A relative dies that the whole families knew she hates me,they ask me to put money together for funeral i did,now they wants me to attend the funeral and say some nice about this person,i don't want to go but if i do decide on going what should i say about a this person that spend her living years hating me.any suggestion.
2006-07-30 08:07:28 · 16 answers · asked by meme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Listen, just think for a moment. I think it is better if you go and talk. There must be at least one thing in that person that is good. We all have something good. Maybe, she was not nice with you, but she was very helpful, and cared about others.
PD. Sorry about the English! I am from Argentina, and I am not a very good English speaker =O
2006-07-30 08:14:08 · answer #1 · answered by Juu* 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look beyond the funeral. What we're really talking about here is your future relationship with your family. The dead are gone. You're going to have to think about how your actions will be judged by the living.
Remember that you are not obligated to attend the funeral and if you do you are not required to say anything. Chances are good that if this relative was that hateful, there are other people who will also not wish to get up and lie about them. Just sit there with a neutral expression on your face that others can misinterpret as you struggling with your grief.
2006-07-30 15:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by No Drama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one...well, who is this relative? Why would someone, KNOWING that this person hated you, ask you to pay for a funeral for someone that hated you, and then want you to attend?! That's kind of mean. I guess if you're going to go out of respect, and be an adult about it, you could say something like," out of the kindness of my heart I paid for so and so's funeral and I stand her today to tell you that even though this person hated me....." and then go on to say positive things this person did in their life. Like their accomplishments: schools, marriage, children, grandchildren, volunteer work, etc. Whatever you can think of. (You know this person better than anyone here on yahoo.) Good luck and I'm sorry you were put in this position.
2006-07-30 15:18:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. Since you've already helped out with money for the funeral and everyone is aware of how she felt about you, go to the funeral if you must, but don't try to say anything. It would be hypocritical to speak and your contributing to expenses and being there at the service, will say way more than words.
2006-07-30 15:14:30 · answer #4 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my first thought and suggestion here just simply wouldn't work---I was going to say ---just kill her with kindness
But---the idea could still stand---would it not be somewhat of a treat to you---with a certain mind set---to know that YOU got the last word in with this individual--and that in spite of all the negative things ---you were the bigger person after all and followed thru with something far better than she probably deserved ??---
I think you should do this----make a heroic effort to find enough good stuff to say---that it covers the absolute basics---and the deed will be done---behind you---and from now on---you will know that you did an above and beyond thing---and that will make you happy about yourself and how you are---all---really good stuff
2006-07-30 15:17:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definately wouldn't go to the funeral. Any I certainly wouldn't have given any money. A family member who hates you isn't a real family member.
Would she have given money if the roles were reversed? I doubt it. Sounds selfish, and I'm not trying to sound mean, but she got her's [as far as I'm concerned].
So she didn't have life insurance? Sounds like she's dumb AND a terrible relative!
2006-07-30 15:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't go!! but if you do go tell the truth about her and why she hated you! that will shock the whole family. i mean what ever yuo do don't go and say something nice about her after she hated you. And don't give any money either. if someone ask you y your not helping tell them that she hated you and you have no reason to help.
2006-07-30 15:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by ~ goth ~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You always mention how the person felt about you or you think she felt. How do you feel about her? Just listen to your heart, and the words will come, it is always a difficult thing to lose someone, whether they were your favourite or not. God Bless
2006-07-30 15:16:54 · answer #8 · answered by Neptune2bsure 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do it-you'll feel better and the family will look favorably upon you. Just know that it was probably the HATE that killed her.
2006-07-30 15:14:09 · answer #9 · answered by johnnydean86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to them how you feel if you are uncomfortable speaking about the person and then tell them that you dont want to.
2006-07-30 15:11:03 · answer #10 · answered by NessaR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋