I'm having a really bad day; can anyone help me to feel better by telling a joke or giving inspiration?

Answer 1

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

DESIRDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Answer 2

Well, we all have bad days... maybe some of these will help.

When one door closes another one opens - but it's HELL in the hallway!

Will I remember this in ten years?

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - it just let out a little whine...

I was feeling sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I stole his shoes. Hey, it's not like he was using them, right?

Hope that helps somewhat. After all, a day is only 24 hours and we can all get through that.

Cheers,

Sam

Answer 3

reality is our own invention, therefore there are no false perceptions. i don't wonder about it at all, the only way "music has sucked since the 80's" is a valid statement is if one has listened to all music made since then. otherwise, how do you know? sure, there are lots of people that get hung up on the label and genre thing to the point that they limit themselves musically. each person defines what is or is not music for themselves, i don't think there is anything false about that, unless someone is defining music for them. i'm sure extreme metal is inspiring, new, and exciting, i'll take your word for it. i'll just throw this out...i was born in 1957, and i have recollection of hearing music in 61 and 62. there is an incredible amount of music i have heard and seen by an equally incredible amount of bands and "artists". even at that there is an even more incredible amount of music i haven't heard. with the internet i've come across an awful lot of music i have never heard, or maybe heard just a few times. most of the time purely by accident. no matter what year they were from, some of those little discoveries were just as inspirational, new, and exciting to me as if they had been released 2/15/11. yeah, there are lots of people that are narrow minded enough to refuse to acknowledge that another person could be capable of enjoying something they don't. and there are a lot of people that feel they have to fight, gnashing at the teeth, defending the music they cherish. i've seen it here in R&P, it cracks me up. it's music, not 10 rounds of bare knuckle boxing. now, most importantly. don't believe that oliver stone hollywood crap. the late 60's were not all peace, love, dope, and rock and roll like they would have you believe. i remember 1968, if you didn't get killed in the tet offensive you probably got your head bashed in by the chicago police. many people thought america was falling apart. there was nothing naive about that, and it changed many people's minds about that changing the world thing. music reflected that change just like you said. ma4: you can't measure creativity, if it's creative to you then it's present. *yes, but green acres, laugh in, and the partridge family were an escape from the troubles of the times. besides am top 40 radio and other variety shows, conservative ed sullivan was one of the few places where many of us could see and hear great musical acts of the day.

Answer 4

Today is bad, tomorrow will be better!! Get some dance music on and get yourself moving to it. Watch a funny movie or ring someone you haven't spoken to for a while.

If the weather is good get out there even if it is just a short walk it will make you feel better.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A wonkey
What is brown, smelly and sounds like a bell? Dung

Yes they are really naff jokes, but I hope they made you smile.

Answer 5

Answering machine message:
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

Funny bumper stickers:
Procrastinators unite... tomorrow
Bad spellers of the world...untie
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet..
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
Faster than a speeding ticket.
FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT !
Adults are just kids with money.
T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.
YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.
Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
If you can read this you are too close..
If your stupid and you know it honk your horn.
I hate bumper stickers!
There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it..
On the other hand...you have different fingers!
Keep honking, I am reloading!.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Look out! Behind you!
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day .
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.
I just love nonverbal communication!
You can't be late until you show up.
I'm serious; it was a joke.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
Why be normal?
Mean people suck!!
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Was today really necessary?
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
In theory, everything works.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
No matter where you go; you're there.
Your lucky color has faded.
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.
This is not an abandoned car.
Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.
Too many freaks, not enough circus's!
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
No Radio - Already Stolen!
All generalizations are false.
God Bless Our Troops.
I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
Don't laugh it's paid for.
I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!!
This was better than any diet I've ever been on.
0-60 in 15 minutes!
Hang up and drive!
DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.
I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV!
Study long study wrong.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you!
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
If you can read this you're in range.
I don't drive fast I fly low.
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
I am not speeding I am qualifying.
It took 40 years to make me look this good.
(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.
Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth
I pretend to work they pretend to pay me!
When there's a will I want to be in it!
If something goes without saying - LET IT!
I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!
You just lived your best moment, now GO live another!
Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE!

Answer 6

joke, its a blonde one so sorry if it upsets u
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

joke 2
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Answer 7

You're having a bad day? My girlfriend just dumped me because me manhood is too small and I'm fat. And on top of that I can't pay my bills because I'm unemployed and I'm about to go bankrupt. The neighboor's pit bull killed my cat of 10 years. Things absolutely suck, and you're having a bad day?

Hope you feel better.

Answer 8

I hope your day is getting better, I don't even know when this was written. but nothing is ever worth getting yourself in a snit for. Life is too short to worry or get upset about anything that is minute! I know it seems hard, but life is precious and far too short to sweat the small things! Good luck! Have a great rest of the day and concentrate on the good things!

Answer 9

Yes! Turn on the TV or open a newspaper.

Then let the great sense of relief fill you up that you are one of the lucky ones who is NOT stranded or living in Lebanon right now.

If that doesn't cheer you up I don't know what will.

Answer 10

My brother-in-law sent me this - I don't know where it came from, so I'm afraid I can't give credit where credit is due.


An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each
hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across
her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot
was perfect and always delivered a full portion of
water. At the end of the long walk from the stream
to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the
woman bringing home only one and a half pots
of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own
imperfection, and miserable that it could only do
half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure,
it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side
causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are
flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other
pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw,
so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and
every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful
flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just
the way you are, there would not be this beauty to
grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks
and flaws we each have that make our lives together so
very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are
and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and
remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path.