Any stay at home mom's sick of defending themselves to others?

Question

I stay at home with my 22 month old son, and my mother in law has a problem with it. She is constantly telling me that my son isn't socialized enough and that he needs to be in day care. I do not judge others who have their kids in day care...I worked in one for years. That is the main reason why I do not send him to one. I know some people do not have the choice (including my sister) but why do I get slammed for the decision I have made? I have always wanted to be a mom. I am so sick of defending myself to my mother in law. She just does not get it. My mother stayed home with us kids but she worked and my husband went to day care. I can not tell you the number of times people give me strange looks when I tell them I stay home. Like they feel sorry for me or something. Like I am not liberated and I am barefoot and pregnant at home. I chose to have this lifestyle and feel privileged to be able to be there for my son 24/7. Anyone else with this problem? How do you deal with it?

I want to make it clear that I am not against parents putting their kids in day care. No hateful responces please. Only helpful answers.

Answer 1

Whenever I tell someone that I am a stay at home Mom, I always laud the advantages of it. Yeah....oh I love being able to sleep in untill ten.... I never ever have to do something that I don't want to, I just play with my children all day and we do whatever we want when we want....ect., ect., ect. I have never had someone tell me that I am lazy, and let me tell you, you know that your kids are blessed to have you there with them. Tell anyone that your Hubby treats you like a Queen for letting you stay home. (They don't have to know everything that you do for him in return.) I love staying home with my kids, too. I cannot imagine the chaos that would ensue if I worked. God bless for being your kid's Mom.

Answer 2

I stay at home with my 3 daughters 7, 5 and 2, I am pregnant again. My husband goes to work, he is happy that I stay home. How can I take care of him if im working? I find I am being judged because I stay home but my children are being brought up the way I want, I also love that when my oldest has something going on at school like sports day, I can go see her compeat. So many ppl can make you feel not worth while because you stay home and its not right. My Foster mother said to me that she doesnt know how I stay home and take care of the kids, she went back to work and had a nanny stay at home with her children. I dont think I would be good at anything else so why upset my kids and try. Any way thats my view. good luck with your family. You could also go to a playgroup with your son or to the park if you think there is a problem with socializing. This way you shut your mother in law up and still spend great time with your son.

Answer 3

When my boys were small (now 10 and 11) I stayed at home with them. It was a huge sacrifice financially and for my career, but it was something that we wanted so badly for our children. I knew what they ate, who was with them and I got to see all of the things that are the "firsts" in their lives. I did not hear about it from someone else. I also got looks and comments from other people like I was lazy, pathetic or the stereotypical barefoot and pregnant victim. I turned a deaf ear to it (not easy, I know) but when I had to explain or respond I simply told people that this is the best choice for MY family and how they choose to raise their children is their business. Being a full time parent is like being on call 24 hrs a day with no breaks, sick days, vacation or sometimes even lunch breaks. It was the hardest job I ever had and I do not regret it for even one moment. We are a close family and I believe that is in part to raising our children the way we have chosen. Some people cannot have this as an option and I am sure they are also wonderful parents. It just has to be right for you.

Answer 4

I totally get what you are saying I worked in a daycare for about 5 months and I wouldn't send my child to daycare...I personally liked working there but seeing the other people that worked there and how they were with the kids sometimes I would always be to worried if I put my child in daycare...I know some people don't have any other choice and maybe they found a nice, good center for their children..hopefully so. I personally love being a stay at home mother and couldn't imagine not being with my daughter everyday...As far as mother-n-law goes...I totally feel ya...I have the most annoying, butt-n-ski mother-n-law of all time and I currently have to live with her so just think things could always be worse...Just try to ignore her!! Good Luck.

Answer 5

My family has put me through the same thing. For years I have listened to them tell me to put my kids in daycare and get a job. 1) My husband didn't want me to go back to work. We both felt it was important that one parent be here all the time.
2) My husband makes enough money so I can stay home.
3) Considering I was never able to get to college, by the time I would get a job, my entire check would go to paying for daycare. So what's the point when it comes down to it?
I think it's great in this day and age that moms can still be at home with their kids if they choose to.
I have four older kids 10, 8,6, 5. And I have a new baby who is 5 months old.
After awhile I basically told everyone to butt out it was none of their business how we parent our children.

Answer 6

When I had my first child, I went back to work. It was very hard because my mother in-law watched my daughter when I wanted to be the one raising her full time. When I became pregnant with my son, I quit working because at the time my mother in-law went back to work and we needed to save money for our new baby. What an adjustment. She was raising my daughter one way and I wanted her raised another. Lots of tempers flaired because I wouldn't put them into day care. I now have three kids and I enjoy spending as much time as possible with them. When people ask me if I work, I tell them 24/7. I am a stay at home mom and love every minute of it. My children have a social life with the neighbors kids and their cousins. My mother in-law caused so much conflict over this that she had some of our friends and family stop talking to us. We just said oh well and went the other way. She was even so mad that we had a third child, she stopped talking to us. My 3rd child is two and she has never seen him.It's sad when in-laws try to control you. Just remember this, they did a study and found that if a stay at home mom was paid, she would make over $130,000. Don't pay no mind to the people who stare you down because you stay at home with your child. They are probably just jealous because they can't.

Answer 7

People will always have something to say. Expect it esp. from your mother in law. My MIL also did the same thing to me until I finally told my husband to tell his mother to shut up since her comments are not helping. Don't feel guilty about staying home as a mom. Parenting is the hardest job on earth. Anyone "slams" you with the decision you made - tell them to leave you alone since you know what's best for you and your son. A son who's barely 2 years old isn't old enough to "socialize" as your MIL says he is. Be strong.

Answer 8

I personally work in childcare (Pre-K) and KNOW that when I do get pregnant I will not send my child to child care - I will stay home, like you.

Here is what I would say (since I thought about it):
"I know he needs to be social, that is why we spend time outside of the house. Thanks for your advise, I will think of Preschool when the time comes. For now, I am enjoying time with Billy."

Since I am a Pre-K teacher - can I give you a bit of advise: I see children that are at home until the day before Kindergarten and they do struggle - so just keep in mind that some sort of "schooling" is important for children to experience that sort of group atmosphere (Co-ops, Play groups, Part-time, etc.) - BUT I am also assuming you know all this already.

Mother's are mother's and they always think what they did is best - and will try to push it on you. Be thankful, but do your own thing - it will keep the peace and get her off your back for a day.

Enjoy your time! I hope I was helpful :-)

Answer 9

Tell your MIL to butt out. There is nothing wrong with a mother staying home to take care of her children. I am a stay at home mom also. I did have a nanny job where I could take my son with me, but recently quit due to having a high risk pregnancy, but I don't care what other people think. My son was almost 3 months early and there was NO WAY I was going to put him in day care. I take him to playgroups and mother's groups so he still gets interaction with other children and he is learning sharing and other social skills.

Answer 10

I am in the same position with my 27 month old. I also have a hard time dealing with it, but you have to tell yourself that you should be happy you have the opportunity to stay at home with your child. Everyone says that your child grows up fast! You'll look back on this and realize that this was your choice...and a great one! Your life is not over because you want to stay home! I've working in child care too, for many years, and I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to stay home (even though I have crazy moments too!!) You are not alone in this what-so-ever!!!

Answer 11

There is only one reason your mother in law does this to you.

She feels guilty as hell that she was a horrible mother to her son and you are a good mother. She can deal with this by embracing, celebrating, and relishing that her grandchild has a happy life or she can be an immature, shallow ***** and try to spread the deprivation she inflicted on her son to her grandson's life.

i am strongly opposed to day care because it is very very very very harmful to children and decades of research demonstrate this. you don't want it for your kid because you've worked in one - for goodness sakes, you of all people can judge.

Please do not feel the need to prove yourself to the stupid and the ignorant whose opinions you do not value.

Be clear on that. You do not agree with your mother in law. Why discuss it at all with her? Stop.

If you can't, just tell her that the NICHD research is quite clear that day care is very harmful to children - especially their social skills, for god's sake - don't listen to the ignorant!!!!!! - and that you are so amazed and grateful that she did such a great job with your husband but that you just don't have what she's got and can't do it all. That to do your very best for your child, you need to be there.

If that doesn't do it, then the next time she starts in, tell her that you need to make sure your son is properly socialized and that includes removing him from the prescence of people so rude as to put down a child's mother. And leave. Even your own house.

Or, flip a quarter at her and tell her to call someone who cares about her mean-spirited and utterly idiotic and unsupported by science opinion.