How do you let go?????

Question

My husband was murdered almost 11 years ago, and I was a witness to it. I have gone to counselors, and talked until I'm green. I know it's not healthy for me to hold on, but I just can't seem to let go, I feel like it would be a betrayal to him or something, not to mention that I just still totally miss him. The only time in my life that I was ever completely happy was when he was alive and we were together. How do I let go? I also have so much hatred towards his killers, I know that is not healthy too, but again, I just can't seem to let it go. I know I am supposed to forgive, but how do you forgive something like that? When he was killed, I had a daughter that was 9 months old, and he was not her biological father, but he was her DAD, and I was 2 weeks pregnant with our daughter, his only child. He was not only taken from me, but from them as well, and I hate his killers for that, do you know how hard it is to try to comfort your child when she cries because she will never see DAD?

Anyway, I know this is kind of long and complex, but any serious suggestions would be appreciated. If anyone else has gone through something similar I would love to hear from you.

Answer 1

Aw, that is truly sad it brings tears to my eyes! But as hard as it is and as lonely and heart broken as you are. God had his plan for your husband and you will see him soon enough. With two young daughters yes that probably will make it hard and to set a god example when you yourself are as depressed as your girls. Talking about it to a Therapist, Psychologist or Psychiatrist can be helpful maybe if you have regular sessions and for grief or join in some activities. You also might feel better by talking to another loved one and coming closer to God and your husband which are surrounding you right at this moment! Good luck to you and your girls!

Answer 2

I am sorry for your loss. I have not lost anyone to murder, but I recently lost my only sister and I know how devastating the death of a loved one can be. I can only imagine what you are going through especially since you have children. Are you a Christian? The only thing I can suggest is to let go and let God. Your husband's killers will reap their just rewards especially in the next life. I'm sorry I don't have the magical answer, but give this some thought.

Answer 3

Its going to be hard but I suggest you go see the people responsible for the murder of your husband. Closure. You need closure on this, 11 years is too long. I think your husband, if he were alive, would want you to move on, be happy and not feel guilty about being happy because mourning for so long is not celebrating the love you had for one another. And you're daughter deserves a happier mother. If you are granted access to the people responsible for his death - prepare for the worst. Bring pictures of the growth of your daughter from being a baby to current pictures and show them what they took away. Tell them your hate, your anger and whatever it is you wanted to tell them all these years. Then after that - move on. Your husband wants you to be happy and you might be making him unhappy if you're like this here. Good luck, God bless you.

Answer 4

i can feel your pain. some 22 years ago i was a fine healty 30 year old man `and 4 oclock am i went to work you see i didn't get back home untill some time in 1986 late that year you see 10:30 that morning i was in a bad wreck with a 18 wheeler i broke the man arie going to my heart punture lungs hip &pevis was crush kidney stop all the ribs broken on left side lost 3 ribs lost splen dia. for kidney 6 months icu 16 months tube down my throat all that time 16 months later i die so u see tihs is part of my story so i been in a wheelchir for all that time now so u see you have to give it up think about it happen ok but i know your heart must be hurting but think about it your heart feel like that because you arent listening to it yes their is alot of pain but god is trying to tell you to let today i'am very happy very indepdent drive myself so you see their is somebody always wrost than you so listen to your heart beside think about the kids if you crack up think about it

Answer 5

my aunt was killed by a man i knew as my uncle my whole life. and my father was killed by a man i had heard of but never even meet. by someone telling you to just move on with you life is easier said than done. you have been through a lot. i was told i needed to forgive in order to move on with my life. you can forgive someone but can't forget. you moving on with your life is in no way, form, or fashion betraying your husband, i think he would much rather see you happy and healthy, so you could be a good support system like you already are for your children

god bless you

Answer 6

WOW, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET HIM GO, YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ALL ABOUT HIM- HOW TO DO THE THINGS HE TAUGHT YOU(FISHING, CAMPING,BOWLING, ETC), WATCH HIS FAVORITE MOVIES WITH THEM, EAT HIS FAVORITE FOODS WITH THEM, TELL THEM HOW PROUD HE'D BE OF THEM BECAUSE YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART HE WOULD BE. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MISS HIM EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU CHOOSE, THAT'S NOT UNHEALTHY--THAT'S LOVE!!! YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN'T KNOW HER LIFE AS ANYOTHER WAY THAN WHAT YOU'VE PORTRAYED TO HER SO IT'S NOT THE EXACT SAME AS YOUR LOSS, IT IS A TERRIBLE LOSS THOUGH. WOULD HE WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY? YOU KEEP SOMEONE ALIVE BY TELLING THEIR STORY AND BY HOLDING THEIR MEMORY DEAR. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

Hard as it is to do-you must start with forgiveness. You may need to pray for God to help you do this. the forgiveness aids you and helps you to move on.