I had an argument with my fiance and his grandma got between.What should I do?

Question

My fiance and I were arguent about moving out of state.He is from missori and he wants me to move out there onces he is done with the Navy.I told him that I don't want to go out there and he got so upset with me cause I told him before that I might go but I now change my mind.I had a bad expirence before, I moved out of state for this guy and things didn't work out. His family didn't like me and the relationship didn't work out like the way I tough. So, I told my fiance that I am afraid that I might go through the same bad expirence like what I went trough before. Any way, my fiance and I live together and his gradma came from Missori for visit in our place. As soon as she heard us arguent she got her nose where she shouldn't be. My fiance said we want to get married and have kids and I said no I don't want too.but I didn't finish saying what I was going to say.and his gradma said there is some girls want to have kids without getting married so, they can get help from the goverment

Oh my godness she should of never said that. As soon as she said that I went upstairs in my room and started crying cause I was so angry. I was about to call the police so, they could of escort me out.Went this lady said that he was walking out of the door and he said he didn't hear what his gradma said. I couldn't believe what she said to me in my own place when, I also provide money to have the place we have.I didn't tell her anything I suck it up that's also the reason that I was so upset.I told my fiance that just because is his gradma dosen't mean that I will take **** from her.He told me he was going to talk to her bla bla. me and him are ok now. After this big conflic I told him that I can not stay home while his grabma was in here.He didn't want me to go anywhere, he told me to stay in my room. I said heck no I am not staying here lock just because of your gradma. I am leaving with my family until your gradma leaves, witch is in 5 days. I prolly would of exploted if stay home.

Answer 1

You should save your arguments for a time when you don't have company. It is rude to air your dirty laundry when you have company. As for her butting in ...... you could politely tell her the discussion does not involve her BUT expect to be disliked after that AND by doing it in front of her you kind of asked for her to butt in.

Answer 2

That, was an unfortunate scene, and I can easily understand why that made you feel encroached upon. The fact is, there are some bad things and some good things present in your current situation. First of all, you're living together, but you're not married. I've done that before, too,once and even though I ultimately married her, I've regretted it enormously ever since (though not for any religious reasons or anything like that). It just invites scrutiny and outside interference (like what you experienced) from people you wouldn't have to be bothered with otherwise, were they not in your house. And they're in your house because you can't very well tell your housemate their grandmother can't come in. The same would likely be true if you were married too, but the dynamics would be different: you'd be the bona fide woman of the house, and there's a certain "hierarchy" that works in your favor when family gets in your business. You get to righteously tell them to "butt out". What's good, though, is your thought process. Having gone through something similar before, you wisely are skeptical against uprooting yourself again and moving on the faith that someone else will consider your interests and well-being ahead of their own. That's very smart, and a sign that you are adaptable enough to learn from past mistakes. Since you're not even sure you want to marry this guy anyway, you certainly shouldn't plan on an out-of-state move with him. And even making room for the possibility that you may change your mind between now and the time his enlistment is up, you still shouldn't move without the legal protection of having a husband. Husbands ( and wives) have a legal and moral obligation to consider the other spouse in major decisions, and there are repercussions and remedies when either party fails to do just that. As to what you should do at this point, I would recommend continuing like you are on your present course. You've got a firm handle on the situation, and you're well aware of what's in your best interest and what's not. Stick to your guns and respect your own feelings.

Answer 3

This certainly doesn't sound good. Grandma is the more serious part of this in my opinion. Will his whole family try to butt into your life?

You need to sit down with your fiance and talk things over in a calm, intelligent manner. For starters, while I understand, you shouldn't judge him on someone else's actions. See if you can find out if his whole family is the type to try to "help" out family situations, or if this is just grandma. He, on the other hand, should understand and appreciate your concerns about your past experience.

It sounds like you need some pre-marital counseling. If your fiance is serious about you, he shouldn't have any objections to going.

The final decision is yours, and you may need to decide if the risk is worth the possible benefits.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I had a similar experience myself once. Grandparents can be the worst! But she is butting in where it is not wanted! But that is ok as long as your fiance is being a man and standing up to her and that you know he is on your side. He is marrying you, not her. Sometimes grandparents can have good advice because they have been around forever. But it should not sway by any means the thoughts and decisions of a grown man. If he doesn't put his foot down, you must! Or in the long run grandma will know that she can do that whenever she wants. In other words, (you train people how to treat you) Good Luck.

Answer 5

ok first of all it's none of his grandmothers business about your argument and she should have never given her two cents in it. STAND YOUR GROUND. If you dont want to go and I can see why then DON'T. because if you're already having problems with his grandmother think of how it will be like IF you move out of state. dont go if someone is pressuring you.

Answer 6

Hmmmph...

You got a real problem there girl. Frankly I would tell granny to shove it up her butt myself, but I am old enough to do it.

My daughter was engaged to a guy. I went out to visit his family. The one person I had any respect for there said "You can talk to my husband about hunting or God". Great, just freaking great. She turned out to be a good person though.

Another one turned to me and said "You are her dad?". I replied "Yes", and he proceded to inform me they were living in sin. I proceded to tell him he was an azzhole. His grandfather, a fat, bloated, toddling bastard told me about the same thing.

I left.

Needless to say, the engagement fell through.

You stick to your guns girl. And tell granny where to stick it.

-Dio

Answer 7

you want to marry this guy, but not move out of state with him?? if you can marry him, then why cant you trust him, and if seems like you want diffrent things, maybe you should rethink the marriage

Answer 8

Just remind him of the good times there... and tell his grandmother to just stay out of it

it's your life not her's

Answer 9

you have to follow your heart. move with your bf. this is a new relationship, you shouldn't let baggage from a old relationship guide you in this one. as for grandma, annoy her. it's not her place to judge.

Answer 10

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