I share custody of my 7 yr old daughter. She lives in Hawaii with her mother, older bro and younger sis while I live in TX. Prior to school I would get my daughter at various times throughout the yr and had her up to 6 months each yr. Since school has started I get her primarily in the summer and any other break I can afford. I also go to HI and visit for 3-4 weeks each yr. Her mother will call me to chastise my daughter when she's done something wrong or when her mom can't get her to do something which I've always done in the belief that her mom & I need a united front. Its come to my attn that her mom now subtley bad-mouths me to my daughter, will not back me up on things that I've told my daughter and discounts anything Ive said. I'm basically presented to my daughter as the "bad guy" while her mom gleefully plays the "good guy". I've noticed that my daughter shys away from me now, something that hurts beyond belief. How do I prevent this from occurring but not spoil her?
2006-07-30 09:01:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I do my best to not to say anything negative about her mom but it definately is getting harder. I also do not let anyone else say anything negative about her in my daughters presence. And as much as I'd like to I'd never go against anything her mom has told her, no matter how wrong or incorrect I may think it is, w/o discussing it with her mom first. I am greatly biased but my daughter is very pretty. Her mom, the definition of stage mom, is basically teaching her to live off her looks but refuses to teach her anything about character or moral values. In this, I'm fighting a losing battle.
2006-07-30 09:49:39 · update #1
Oh yes, my daughter and I speak probably an average of twice a week when we are apart.
2006-07-30 09:52:43 · update #2
Explain to your wife that while she is at her house it is up to her (wife) to do the disiplining. You can not be cast as the bad parent this way. Talk to your daughter regulary and never bad mouth the mum. Let your daughter know every call how much you love her and you are only a phone call away if she needs to talk
2006-08-05 23:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First speak with your ex-wife about this. not by screaming over the phone, but by telling her that you feel you are being put down by her to your child and that you think its having an influence on your relationship with her.
second hold up to anything and everything you tell your daughter, if there's a possiblilty of you not being able to do whatever was said then don't tell her till youre for sure.
Keep in touch with your daughter call her regularly and by that I mean at least once a week. Give her something that she knows she can count on from you.
Stay in touch with both the mother and your child at all times. Tell her things that are going on with you that are age appropriate so that she feels she is still part of your life even though there is the great distance between you.
2006-07-30 09:10:52 · answer #2 · answered by sweethearrtofdc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though you are doing all that you possibly can for your daughter and that maybe her mother has feelings of jeaslousy.
Maybe what you need to do it talk to the mom privately about this and get it worked out?
If she is not agreeable to that then I would stop letting her use you as the *bad guy*. When she rings for you to chastise maybe you could talk with the child and see what her take is on this and go from there. Maybe your daughter acts up just to be able to hear your voice more often?
My question is this though... when she's with you in TX does she do the same thing to get her mom to react?
2006-08-03 22:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sucks and is unfair. You may have to consider moving to the Island b/c being a long distance Dad doesn't have the impact as daily influence. And not to mention letting your daughter see for herself that Mom is wrong on some issues. She may not understand fully but I believe kids know (by way of feeling) when things are not right.
For now keep making efforts to prove you care for her and will always be her Dad. At all costs avoid the dreaded and heartbreaking question that some kids ask: "Why weren't you there? Why didn't you contact me?"
I don;t know if there are any legal grounds for libel/slander with regard to parents and their children. but it might pay off to ask and scare the heck out of your ex!
2006-07-30 09:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah GB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of we ought to continually "plan" a fashion for success & then initiate the artwork. And as you suggested "wish", I won't say precisely that yet we ought to continually have a picture human beings getting success so as that we are in a position to maintain the inducement in the direction of the artwork we are doing. Now seconr area- "prepare for the worst", I dont consider the aid of fact thats too lots of thinking & will end all the ability, we ought to continually basically communicate approximately doing our area, with preserving one reason(as I even have suggested above), in any different case we will basically be left with philosphies webbed in our recommendations with no longer something executed very nearly.
2016-11-03 07:56:27 · answer #5 · answered by aguas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. the very best thing to do is love her.be as honest as you can without saying anything bad.my husband is having the same problem with his ex.fortunately we all live in the same town. i think all kids learn how to tell when their being played. within a couple of years she will be able to catch her mother in the lies and if you stay true she will be your baby girl again. i know its hard but don't give up. when she figures this out she will need you more than ever.
2006-08-02 15:12:57 · answer #6 · answered by ReRe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you can do is show your daughter love and NEVER say anything bad about her mom. SHe will see that you are not the bad guy and see who the problem is. just love her. she is a victim already of this mess
2006-07-30 09:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through this. Have you tried talking to your ex about it? If she still holds a grudge and wont talk about it I am not sure what you should do, but do talk to the kids. Do not talk bad about their Mom to them though. That is stooping to her level. In time the kids will figure out for themselves who the "bad" guy is. I wish you well.
2006-07-30 09:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by shirley e 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love her a lot and don't fall for her mothers tricks. the
next time she calls you to back up something she has
said, tell her if the child is becoming a problem you will
be happy to take her and raise her.
2006-07-30 09:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IGNORE IT
2006-08-06 08:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋