I find that I love kids but the younger like newborn to 2 I have little patience. I think as a Dad (Pround Dad I Might Add) am I being a bad father if I leave the majority (not all, I play with and change the diapers rarely, buy toys, and talk to him alot) to my wife. I helped when asked or if I see I am needed. I just don't spend as much time as I do with my older daughter. Understand it's better to me because she can understand (shes 3yrs old). Am I no good???
2006-07-30 10:38:46 · 21 answers · asked by Atypical Marvel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The comments was made because my wife feels I may not be bonding. Plus some of you thing I am not spending time with my daughter. If yu read the question closely thats not the case..........thanks for the answers so far.
2006-07-30 11:27:01 · update #1
Don't let anyone make you feel bad because you can't relate to the very young. I can't either, either humans or animals.
It takes them longer to learn, they can't communicate effectively and this is a normal source of frustration. With animals, they're hard to train at such an early age, so whenever I want to get an animal, it is best that the animal (dog or cat) is no less than 18 months old, when they're already trained and they're able to grasp how you communicate with them.
The same with babies. Newborn babies are really cute but they keep you up at night and a person can go crazy trying to figure otu what they want or what's wrong with them, especially when they're sleep deprived. Toddlers and children under 5 are a real pain in the *ss. You might be able to communicate a little better, but they're very difficult to deal with, and you're most tempted to beat the hell out of them. (And don't you dare go all hypocritical on me and criticize me for that, because if you don't, you either never dealt with one of them, or you're outright liars).
In other words, nothing is wrong with you. It really takes an extra patient person to deal with such children and animals.
2006-07-30 10:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by imagineworldwide 4 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Ask yourself that question. Do you feel guilty? It may be frustrating that your son is just an infant and he may not understand much right now....but he will not remain an infant he will grow and soon be like your daughter. Since studies have shown that children develop the most and quickest from infancy thru toddler hood, it might be beneficial to you, your wife, and your son if you participated a little more with the baby. Keep up the good work with the daughter but don't forget or neglect your wife and son they need you just as much. Take Care..
2006-07-30 10:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by orthogurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men do not like babies as they cant do much and have to rely on you for everything. I can understand it - though i dote on my 2 month old baby. My son is 15 years old and wont hold his baby brother at all.
You do a lot more than most Fathers and you should be proud of yourself.
You are there when your wife needs you and that is the main thing.
Your a good dad - enjoy it!
2006-07-30 10:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have directed this to mothers! Get in there, and get some sh&t on your hands, boyo !!!!! You'll find that the more time you spend with your kids, while they're really young, will strengthen your overall bond with them, when they're older. You'll also find that if you spend more time, the patience factor, will be better. Keep pushing, and you'll be better for it. Always work towards being a better dad, not just a good dad.
2006-07-30 10:54:53 · answer #4 · answered by flaming_dog_racing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The parenting style you describe is pretty typical of fathers, and I believe it is fine. As long as you are giving infant care when needed, it is okay to spend more time with the children who are old enough to talk. Does your wife disagree with this? Can you work out a compromise where you help her in some other way, so that caring for the infant isn't too burdensome?
2006-07-30 10:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A fussy or grumpy baby is always hard to deal with. But you need to suck it up. After all you need to bond with the new baby as well.
Spending time with you oldest is great. It will help her not to feel so replaced.
You are not being a bad dad, but you may be just taking the path of least resistance. Not a quality to pass on to the oldest daughter that is watch and learning from you.
2006-07-30 10:54:03 · answer #6 · answered by judyblue_pa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing just fine. My husband is the same way. He helped with diapers and feedings, stuff like that, but not much more. That's okay, there will be plenty of time when they get older, just like your three year old.
Keep up the good work, your wife does appreciate what you are doing. Believe it or not, it's more than what you think!
2006-07-30 10:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by ~SSIRREN~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to your wife about this, but if she has no problem with it, i think you're fine....not all fathers want to change diapers or even care that they aren't doing so...I'm glad to see that you care, and it shows what a great father you are....my father never changed my diaper....he spent time with me, bought me toys, and played with me.....my mother did the majority of the work...i think most mothers do that....It is great that you spend time with your older daughter, and remember to also spend time with your youngers too....you are good...if you still feel bad about this situation, talk to your wife and see what she says...she may not view this as a problem at all....hope this helps!
2006-07-30 10:44:59 · answer #8 · answered by blue_bee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good dad. When a child is young the only thing you can really do is change diapers and talk to them. Just you being with them provides them with a comfortable presence, as they grow older you will find its easier to have a proper relationship with them.
2006-07-30 10:41:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't say that you are no good, if your wife doesn't have a problem with it don't worry about it, i have 2 teenaged boys who spend the majority of their time hangin with dad now but rarely when they were toddlers because he just didn't have a knack for the tantrums and such of children so small but they still love him and think the world of him
(personally i think he's a great dad even though we are not together anymore)
2006-07-30 10:43:45 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋