My husband and I will have his kids for 2 weeks in August. My husband and I are spiritual, but don't believe in organized religion, so we don't go to any church. The kids (ages 8, 12 and 15) go to a Protestant church with their mother. She's insisting the kids go to church while here. My husband asked the kids what they wanted on the phone last night and the two older ones said they really don't want to go, the younger one simply said "Mommy makes us go". Should we fight her on the issue and not take the kids to chuch, or make them go?
2006-07-30 03:53:30 · 26 answers · asked by Charon 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Don't make them go. Obviously, if the kids don't want to go and say that their mother "makes" them go, then they aren't into it. It is pointless for them to go to church if they see it as a chore that doesn't need to be done. They should be allowed to decide for themselves, no matter what their mother says.
2006-07-30 04:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there any way to find a compromise?
While the kids are in your home, it's your rules.... BUT you obviously want to respect the mother's wishes. To a point, however.
If you don't regularly attend any churches in your area, perhaps go for a Sunday picnic instead. Read and discuss a Bible story together or maybe find some sort of teachable thing there (ie. something about loving your neighbour, treating the Earth with respect and care, etc, etc). You might end up having some really positive dialogue with the kids about Creation and God and living right. Their mom might really appreciate your efforts to encourage their spiritual side - esp since they will likely get WAY more out of this kind of family activity than going to sit in the pews at a random church surrounded by total strangers...
Just my two cents. Hope that you can find some peaceful middle ground here :)
2006-07-30 11:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by Gryphon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you all go. I only say this because the kids will manipulate each side if allow to. It doesn't matter if it's over church or staying up later or whatever. The ex and your husband don't have to agree on why the kids should go or even what church is best, it's just good to have a united front so that the kids realize who is still in charge. Going will send the message that even though the family is separated and there are two sets of rules, they are still a family. This was a vitally important message my parents sent to us when they split up. Good luck.
2006-07-30 10:59:25 · answer #3 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
although respecting the mother's wishes would be the ideal situation, unless there is some stipulation in the divorce decree, i would say that there is no reason to go to church if you don't normally go. i am sure that in the decree the father gets the kids for reasonable visitation which is usually 2-week in summer, every other holiday, and every other weekend. since you are not 'churchy' ppl that should have no bearing on whether the father gets his visitation. i would venture to say that the ex-wife is just trying to push her weight around (probably like she did in the marriage) and i would just set the boundary with her that even though it is her concern that the kids are well taken care of, it is not her concern whether you and your husband go to church. and that it will not hurt the kids in the least not to go to church for those two weeks. this may cause an argument but it will be worth the battle to set limitations on what she can tell you to do when you have the kids.
hope this all works out for you,
lily
2006-07-30 11:06:13 · answer #4 · answered by lily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you should honor the mother's wishes. If you are spiritual anyway, you would get the opportunity to share an experience with the kids and impress on them the importance of religion in their life. Plus, you don't want to create a barrier for the mom once the kids return home... you don't want them to say well, Daddy didn't make us go. When the kids get old enough to move out on their own, then they can decide for themselves if they want to attend church. For now, be a good role model and work with the Mom, I think everyone will win in the long run.
2006-07-30 10:59:42 · answer #5 · answered by ???? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple days off from church isnt a bad thing....the father does have coustody during that time and it is up to him....the mother is right for taking the kids to church though....the children must obey the paren that they are with at the time....and yes this is between the mother and father to decide.....this sounds more like a power debate between the mother and father and the children are being dragged through it....this should be discussed in private without the children...playing favorites is wrong....
2006-07-30 11:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 2 oldest don't want to go and the youngest knows it's a "mommy must". Radical compromise, let the kids pick a church to attend and put non-protestant and non-christian churches on the option list. You will have taken them to a place of worship satisfying the mother and they will have gained invaluable experience of what other people believe, something they probably don't get with mother.
2006-07-30 11:04:49 · answer #7 · answered by St N 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does Mommy want a particular church? If not, pick one you know about that would be a positive experience in whatever vein
your husband aspires. Some congregations have great activities for kids other than formal services.
2006-07-30 11:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by johnnyt39 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It works better if your two households keep your own rules. It keeps things orderly and keeps the kids from being the rope in the tug-of-war. It starts a slippery slope when one parent is allowed to dictate the rules in the other's house... where would it stop? So, if you're not church-goers and the children aren't asking to be taken, then don't go. Just be prepared to deal with hostility from the mother.
2006-07-30 11:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by lotsayorks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has custody for those 2 weeks.
Screw her.
Or tell her you will take them to a church and drive by one.
The kids will all tell her what it looked like. Don't mention you didn't actually go in.
Oh, and have fun with the kids.
Reading these answers, I wonder how many of these people are not just supporting their own agendas. "get kids in church! Scrub those brains!" How many would answer the same way if you had been asked to take them to a satanic ritual?
2006-07-30 10:57:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋