I'm going through a really hard time with a family situation. My uncle was just diagnosed with lung cancer, and he's in possibly the worst shape anyone with the disease could be in. Obviously, this was all due to smoking. He has max. 8 weeks to live. Now, this is hard enough for me, and thinking about what my aunt is dealing with is even harder. They're only 61, and he's about to leave her for the rest of her life. The last memories she'll ever have of him are in pain and suffering. So that's the background info for my question. See, my b/f's a smoker and right now its really hard for me to deal with this. I've told him how I feel and it's really important to me for him to quit or at least cut back and not smoke around me. Since I only see him on weekends, I dont see what could be so hard for him to do either. I just dont want to be where my Aunt is. Weve been together for about 2 years. I really love him and we plan on marriage. BUT he wont be respectful of my situation. What do I do?
2006-07-29 15:13:48 · 20 answers · asked by Just Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
try to be patient with your b/f. He has AN ADDICTION. try to go with him to nicotine anonymous meetings. they do exist. buy the patches. they do work.... if he doesn't wan to stop, and you don't want SECOND=HAND SMOKE illnesses, you have a decision to make about YOUR FUTURE. good luck
2006-07-29 15:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide whether his smoking is a "deal breaker". Is this something you can live with or not? If not, tell him so. If he wants it to work, he'll quit.
Also, this- as you said- is an issue of respect. If the lack of respect is beginning BEFORE the marriage, how do you think it will be after?? He has to understand that this is a BIG issue with you. He needs to be sympathetic to your feelings. And, you need to respect the fact (FACT) that smoking is one of the most difficult addictions to break. Give him some time and just let him know that this is something he really needs to work on if he wants to be with you.
2006-07-29 15:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by Starry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend met me as a smoker. He hates people that smoke he hates being around and all that. He has never told me what to do but he did say "When you smoke your breath stinks bad. The reason I never kiss you is because you smell so bad i dont want to be around you let alone kiss you. So just know if your going to choose to smoke I will not kiss you." That hurt me really bad. Then I thought does smoking really mean so much to me that i would rather do that and stink then let my love kiss me? I had smoked for 15yrs and i finally just decided with his subliminal help its just not worth it. I have not smoked in exactly 6 months. Yeah!! Now that worked for me but it was a hard fight. I smoked because it was something for me that I liked to do. So for you to want him to quit is like taking his best friend away from him. If he is not ready he will not quit no matter what you want. It does not mean he doesnt love you, it just means he is weak minded when it comes to that. Dont take it personal and if it bothers you that much then dont marry him. Sorry
2006-07-29 15:26:12 · answer #3 · answered by carmen c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
smoking is an addiction and it he wont stop until he is ready. you knew he was a smoker when you met him and its up to you to accept him and his bad habits as is. trying to change someone is next to impossible unless they want to be changed.
You need to ask yourself if your better off with him or without him. second hand smoke can be more harmful then actually smoking.
Sorry about your Uncle and the best thing you can do for your aunt is to just be there for her.
the best to you all
2006-07-29 15:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by eaglerock60 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew this about him going in, and now you expect him to change just like that? Sure, it's a health issue and it would benefit him too, but it's his choice. It's extremely addictive and it takes a strong commitment to get out. You can't force him into it.
And don't worry. You could go first. Second hand smoke kills too.
2006-07-29 15:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are trying to change his bad habit, I think it is different than trying to change him (they all hate that). If he doesn't respect you enough to at least try than he might not be the person you are hoping for. His second hand smoke is very bad for your health as well. Talk to him and if he doesn't want to try get rid of him.
2006-07-29 15:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by VOLLEYBALLY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With your boyfriend, My first suggestion would be to take him to see your uncle and let him see what smoking would do to him if he keeps at it. If he truly loves you, he'll grow some balls and take the time to respect other people, especially one to whom he obviously means so much.
2006-07-29 15:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by kiatzu_shutendo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough situation depends on how serious u are about not gettin placed in ur aunts situation if ur 100% serious u will say quit smokin or cutback or ill leave u n if he doesnt do other then u would leave him as hard as it would be...but if ur love for him is stronger then ur seriousness abou him quitting then ull stay 2gether no matter what...but neways best of luck
2006-07-29 15:19:11 · answer #8 · answered by RJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I quit smoking five months ago. It is extremely hard to do. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you but you can't make him quit. It has to be something he wants to for himself and no one else. good luck to you both and i am sorry about your uncle.
2006-07-29 15:19:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, but remember that smoking is an addiction, not easy to leave, try to help him not order him to quit, maybe he will quit with time and Understanding.
2006-07-29 15:17:47 · answer #10 · answered by pay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋