what is the best way of telling a man no to his engagement question?

Answer 1

"Honey, I know it is last minute, but i want to become a man!"
nuff said

Answer 2

The best way is to be open, honest, caring and tactful.

Why don't you want to marry him? How long have you been dating him? Are there issues which you feel make you incompatible? Is there another man who also has your interest? Are there "warning lights" flashing in your head when you are around him? Do you just have that deep feeling in your gut that this relationship will not work out? Would you consider marrying him if he got a better job? Would you consider marrying him if he dated you another 6 months to a year? (These questions are not meant to be answered openly - only to yourself).

Once you truly know and understand the reasons why you do not want to marry him. Let him know in an easy, non-threatening way.

You might start by saying "I realize how hard and difficult it might have been for you to come up with the courage to propose to me and the fact that you really would want to marry me means a lot to me. Unfortunately, I have to turn you down but I owe you the reasons why I do not see this working. ..."

Try to state your issues gently and non-threateningly. If you are only putting off the engagement until later, just let him know that you need to date him longer before you can say yes or no. If you have no intention of marrying him, wrap it up by letting him know how you feel the future would end up if you did get married (i.e. I really feel that this lack of compatibility would lead to an unpleasant and costly divorce which I don't want either of us to go through").

It might be nice to give him a nice greeting card or something letting him know how much you appreciate him and how sorry you are that things did not work out. Then wish him all the best.

With that, I wish you good luck and all the best!

Answer 3

Why are you turning him down?
How on earth have you got to this stage?
If I think a relationship is getting serious and I've found out enough about him (or myself) to realise that this is not something I feel able commit to, then I end it, gently and with gratitude for the opportunity...
I do realise though that life isn't always that simple and nobody likes having their love thrown back in their face - but you can probably soften this a little by saying how deeply moved you were by his proposal, but you had felt for some time now that (as much as you love the guy) the relationship was not right for you - and leave it at that.
Whatever you do though, don't duck this by telling him you're not ready- he'll hang on in the background filled with false hope like a neglected puppy dog.

Answer 4

Interesting question. In college I met a gorgeous Persian/American young lady who I must have proposed to 20 times. It became a kind a running joke. Thing is, I was serious. O well. I remember one time she said that she was "too busy". I could have laughed if I wasn't crying for the last time I didn't know what to do. I don't have a brother, so she wasn't sleeping with him. She ran off to another country upon graduation and I think, judging by the content of a letter I received from her, that she may have realized the love she gave up. Life is what life is. It's all in how you define "is" ;)

Answer 5

I told my ex (it wasn't a formal purposal, so I had the right to say what I said).

but, I told him that I appreciate that thought, but I want what I know I deserve. If going to be with me, have to get to know me. He realized how much he didn't knkow me and I realized how much he didn't know me. We broke up later on due to his unfaithfulness and lying cuz he was a loser after all. Warning signs I ignored in begin.

I think it all depends on the matter of the situation and purposal. If not ready for that level, I think should kinly decline by giving praise and appreciation (thanking for working hard and thinking of this), but not ready for this level and would like to give it more time.

If don't love that person and rather not be with them, decline with this isn't the right time.

If with a group of people makes it harder. I knew a girl who said yes around others but later that month she broke it off. That saved him the embaressment. I think in that case, that could be the best thing.

However, need to say no if not really serious. It is wrong to agree to something when truly it isn't what you feel.

Answer 6

If he hasnt already asked then tell him quick it isnt working out. If you are simply not ready to be married but still want to be with him, tell him that you arent ready for this big of a commitment. If he asks you and you still havent answered say something like "Im really sorry. Things with you have been sooo great. Something here isnt right though. It wasnt anything you did, its just that somethings arent meant to be. I hope you understand" Hopefully he WILL understand and I am sorry that things didnt work out. Thats a bummer.

Answer 7

I think you need to be really honest. I think it takes a LOT of gumption on the part of a guy to pop the question and they deserve no less than perfect honesty.

Be respectful and sincere in your response, i.e., you're not ready, you are having doubts about the relationship, etc.

I also think it's important to show your appreciation for the effort it took to ask that all-important question too.

Good luck.

Answer 8

It depends on the reason for your refusal...

If you love him and hope to marry someday, but feel now is not the right time, then say so and explain why.

If you realize that he is not someone you can commit to, then tell him that, along with the reason why you've stayed with him long enough for him to want to propose.

The main point is to be honest and respectful. Put yourself in his shoes -- have you ever been rejected before? Be an adult about it and be sensitive to his feelings.

Answer 9

Tell him you are not ready for a commitment. Rather be honest with him. No good giving him hope if there is none. Tell him you would like to remain friends, but cannot offer more than that. He either takes it or leaves it.

Answer 10

It's not me it's you.
I'm not ready for commitment.
ha ha ha you're so funny, stop joking
there's something I have to tell you, I'm a MAN.
sure, and we can have 10 babies.
I believe marriage is an institution created to imprison women and take away our freedom.
We could, but I'd have to kill you.
you're a dork, get away from me?

They are all more less equaly painfull,
good luck.

Answer 11

"In your dreams. Wait ... wait ... maybe if you beg a little more."

Ultimately, you need to ask yourself why you aren't interested in his
engagement and tell him that.

Are you dating him? Lets assume you are. What makes him date
material but not marriage material. Express your concerns.

Make it about issues - not about something intrinsic to him.

If you don't think he would be a good father and you want to have
children, although its painful, that's the truth and then he'll know.

Would you want somebody to lie to you if the rolls were reversed?