what to do ? i have been engaged for 5 years?

Question

i have lived with this guy for 2 years been engaged for 5 years we have a 15 month old daughter and he doesnt want to get married . then whats the point of being engaged ????????

Answer 1

Have you tried to discuss this with him? My fiancee didnt want to get married again when we first got together (after not seeing ech other in 10 yrs) and he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but had no desire to get married. He asked me 1 question "would I spend my life with his even if we wernt married, would I still love the same, its only a paper and a ring after all not our feelings" I told him that I did want to get married one day I told him it just means something to us women we dont wanna die with the same last name we were born with lol. But I understood how he felt and yes I would still want to spend my life with him even if we didnt get married!! I love him to much not to! But guess what we are getting married November 19th!! But when we first started planning we called a merger!! LOL I say talk to him tell him to be honest with you. But if you love him unconditionly you have to find a way to be with him and not be married to him! Keep your head up things MIGHT change! They did for me! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 2

I agree with you. I don't believe in long engagements actually. I think waiting any longer then a year and a half to 2 years at the absolute most is just rediculous. Why get engaged so soon if you aren't ready to marry? I have a few friends in a similar situation. I got married when I was 19. I'm 21 now and been married just over a year. Once I got married, 3 of my friends decided to get engaged too. I dont know if it had anything to do with my marriage, but it was right around the same time. Anyways, over a year later now and none have set a date yet. Whenever I ask they say they aren't ready to get married or havent decided how they want the wedding or can't afford it for another few years. Well then why did you get engaged? I would be asking your fiance that question. Why did he propose if he doesn't want to get married. 5 years is a long time. If he says he never wants to marry or wont give you a straight up answer then I would consider moving on. I know you may love him and have a child with him, but enough is enough. If he's changed him mind on marriage, then there is something wrong there. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, there is nothing wrong with living with someone for so long, being engaged to someone for so long, OR having a child with someone.

Second, I agree with you that there is no point to being engaged without the possibility of marriage - the whole point of being engaged is to get married.

Have you talked to him about this? I mean extensively? I would sit down with him and explain to him all the reasons why you want to be married, and ask him to explain to you all the reasons why he doesn't. Maybe he's hesitating because of some silly reason that is easily fixed. Maybe he doesn't realize that by not getting married he's actually hurting your feelings. I wonder if he ever wanted to get married (like when you first got engaged) or if he always wanted to stop at the engagement.

Either way, after you talk to him if he is really not going to budge on this I think it's time for some really tough decisions. In a case like this I know it's really difficult - when one person wants marriage and the other doesn't it's not exactly easy to compromise. All the same, if this situation is really hurting you, you might have to eventually move on. It's a choice between moving on and possibly finding someone who wants the same things as you, versus staying together and possibly never being married. I know that things are more complicated because you have a child together but you also have to realize that if you are really unhappy here it's not going to be ideal for your child to grow up in that environment. Or maybe you'll decide in the end that he is worth not getting married...it's a decision that really only you can make. Good luck!

Answer 4

I dated a guy from Senior year of high school, through the 4 years of college (long distance relationship) and four years after college graduation (9 years). We lived together for the last two years of our relationship. I was bothered that he wouldn't propose. I flirted with the idea of breaking up and moving away, far away, but I just didn't have the guts.

I finally gave this guy an ultimateum that he would have three weeks to propose, and if he didn't, I was going to send in my "intent to vacate the apartment" and make my plans to move to a completely new place, half way across the country near where my parents reside. My bf never proposed, so I stuck to my word.

I went through a year of loneliness in my new home, wondering if I had done the right thing. It took a while to get over my x-bf. I finally signed up with E-Harmony and I met my future husband within a month.

We are married now, and I couldn't be happier. Being married to a person that WANTS to be married to you is simply happiness. Plus, I swear, I could not had found a better match for myself had I tried to find him on my own. E-Harmony really is an excellent resource. My husband and I are matched to the Tee! It's amazing how well the program works...believe me.

I got help from God because I prayed nightly. I asked Him to help me change and to prepare me for a healthy and happy marriage. I believe that God granted me this wonderful gift, my marriage with this wonderful man. And, God continues to help me be the best wife that I can be, because I ask for the help daily... I thank God all the time for His love and patience with my husband and me.

As for everything in life, we (humans) have very LITTLE control. We need to hand our lives over to Christ so that He can take total control and lead us where we need to go. Don't worry yourself, because that might interfer with His work. Let God do His thing, and have nothing but faith and trust. Yes, God, will give you trials and challenges. That is a given. He does this to make us stronger, and that's a good thing. Just accept Christ into your life, and sit back to watch things transform for the better. I hope that God's plan for you and your child is a kind and forgiving plan.

Answer 5

Since HE is perfectly happy with things just the way they are (and why shouldn't he be? all the benefits of having a wife without actually being a husband!) then why should he change? It is YOU who must be proactive here. Set a time limit -- after Day X, it's time to either go down to the courthouse and get hitched OR it's time to get seperate places to live and start seeing other people.

In short, the only "bargaining chip" you have is leaving him. If you're not prepared to do that, then maybe you will have to just accept things the way they are until you ARE prepared. If you can work it, use this time when you have his support and his help with child care to build a career or further you education toward the goal of putting yourself in a position to leave him. You might have to.

Answer 6

knock knock knock hello.... what were you thinking having a child with someone that would be engaged to you for 3 years and not do anything about it?

He pretty much has answered your question... HE doesnt want to get married. IF marriage is important to you ... then you have to move on. IF you are happy with just living together and having babies together then stay. He's not gonna marry you... so figure out what you want.

Answer 7

there is no point in being engaged,if however you are waiting for this,and getting married is what you really want maybe you need to decide if this guy is who you really need to be with..i lived with someone for 5 years we also were engaged,however i did not want to get married,just him,the reason why i never did marry him was because even though i loved him i did not love him enough for a lifetime commitment...you need to find out whats holding your guy back,we all know there is people we date then ones we marry...good luck i hope you find th answers you need....

Answer 8

yes, whats really the point? I would say better confront him and tell him what you really want. coz ur just like prolonging the agony . whats the use of the long engagement and in the end you already know that he dont want to get married at all but still you pursue for it..you are the one who is greatly affected. better work on your own. I know you can take care of your daughter and live your own life without him.

Answer 9

My husband and that i dated for 5 years previously we were given engaged. He wasn't waiting to make a dedication and that i wasn't keen to attend any further. Our relationship develop into at a stand nonetheless. I broke up with him. He proposed 3 days later. Then I were given pregnant with our daughter. We did not choose to hurry a wedding ceremony merely because i develop into pregnant (2 wrongs do no longer make a properly) so we postponed the marriage until eventually our daughter develop into previous adequate to be in the marriage...5 years later. So my husband and that i have been mutually 10 years previously we were given married. we've been maried for 9 years. (19 years entire) lengthy engagements can artwork yet both human beings ought to be keen to attend and the condition of the engagement also performs a component. in case your waiting and he's not then tell him you've were given to bypass. If he nonetheless would not choose to get married quickly...then he wasn't the only for you. you do not choose a compelled marriage. i recognize that it will be very confusing to leave. countless time and ability and historic past invested yet you could't wait on him perpetually. sturdy success!

Answer 10

I was in the same postions as you are in. From my experience I left him. Whats the point on being engaged so long, living together, having children together, and not going through with it all they way and becoming HUSBAND AND WIFE! As soon as I left him a week later he was with someone else and then a month after that he found out he had cancer and he passed away 6 months after that.

Answer 11

Sweetie, you know the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" This is why he isn't going to marry you. He lives with you, has sex with you, has a child with you, he has everything that a married man has except the papers, and why would he go get married when he is drinking your milk for free, I know ,because i have been there and done that. What I did, and it worked for me, was I gave my man and ultimatum either he marry me or lose me for good, but i didn't just say it, I MEANT IT!!!!! EVERY WORD OF IT!!!!. and as far as being engaged that is what I call a shut you up. I got that same ring "to shut me up" but when i saw that he wasn't going anywhere with it,( just like you are seeing from your man) i decided that if I wasn't worthy of marring then he wasn't worthy of me. GOOD LUCK SWEETHEART