When is it time to tell your 19yr old daughter to find her on home if she does not follow family rules?

Answer 1

As soon as you have reached the point when her failure to follow house rules is creating a strain on you, especially if you are assisting by providing a roof over her head and meals for which she is making no monetary contribution. She must be made to realize that being part of a family has certain inherent obligations and she is too old to take advantage of the "free ride".

Answer 2

Maybe you could start by making some rules that will prompt her to choose to live on her own. Beginning with - if you live here, you either go to college, or get a good job, and help pay some of the bills that you create as well. That may get her on the track to responsibility real soon! Whatever the case, she is at a tough age, when she is no longer a minor, but she's not sure how to be an adult. Give her a bit of freedom, but be firm when you make the rules of the house (including curfew). Young adults may not agree with this, but this is the way to ensure some kind of adult responsibility!

Answer 3

The time was every day before she turned 18.

The time right now is NOW -- and she needs to hear from YOU (or you and your spouse) that there is NO MORE chances here at all -- and these ARE the house rules: YOU are 19 years old. YOU have to have had your HS Diploma by this time. A 19 year old IS an adult, and SHE needs to understand there are ADULT consequences for her choices -- if she is NOT working full time, then she needs to be in college -- in any case -- if not in college (and it is a one-shot deal -- either pass the classes or move out), then you move out and deal with life as an adult.

In any case, she WILL learn ONLY when she is on her own -- so give the rules -- no job, no income, no place here at home to live -- I/We will NOT facilitate you living off another, because this is MY/OUR income, and I/WE need to start taking care of ourselves after all the years of taking care of our children. I/We love you, and the way I/we will NOW show that I/we care and love you is BY letting you experience FULL Adulthood -- the birdie MUST fly on their own. So ... here is what is going to happen ...

I/We are drawing up this contract, and in 30-90 days, you either have to have a job, pay market rate for rent, her fair share of food, electric, phone, etc -- (and do NOT do any chores for her too -- let her clothes STINK to high heaven!), and you do NOT do your fair share of chores, then you WILL be EVICTED from this residence.

Does she have a key to the house? Now is as good a time as any to change the locks to your doors and the code on your alarm system (if you have one) to be able to make this break at this time. Once the locks are changed, and she REALIZES that she just can't come and go as she pleases, and has to face the REALITY of paying BILLS on her own -- (and sometimes has to FAIL at that responsibility and hit rock bottom), then the Newly Minted Adult will finally be appreciative of all the efforts you have put forth on their behalf.

You have done what you can. She IS an adult, and MUST experience Adult consequences. Just don't back down and let her back in until she realizes what she needs to do -- which may not be quick in coming.

Answer 4

If she's causing trouble in your home and won't follow the rules, I don't think the best thing to do would be to kick her out. Maybe sit down and talk with her about why she is doing what she is doing.
Maybe she is going through something and needs some support - people act out in different manners. Perhaps she needs her own space, or maybe you are more overbearing than you would like to admit. She is an adult and she should be treated like one. Many parents don't realize that they treat their adult children who live at home like children much of the time - which causes lots of problems at home.

Answer 5

At first, I though your question said NINE year old. And, I thought to myself what monsters you must be.

Then, I reread the question, and had a big sigh of relief!

Tell your daughter that she has 2 weeks to shape up, or she is out of the house. In that 2 weeks she should be looking for a new place to live and a job.

You should still try to help her so that she doesn't end up sleeping in a box, but be sure she understands that you will no longer be providing her support.

Good luck!

Answer 6

How can anyone make a judgement on that question without knowing more of the facts? She is an adult and perhaps your rules need to be adjusted. Perhaps she is tramping around and using you. If she is paying rent then her life should be none of your business. If there was an agreement made to her living there, both parties should adhere to it. So, as the parent, it is up to you to asses the situation and be fair.....and take the high road. Remember, you are the role model here.

Answer 7

2005

Answer 8

Inspite the fact that she is legally eligible to have her freedom, but still since you are asking this question openly, you do love her and wish to allow her to stay with you....thats really nice. So, instead of acting in the HeadMistress role, you should treat her as if she were your friend and confide her in such manners that she will follow the family rules appreciatively. I think some friendly words will trick the magic.....try it.....you both still have pretty much chances to live under one roof.

Answer 9

When she turned 18.

I'm sorry...it's possible you're from a culture that accepts family at all ages without condition. But in my American culture...when a child turns 18: he or she is a legal adult.

She obeys the rules always set aside by attentive, responsible parents - or she pays her way on a contract just like rent.

if she cannot abide - she moves.

Answer 10

Before she begins to not follow the rules. Sit her down and talk to her. Give her the options and a timefame for when she has to be out if she doesn't start following the rules.