected throughout my childhood. Now I’m grown and they need me more they I need them; should I still acknowledge them as parents? I tried to give them my respect and when they ask me about my life, I would tell them what’s going on but after giving them a brief of my goals and accomplishments, they would put me down and said that I am stupid for having such goals. I think at the age of 23, working in a large investment breakage firm is a pretty good job but they say I will fail in my goals. I forget to tell you, my parents are on welfare, meaning they are failure themselves. They constantly say that I am stupid and no person would want me as a mate, I am pretty good looking, woman stare at me and flirt with me all day, but my parents would only say the woman that have interest in me are whores. People say that in order for a person to be complete, he or she must forgive the wrongs of the parents and go on. I did forgive my parents but when I try to start at the beginning and want to start a positive relationship with them, the abuse starts again. I tell the this but it seems as if they are not hearing me and there response is always, your stupid and I know what’s best, I am smarter than you. However, both of my parents don’t have college degrees or anything near such status. Should I say the hell with them and live my life. Cut them out of my life forever? Please no religious stuff, I’ve read them and as you all know, the bible is subjected to “personal” interpretation. So what you get out of he bible is not the same for me. So please no religious quotes.

Answer 1

You said it pretty well yourself. It's important to learn to forgive past transgressions so you can move on.

You forgave, so move on now. Without them. The family that you choose in life is way more important than the family that chance put you with.

In my opinion, they regret your success because it glaringly points out their own failings.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I really don't know what your going through but I'll try to help you. It sounds like you are a really sweet guy and maybe when your parents were younger there parents did the same thing to them. Don't worry I won't give you any bible quotes i don't believe in god. But I do think that you should still stay in touch with your parents. Maybe instead of seeing them everyday possibly once a month or something that works with your shedule. I hope everything works out for you i really do! When your parents tell you that you're a failure just ignore them and change the subject. You know that your not and that you're a good person. And I'm sure others do to. your parents probly pick on you because your living the life that they wanted but never got. If your parents need you still then I would sit down and say for the last time "Okay mom, dad look eather you stop what your doing to me or I'm leaving and you won't hear from me again" and if that doesn't work then leave for a little while. you shouldn't have to put up with them and don't! But i can't tell you what to do so you have to make up your mind for yourself but good luck and you have my best wishes!!

Answer 3

Man, my heart goes out to you. Nobody should have to live a life like that. I don't know if you knew the singer Johnny Cash or not but you should listen to some of his songs that he sings.

Even though your family has put you down as bad as they have threw all the abuse that they have dished out to you, do you realize what they have really done for you in the long run? I have read what you wrote here. They made an adult out of you that is going to MAKE IT in this world!! The funny thing is they don't have a clue that they made a strong person out of you.

I assume that you have some money saved up. I would go ahead find me a place to live that you could afford. I would not be in contact with them for a month or so until you can get your head on straight and concentrate on your own life. Then after you get "off the ground" and can make it ok, call or go visit them. If you still have the same problem, then if you want to walk out of their life, that is you. But they are your parents and the only ones that you will ever have. They are the ones that have the problem, not you!!! Good luck with your new future, and God bless you!!

Answer 4

I am so sorry that your parents treat you the way they do. If you still love them, there is no reason why you can't try to share your life with them. Talk with them on the phone, if they start in tell them you have to go. Hang up and try again at another time. Eventually they will get the message. The only religious quote I am going to give you is this. Respect your parents, however, your parents haven't played their roles appropriately so therefore respecting them is out of the question. Parents are not supposed to ire their children. You are an educated person so I know you know what that means. Do not allow your parents to degrade you like that. Put your foot down and let them know that it will not be tolerated. If they don't listen, for your own self preservation, cut the ties.

Answer 5

my dad was like u and still is and he moved even out of the state and it worked wonders 4 him! if u have tried many times 2 start new with them and they r still like that u cant allow urself 2 go thru the abuse it will only hurt u! here is wat i wud do in ur case.
write a letter 2 them saying that u r moving on and that u tried 2 b a great son but all that they dd was hurt u and that parents arent supposed 2 do that 2 their children and that u r not stupid that u love them but that it isnt healthy 4 u 2 live in that kinda situation i wud probably move 2 a new house and not tell them where it is find a nice girl get married settle down and make sure u dont make the same mistakes that ur parents made! i no that its hard 2 leave entirely but its 4 the best! plz e-mail me if u wud like 2 talk with me more about this! i hope that that helped u!

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I'm only 14 but I've been in the same situation. Mines not quiet as bad, but I really know how you feel. At times I think, when I'm older do I ignore them and move on? Or do I forgive and still speak to them. No one can really make this decision, except for you. You have to do what you think what's right for you. Even though it might hurt letting go, if you decided to do that, that would probably be for the better. No one should be put down, and called stupid. If letting go would make you feel better and more confident, then go for it. They've had their chance, and that's not your fault if they've messed it up. Make yourself a better person, and make your dreams come true. Good luck!

Answer 7

I m sorry to learn that you had such difficulties in your life. Try to tackle on thing at a time. Focus on yourself and your wellbeing. I am not saying to be selfish, but you deserve to have a normal life do take care of yourself.

I saw your question about Community Colleges. I recommend you go to your nearest community college and ask them about their guaranteed transfer option. What that means is that you can attend a CC and if you meet the minimum requirements you can transfer to the four year college of your choice. For example if you went to Santa Monica City College and you took the correct courses and had a minimum GPA of 3.0 you are guaranteed transfer to UCLA. But most community colleges have options like this, go you the one nearest you, and start there. The thing about CCs is that you have to be motivates and you can’t loose focus. Hang in there, good luck.

Answer 8

Maybe you are deliberating fundamentalist Mormons who reside in remoted groups. I'd now not be a little amazed if a few of the ones groups preclude households from contacting people who have left or been kicked out. But the "mainstream" Mormon church does not have any legitimate coverage that could preclude households from keeping touch with a member who has left. It is feasible that a exact Bishop (a congregational chief like a pastor or priest, however layman now not legitimate) could have instructed a household to take action, however this could now not be LDS Church coverage and he could customarily now not achieve this with the blessing of his superiors. Generally talking, Mormons attempt to hold touch with household participants who've left -- they are household, in the end! Sometimes it really works, generally it does not. It thoroughly is determined by the personalities concerned.

Answer 9

You don't need them in your life. If you are doing well then keep on going. Eventually they are going to bring you down with them with all of the critisism of you. You will lose everything you have. You have a great job and I'm sure that you are going to meet someone that will like you for who you are. I am 15 years old and I am kind of in the same situation with my mother. I have a great father but my mother was always bad and abusive. I have tried to get back with her but she ends up doing the same thing and it just makes me feel bad about myself again. I say get out of that. Don't look back and have a good life. I hope you have a lot of success in your life. I hope this helped you.

Answer 10

Wow...harsh. I have a parent I do not speak to for treating me with complete disregard and always cutting me down and saying things to make me feel like I was worthless. When it extended to him berating my family, I put my foot down. It has not bothered me at all to not speak to him. I look at it like this...I have been quite successful and happy with my life. While I have certainly had my fair share of trials and hardship, at least I do not have to listen to someone else berate me and make me feel like I'm not good enough. I figure, his loss. It has also made me feel more peaceful to not have that to contend with.
Obviously you have done quite well and do not need their help. It sounds as if they are jealous of your accomplishments anyway. All of the credit belongs to you for making life better for yourself in spite of your upbringing.
If you do not want to stop speaking to them or seeing them altogether, I would certainly limit my contact with them and do not offer them more information than is absolutly necessary. If they ask you for things, tell them you can't help, you are unable. If they want you to visit, make an excuse why you can't or conveniently plan something else at the same time. As long as you do not have to rely on them for anything, why put yourself in that situation? You are just allowing them to continue to abuse you and that is not reasonable or fair. Moreover, do not confide in them about your daily life or accomplishments. Tell your friends, instead.
Good luck to you, my friend. It is hard to escape situations like that. Distancing yourself is the only way. Even if it means no contact at all.
By the way, all women are NOT whores and I am sure there is a nice girl out there that will show you real, true love and friendship. First, get this straight then open your heart.