2006-07-30 04:58:21 · 18 answers · asked by Maggi 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
100 navy guys go out to sea in a submarine. when they come back, there's 50 couples.
eh, you said it didn't have to be good. . .
2006-07-30 05:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by crazy_airforce_guy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a town. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!”
(no offense meant to blondes)
2006-07-30 14:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by fairyqueen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ten things Only Women Understand ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow - HUHNULLNULL
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN.
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2006-07-30 12:06:58 · answer #3 · answered by Valyo . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"
2006-08-02 17:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90s
1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He
emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but
you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if
it contains Echinacea.
7. You check your blow-dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.
8. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her
a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
9. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.
10. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the
bottom of the screen.
11. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now
sells for half the price you paid.
12. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to
make a purchase is foreign to you.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out
of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do
not have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20. You turn off your Modem and get this awful feeling, as if you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on
your way back to bed.
23.You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
24. You're reading this.
2006-07-30 12:26:12 · answer #5 · answered by jussmessin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person loned his neighbour a pot,when the neighbour returns it he gives a small pot with it and says the pot had a baby the person happily takes both pots.The next day the person again loned his neighbour a pot, when he returned the neighbour told the person that his pot died.the person angrilly said that how can a pot die. The neighbour replies that if a pot can have a baby why can't it die.
2006-08-04 01:55:07 · answer #6 · answered by hussain a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really like blond jokes, but I like this one.
Q: What do you call a blond wearing a brunette wig?
A: Artificial Intelligence
:)
2006-08-04 15:51:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I,ve got a dirty joke for you....A white horse fell in the mud:)
2006-07-30 12:28:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.....
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2006-07-30 12:21:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A drunk American person was driving Ferrari and hears on the radio "here is London FM" and he said ??????? speed what could it do
2006-07-30 12:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋