My husband and I are both in our mid 20's, both college grads, with well paying jobs. We're homeowners, and adopted a puppy a 1yr ago, to take a tiny step towards the ultimate reasponsiblity of having a child. We have been together for 9 years and married 1. Everything is going very well, and we have adjusted to married life quite nicely. I, for some reason, have this overwhelming desire to have a baby now. My husband, however wants to wait a year. He tells me that he is not ready for the resposiblity of a child, he could not even begin to picture himself as a father at this time, and that a child would mess up our lives right now. Although he told me this in pure honesty, I was kind of hurt by this comment. I wonder if his opinion can change that drastically in a year? He has never been around small children, and has no idea what to expect. I don't think he understands the love that they bring to your life. I want him to want a baby, but would never force him to . Any comments?
2006-07-30 01:51:34 · 6 answers · asked by star 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
One thing you have to keep in mind is Fathers don't bond like Mothers do to babies. We carry them around for 9-10 months so we become very close to them. Men don't have that kind of bond.
If your husband is positive that he is not ready then don't push it on him. If you have any friends that have little kids then maybe you and your husband should have a day out with them so you can get the feel of having kids around.
2006-07-30 03:30:46 · answer #1 · answered by tigergirl301 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!! if i didnt know any better i'd think your are talking about my husband.
we've been married for 10 years in November. When we were your age, our mid 20's, i too was ready to start our family and my husband was not either. We had discussions, and feelings were hurt. .
Now we are in our early 30's and he is ready and willing..
I think maybe what your husband is saying is that he'd like to enjoy adulthood and and his new bride before he adds any deviations to the equation.
what i mean is that when children come into the picture, you will no longer have time to offer him the undivided attention he is used to getting for all these years.
give it some time. you'll see, when you two get a little older and the people you socialize with begin their families, he too will be more ready.
be patient and enjoy your new married life. you may never get to do the things you do now when the family comes along. good luck
2006-07-30 02:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Storm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband said the same thing to me. But after continued talk he agreed to "stop not trying" as long as I don't go overboard with it, (temp taking etc..) then he was fine with it. But seven months later we found out that I have a problem down there so we had to make up our minds. We decided to try for real this time. I catch him checking out babies all the time now!
2006-07-30 02:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for starters, from what my husband has told me, he had fears about becoming a dad when l was pregant with our first child.(he is a wonderful dad)When she was born he said he didn't think that , that kind of love existed.(l know mushy).secondly, when is the right time to have a baby, there is never really going to be a right time, something thing is always going to come up. Talk to him openly on how you feel, talk to him about your yearning, you never know he might surprise you. good luck with it all.
2006-07-30 02:09:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is afraid of how having a baby is going to change your relationship. I think the best thing to do is to keep talking about your feelings about it while acknowledging his and the right time will come he is just scarred.
2006-07-30 02:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by Clyde P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men never really change their ideas abt this particular issue..maybe he is one of them..
kids r not everything u know.
and if he is not then he'll tell u the moment he feels he wants one.
the best thing is not to bring up that discussion every now and then.
2006-07-30 01:59:46 · answer #6 · answered by still breathing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋