Were important! When I asked he denied and said i was crazy! I am checking his cell phone, bank statements, i try to get on his online banking how far is too far! I keep thinking I am going to find something out,Im convinced that he will lie to me if i ask! ( This is not the first time he has lied) I feel like this is stessing me out and making me someone im not! and i feel like i am going crazy!
2006-07-29 16:58:19 · 32 answers · asked by this is me... 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I was married to a guy like that, and for some reason, he would lie about stupid things. Nothing ever turned out to be that he was hiding anything big.
Here's the problem though. He has broken your trust, and it's understandable that you now feel the need to "catch" him in a lie. He's proven to you that he DOES lie...then, he tells you that you are crazy for questioning him. This is the typical moves of a manipulator, and he's putting his dishonesty off on you, making it your fault, and you're accepting it. Now, the only way you feel that you can save yourself is by busting him. But, the thing is, he will still lie!
Honey, it's a never ending circle. You're going to drive yourself nuts trying to catch him up in a lie. Think about what you will do IF you catch him. Will it make any difference? Will it stop the lying? Will he turn it on you again?
Decide what you are and are not willing to accept in your relationship, then tell him, and stick to it. It sounds like you need some counseling before it gets too far out of hand. Tell him what you want, and if he won't go for help, then go on your own, find your own strength, and get help with making decisions on what you inevitably want to do about this.
I don't think your marriage is in that deep of a hole that you can't fix it. Hang in there, and be strong. Believe in YOU, and be true to yourself, and you'll get through this.
:0)
2006-07-29 17:07:26 · answer #1 · answered by Amy N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down, dear, and look at this situation objectively. Maybe he did lie about something simple. People tell little white lies all the time, and usually there is a reason. Some folks lie because they're afraid the truth might be upsetting. I don't know the circumstances involved, but if he is a good person and treats you with love and kindness otherwise, I wouldn't go off the deep end based on one little lie. Nor is it accurate to assume that he lies about other things. Cut him some slack. Don't be going through all his stuff, trying to catch him in a lie. That can backfire on you. A good marriage is based on mutual trust. Unless you have good reason to believe that he is keeping something important from you, or that he's up to no good, I'd quit playing detective. Is it going to make you happier if you did find out something bad? Give him the benefit of a doubt for now, and time will tell whether or not lying is a pattern of his. If so, then you have reason not to trust him. You say it was just a simple thing, so let it go. It's not worth getting so stressed over, at least at this point. Good luck!
2006-07-29 17:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know you're being ridiculous I suspect which is the reason for you posting this.
Maybe there is a perfectly rational explanation as to why your husband lied to you. Perhaps he thinks you will jump to the wrong conclusions? Perhaps he thinks your reaction might not be reasonable?
Whatever, you need to stop what you're doing now and talk to your husband. The only way you can start trusting him is to get everything out in the open. You have to give him no reason to lie to you. All this paranoia is not good for either of you.
2006-07-29 17:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by Bapboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would assume that since you are very concerned about his "white" lies that you have never done the same. And with the evidence of what you are doing now due to this, I see that the trust in your marriage is faltering. I can speak from personal experience that I too have lied to my fiance. But it was at a cost of trying to handle my personal issues on my own. In the end it was better to share the weight of them with her. Your actions come at a cost as well..my fiance did the same thing you did and that caused me to form a barrier of resentment. You think to yourself if someone lies to me..they will do the same thing over and over again...so are you actions going to continue just the same and are you telling him honey I am researching your everymove.. if not then whom is "lying" to whom. In the end I would suggest marriage counseling if you two intend to make it work.
2006-07-29 17:14:37 · answer #4 · answered by Not Important 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to stability this situation out between the way you sense suitable now and how it ought to influence the long term relationship. you are able to desire to take a seat down with him and tell him the way you sense and ask him to reassure you that he's not being deceitful in the marriage and loyalty experience. If he works stressful and helps you all nicely, then he desires a ruin. this is in basic terms that the ruin ought to be controlled and interior the finished expertise. He could perhaps be to blame of a few thing untoward right here, or he won't be. you need to locate that out and mediate some contract with him of whilst and the place he spends entertainment time removed from you. and as nicely he needs to spend as plenty time as he can with you and the relatives. yet to be undemanding, an common 'poker' habit ought to be very undesirable information, financially, as nicely.
2016-10-08 11:46:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do this all of the time.
I find out my boyfriend lied to me about something really stupid and trivial, and i get super paranoid and think "well if he has to lie to me about something small, he HAS to be lying to me about something really important"
Trust me, you will torture yourself if you keep doing this. You married him for a reason, and he married you for a reason.
I've noticed that when I get paranoid like this me and myboyfriend fight over everything, and it's nobodies fault but my own.
You should talk to him about how little white lies make you nervous, and ask him to just be honest with you about everything, even if you do get mad because he admitted to accidentally putting a dent in your car when his baseball went off track :)
2006-07-29 17:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I've never been married myself, but I've seen this type of behavior before in other marriages though. There is a good chance that your intuition is correct, but I would not recommend confronting him without some solid evidence. One thing is for sure, sooner or later the lies will catch up with him.
2006-07-29 17:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Mojo Rising 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like a simple lie if you are checking bank statements and such. Maybe you are just being paranoid. That's no way to live, eventually if he is lying you will find out.
2006-07-29 17:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by Jen G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it probably takes more than one simple lie for you to think that he's lying to you about other things. of course you would be feeling crazy because whatever it was that he lied to you about and in the past isn't so simple to you. you are trying to figure what's going on, but coming up with no answer. you need to make sure that it's not your paranoia that makes you feel that he is lying to you. if you know for sure, you may need to set boundaries with him, so that the behaviour doesn't happen again and again.
2006-07-29 17:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by gurrrly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to trust someone after they have lied and yes if he is going to lie over something simple he's sure to tell the big lies too. but checking every thing personal on him is not going to help you any i learned that curiosity kills the cat. i found out the more i snooped the more i got hurt and depressed.
2006-07-29 17:08:00 · answer #10 · answered by tabbycat02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋