Before my current job, I managed Papa John's and made peanuts. Now I'm offshore for months at a time and hardly ever see me small kids. Making a good living for my family now but feel guilty that I'm never home. Does this make me a bad father?
2006-07-30 03:50:46 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hey you got to have a job, thats for sure. You can always find a different job that lets you be closer to home and family. I am a single father of 2 children. I do double duty here. I gave up over $300 a month in wages for another job that allowed me to maintain a better balance between work and family. Money isnt everything but time can be. It all depends on what you consider to be most important. I am very proud of the fact that I have been raising my sons very well without any help from their mother or any other "women" out there.
2006-07-30 04:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by ally_oop_64 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You are not a bad father for working so much. Remember, it's quality not quantity of time you spend with your family. Considering how you are fretting over the issue, I assume your family is constantly on your mind and I also assume you speak to them regularly when you are way from home.
Just make sure that even though you are not physically there as often as you'd like to be, you are still able to be involved as much as you'd like via phone, computer video communication and being really "present" when you ARE physically there.
In addition, I think not being there so much can actually make you a better parent if you allow it to. The way I see it, if you are in the trenches (so to speak) you will be more inclined to get caught up in the emotions of the chaos that children can cause, so you have the opportunity to be more level headed about your responses in dealing with disciplinary actions that are needed. You can be more thoughtful of your guidance of creating great adults of your children. You can take your time to teach them rather than just control them.
Best of luck to you and your family!
2006-07-30 11:06:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! You are working to bring home the money. The children probably do not understand that right now, but one day they will. Just make sure when you are at home and do have the chance, you show them that does LOVE and CARE for them. Spend every moment with them. One thing mistake alot parents make (that work away from home for long periods of time) is: buy them things and spoil them that way. What children really want (even though they don't know how to show it yet) is to spend time with Dad/Mom and be LOVED. Spend the time you can with them!
2006-07-30 11:04:25 · answer #3 · answered by Bethany B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on the impact it's having on the kids. maybe they are glad you're not around to ruin their lives or maybe they are suffering from your absence. a good father needs to be there and a bad father should stay away.
IMO, now that I've lived a while, a good living will never replace a good, loving relationship - even if the money is low. better to have love and joy than lots of money!
2006-07-30 11:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it does not. You feel guilty about not having time fro your kids but at least you are giving them a good life. My father wasn't around much when I was small. He was a marine and in deseert storm. But we new he loved us. Just because we didn't see hime doesn't mean he wasn't there with his heart. What you can do is make speacial cards and send them to each child you have at leaste three times a week if you can to let them know that you wish you were there and that you love them dearly.
2006-07-30 11:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by gin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not your making a good life for them by working a good job. As long as the time you do spend with them is special and they know why you gone so much and that you love them you a good father. Just wanting to be with thm more makes you a great father.
2006-07-30 12:24:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but you should find various ways to keep in face to face contact with them, including video phone, taped messages, pictures, send them little funny letters with drawings (surely someone you work with has some ability to draw if you do not! Ask for their help!). Maybe you could keep a box of craft items with you when you are off shore and make them little cards and things to send while you are away (Crayons and markers and pencils are not just for little kids!). Even purchasing little dollar store things before you leave and taking them with you to send one at a time. Sure it is difficult to be away for so long, but you have to be creative and find ways to keep in touch and you have to MAKE the time to do it. Later, they will remember all the cute and funny things you sent them when you were gone, pictures, drawings, found items, etc., and will KNOW you were thinking of them. THAT is most important to a child who does not have a 24/7 dad. If you have guilt it is because you are not actively participating in any way that you are able. In your situation you have to make yourself available to them by other means. Get creative and see the difference (they may even send you created things in return!). You can even get magazine style books on how to do simple crafts even a "meat handed" man can do. It is inexpensive and fun and the results are lasting, even if the item isn't.
My husband works 12 hour shifts over nite only 1/2 hr away and STILL calls every night to talk to each of us and say good night and we see him all the time. He is a good father. My dad lived 20 minutes away and never even called. THAT is a bad father.
2006-07-30 11:02:40 · answer #7 · answered by 0000000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sure as hell doesnt make you a bad father.. You are supporting your family....My son see his dad for a week and a half every 2 months bc of his job... but he supports us and my son understands that... dont be so hard on yourself, just call the kids all the time and when you go home spend as much time as possible with them
2006-07-30 10:58:05 · answer #8 · answered by Meriah C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it makes you a good father. My 68 year old father confided in me that men don't really get to enjoy their children because they are working so much and he felt that way about my sister and I. It's just our society that women raise the kids and men are the breadwinners. What would make you a bad father is if you didn't try and make a good living for them. When you are with them, make every moment count. Give them lots of hugs and kisses, listen to them when they want to talk, play their favorite game with them. They will know you love them.
2006-07-30 10:56:10 · answer #9 · answered by lildebbieswtcake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with wanting to provide a better life for your family. It's too bad you couldn't find something with better hours but just take advantage of the time that you do get to spend with them. If you can, send your family emails, call them or even write them letters and encourage them to do the same. That way you can keep in touch while you're gone.
2006-07-30 13:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋