How come after two years of dating, everything is a fight?

Question

Please don't say honeymoon is over...

Answer 1

I have been in the same relationship for 13 years and I'm still in love with him. After two years the power struggle begins because you both realize you are in it for the long haul. You both begin to draw your lines in the sand, what you will put up with and what you can live with. Just remember to pick your battles. You can't change everything about your partner. In fact, if you did, they wouldn't be the person you fell in love with. Remember the reasons you fell in love with that person, and don't try to change those things (example: free spirited, party animal, etc...). Stick to the things you want to change, and pick your battles, otherwise you just become a nag in their eyes. You must trust above all and have tolerance and patience. As long as your heart is in it, stop the fighting and hold your tongue for the important issues. But stand your ground on the important issues! Because if you don't that's how your heart can fall out of love. Good luck, if you can make it through this section of the relationship, it only gets sweeter.

Answer 2

I take it you guys are not yet married, so I won't start about honeymoon :)

But it's a fact that during in the early stages love is often about physical attraction and having a good time together. You're just excited to be together and nobody feels like a fight.

Later on, it is important to keep things fresh and to make sure you can still surprise each other. Maybe if you realise it, you guys can put some new energy into your relation. Of course it has to come from both sides. If that doesn't work out, maybe your personalities just don't fit. In that case, it may be better to split up.

Answer 3

Well, you've been spending a lot of time with one person for quite some time now. You've got to remember that EVERY relationship ship has fights and you know what, usually they have a lot of fights. If you really love this person you can work it out through the fighting you've got to try and let the little things go and talk about things more. When you spend a lot of time with someone you tend to dwell on the small things because you've run out of things, or they start adding up. But don't worry if you really care about him it will work, you just need to work on it. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. There is no person you can be with forever that you're not going to fight on a fairly regular basis so be happy :) good luck

Answer 4

Ok.
don't give up. #1.

we fight for a few reasons...
#2 WE REALLY CARE

OK???

we REALLY CARE.

DON'T FORGET THAT !!!!!!!!!!!

but we're showing it in the wrong ways.
How do we get OUR needs met? compatibility shmatibility. Honeymoon infatuation smatuation. None of that stuff is relevant- just pop psychology stuff.

We fight because of our feelings. What causes our feelings? OUR NEEDS. We all have the same needs- to be heard, understood, appreciated, loved.. you name it.
you two obviously CARE ENOUGH to keep trying.

So what you are both lacking is tools.
And you're both angry.

How do you love a little bit more unconditionally? How much would you be willing to do if you could recover everything you originally wanted with this wonderful person you are so upset with for not meeting your needs and letting you down? What do you think HE would do???
Counseling CAN REALLY HELP but it isn't always necessary AT ALL nor required, if you two can just STOP for just a bit and LEARN how to truly listen to the other person's heart.

You care about each other. That is obvious, or you'd have left. Hold on to that and ignore the jaded people on the internet- pretend they are not real- they've just failed or choosen people they couldn't succeed at this yet, and that hasn't happened for you yet (you don't know if you can or not yet with they guy you love).

If you really want to change it, finding out how to meet each other in the middle and STILL BE FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY... but how do you do that? Just talk about feelings- not what "makes you" feel, just THE actual feelings. Then talk about the needs as you figure it out.
NOW you're getting intimate.

If you need nore help, send me an email and I'll send you some info. I didn't succeed with my ex, and I wanted to marry her. She had a horrible childhood and life, but not everyone is like her. We fought CONSTANTLY. Why? because I loved her, and I wanted MY needs met too. But my requests always came out sounding to her like demands... and like I was judging her and criticising her when all I wanted was to be CLOSE.

I get a sense I am not the only person right now who feels this way- DON'T GIVE UP LOVING EACH OTHER!!!!!

-If you can find a way to connect and just GET that message across... Let him know you care very, very deeply and it's hurting and you don't need him to stop, but you need to figure out what his needs are that you are failing to meet and you want him to know yours. And that you want to meet his needs out of wanting to make his life more wonderful, rather than anger and sullen resentment or guilt and obligation -just like he'd want the same from you.
then you have to MEAN it.

You gotta do it on some level without conditions- then if you don't or can't, you know what you were not willing to do.

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD is a great place to start- the tapes/Cd's will save this. He is an incredible human being and works for international relations and mediation. It all applies, even to these kinds of situations.

Once again, I've been there, with my want-to-be fiance, 2 years, and we fought.. but GOD I love her (not on speaking terms, that is how bad I failed and didn't understand how to use these tools).

Good luck and BIG hug to you BOTH-it CAN be done. IT CAN!!!!!!

Answer 5

Because two years is a long time and you've obviously lost the ability to communicate with each other. You both need to think about if you still want to be in this relationship, and why. Then either try some therapy or go your seperate ways.

Answer 6

You are probably taking eachother for granted.

The most important thing in a relationship is
communication. (Yea, okay, sex is a form of
communication, too.) You need to address
this before it gets out of hand.

See a marriage counselor, before you get
married. It's better to work these things out
sooner than later.

If worst comes to worst, you split. Who wants
to fight for the rest of your life. What does that
do for your self-esteem?

Good luck. See a therapist.

Answer 7

lol. okay i know how that goes. the reason you guys are fighting alot is hard to say. i dont know what you guys fight about so i cant help you with that. but i know that my boyfriend and i fight often and weve been dating for about two years now. i think its becuase you have been together and you are just finding out eachothers flaws (insecurity/dishonesty/paranoia) and what not. just try and resolve the problem as fast as you can. ignoring and hanging up on them doesnt help :o ).

Answer 8

Sorry but it is, you are no longer in the infatuation stage of the relationships so now your true compatibility is coming out. Happens to the best of us. Thats why you never marry anyone you haven't been with for a few years.

Answer 9

thats the life evrey thing in begning is so good and then it becam worth and worth
exam: when u born u was angel then making mestakes then alot mesatkes then u becam bad girl
* go and bye clothes first u will be so carful with it then after 1 month i will pring it to u from under ur bed
ha hah thats life hone

Answer 10

Honeymoon is is over!?!..look sister..in my opinion it hasnt even started!!!..hey..i think you two are not in love in the first place..maybe you think you are but believe me you are not...jeez..only tw years and you guys fight?!!!