Need HELP! Trying to keep father and daughter relationship from falling apart?

Question

I have 2 daughters. I have custody of my 14yr daughter. She have been with me my most of her life. She now wants to go live with her mother. I am just falling apart about it. I love my daughter so much. It appears that she wants to go to her mothers because she can do what she wants. Her 16yr old sister can do really what she wants at her mother's house. Her mother is more like a friend to her than a mother. I am father first, than more like a friend. She is a wonderful daughter (honor role, but I have to keep up on her). She seems to rebel against me. I tried so much to improve on our relationship. But it appears that no matter what I try it doesnt help. I feel the best thing for her is to stay with me. I think she feels like she is missing out with her mother because her mother really doesnt give her much attention. I do the opposite and my daughter seems like she doesnt want my attention. I am lost and looking for help. Not afraid to ask for help when it comes to my daughter

Answer 1

You know I hated my dad when I was that age. He was always bugging me, kept up on me about my homework, wanted to know what boys I was hanging out with and it just got annoying. So I moved out when I was 15, on my own, got a job and actually got married. (yes I was stupid but bear with me) I in my mind knew what I wanted but at that time I didn't have enough years behind me to make those sort of decisions.
We said a lot of horrible things to eachother during those times. He didn't even show up to my wedding, and I just blew that off....but I was seriously hurt and didn't realize it till later.
I needed my own space and I didn't know how to ask for it and he didn't know how to let go. So it seemed like we had completely fallen apart as a father daughter relationship.
My dad and I are great friends now, I don't live near him but we do talk a lot and any time we spend together seems like that time we lost when I left. Now after all this I appreciate what my dad stood for and admire him for trying to handle a crazed teenage girl.
She sees a greener pasture being with her mom. She sees someone who is going to let her get away with murder and not reprimand her when she is slacking. Of course to any teenager that sounds like nirvana, the key is trying to let her grow up without making her feel like she has you looming over her.
Try to set up more time to spend with her mom so she feels included, but she does need to stay with you. You are providing her with balance and self-control that she is going to need later on. By letting them run rampant her mom is doing nothing more than showing her that she doesn't need to be responsible and that is going to lead to some serious problems later.....
So if everything does crumble on you remember you are her dad and she will realize that later on down the road. She may say she doesn't like you but in her heart she does love you more than anything.

Answer 2

first let me say all this is normal your daughter has went through so many changes in the last 2 years you brought up the point that here mom really hasn't`t been their for her she wants her mom to give her attention and she wants the freedom her older sister has this is a tricky time because she doesn`t really know what she wants give her more time with mom then talk to her about what she did their. do not act like a cop or an angry father when you do. let her know you love her and if she did something you don`t approve of ex plane why you think she shouldn't`t have done it don`t yell at her in time she will see that it`s better were she is now the key is to support her and make sure she knows you love her

Answer 3

Hmmmmm ..... i lived with my mom for 13 years of my life until she passed away. from the time of being born all the way up to the age of 13. i'm 17 now and i live with my dad. i think mothers are always going to be more of a friend than the father is. i wish i had a dad like you though. other than being a good dad, i think you should give your daughter a little more freedom. let her go out, let her spend some time with her friends, let some of her friends come over for a sleep over. when you're together do the simple things like rent some movies (let her pick of course) and watch them together and order some pizza .... sometimes you may want to joke around with her.... . My dad is cool and everything, he jokes around with me, but he's never serious. he's never home. he works night shifts and sleeps during the day. if he's not here he's at his gf's. i can do pretty much whatever i want ... but sometimes i want attention from my dad. i think you need to balance it out. give her space and give her attention. other than that sometimes you cant change what a girl wants or what's in her heart.

Answer 4

Its human nature to crave what we don't have. She doesn't want your attention because she already knows she has it. Instead of being a black and white (go or stay) meet half way consider letting her stay vacations, weekends and summers with her mom. Then after a year you both evaluate the situation and you make the best decision for your daughter with your motive not being selfish but what is best for her. You as the adult should make the decision even if it makes you unpopular with her. You loving her does not give you the right to withhold her from her mother or sister. Life is about teaching our children tools for the future and allowing them to learn as they go along. She sounds grounded and if so she will come to the right choices in time after exposure.

Answer 5

well,i cant exactly undertsand what you going through but i guess theres nothing much you can do about it....you'll lose her even further if you hold her back or force her so i guess just let het go and m sure she'll realise what she gave up on sooner or later in life?

have a chat with her on this,have her confide in you.dont be a big scary father kind,be friends,its very imp and m sure she'll know where you come from?

Answer 6

at that age she dont know what she wants and making her stay there will not bring you close so i say let her go to moms and she can figure it out for herself and then if she dont like it tell her she can come home if she stays once she see for herself maybe she find out it not as great as she thinks it is and will come back to you

Answer 7

It's hard i am having the similar problem with my daughter, I've put this question on my watch list.