Would you be upset if...?

Question

...you met someone online, chatted awhile, decided to meet, and when he showed up, he was seriously disabled and hadn't told you. Seriously, I had no warning at all! I was nice to him, but it was such a shock to me, and I feel something he should have made clear. For instance, instead of "I'll have on a red shirt and khakis" he should have said "I'll have on a red shirt and khakis and be on two canes".

I don't know how to handle letting him down. It's not because of his disability, although I won't lie and say it doesn't matter (I'm a very active person), but because he hid it from me, and I think he'll hide other stuff too.

How would you feel?

Answer 1

You have to understand that he's probably done that with other people who logged off as soon as he said disabled. He's looking for someone who'll see beyond his disability. HOWEVER I agree with you... he kept something very important from you. He may try to say "Well what does it matter?" if you liked talking to him online, it means you like his personality. But relationships are more than that, and each person has to decide for themselves. If it were me I know I couldnt do it, not because I'm prejudiced but I know that some of the things I enjoy most they wont be able to share with me. He needs to tkae the hance that he will find someone who says the dont care, that'll be the one for him

Answer 2

I can understand someone with a disability hiding their disability by chatting with people online so they can meet people who "like them for who they are." While that's idealistic and everything, you can't do that to people if you're gonna meet up with them in person. He probably thought, "well she likes my personality so much, why should it matter that I'm disabled, I just won't say anything because it doesn't matter." But that's not really the right thing to do, it's even kind of selfish.

Answer 3

Tell him how you feel. And that you liked being lyed to . Maybe you just talk to him. Not everyone that iwith there disability cant be active, you cant hold that against him. Give him a chance and see where it goes from there. If nothing happens , least you made a new friend. But to tell you the truthits ssounds like your using it as in excuse not to talk to him amymore . Remember is problems been through alot and not telling you , it got the same reactions if he would of told you , either way, i think your not being fare

Answer 4

Just the same as you, like I was lied to and not trusted. And a physical attraction is important to everyone so don't feel bad about not being attracted to this guy.

I had a similar situation on Lavalife years back when I was single. I was chatting with this really nice guy then he sends me a picture and he was a dwarf, not that didn't change my attitude about him because I don't get attracted to someone over the computer, but it was a bit of a shock, to say the least. Just wasn't expecting it.

Answer 5

I agree he should have told you,but you must remember that he gets rejected all the time so that is more than likely his reasoning for not telling you and believe it or not some people arent hung up on apperances and they value true feeling of someone esle even if they are dissabled so just tell em what you said in your question that you think he mite hide other stuff also and your very active and it just wont work

Answer 6

You would have never met him if he had been honest. I say you should keep him as an internet friend and be nice to the guy.

I know you feel tricked....but I think he was just doing the best he could. Give him a chance to be your friend and find out more about his disability.

Answer 7

Yes, I think I would be upset a bit. Not by the handicap.. but due to the fact some facts were left out of the conversation. However.. learn from this. Sometimes online meetings are not all they are cracked up to be. I learned the hard way.. FYI I was almost raped by a freak that was nice on the internet.. on the phone.. but in real life.. he was a real perv. So becareful who you trust.

Answer 8

Mayb his reasoning was you would not like to meet someone who is disabled. I have a very good disabled friend who refuses to acknowledge that fact. His reasoning is, its like a cold or a cough that refuses to go away. They dont look @ it as a disability. Its just something that they live with and have their own ways and means of getting around. I would not get unduly upset but would drop a hint saying you can be totally honest with me :)

Answer 9

Grr..i would of been in a dispointing upset mood. i dont think thats cool to not someone know u have a disbility.. its a let down of what you were looking for wich ruins your day =/

Most likely if you let him go, he'll no its because of its disability.. so theres not much to do but just to tell him straight up this relation between u guys isnt gunna work out. its a hard situation and probily my info didnt help u as much, but i wish you much luck and have a nice day.

O, i need help on my situation aswell. could you please answer my question(s)?

well anyways. im off to get my dinner. see yaa ^^

Answer 10

Tell him how you feel, and let him know why it won't work. Let him know that he should be upfront about his mobility so that others are aware of it - meaning you are very active, and that is important to you, etc. I'm sorry.

Now in his defense, he wants people to accept "him" for who he is inside and not be judged by his lack of mobility. So you have to see his side as well.

This is a delicate situation - I suggest you handle it the same way. Truthfully, as gentle and honest as you can as well.