HEY GUYS, SORRY if this is TOO HEAVY, but, ADVICE and OPINIONS very WELCOME?

Question

ok, this is something thats been haunting me for years and i find telling you all is theraputic....................

ok, 7 yrs ago i was sexually assaulted by a so called friend at a party. i had a bit too much too drink and went to sleep in a spare room. i woke up to find this so called 'friend' on top of me. as you could imagine i went beserk. called the cops, went to hospital, went to court, but, because HIS friends evidence was incossistent, he was found 'not guilty'.

even tho it was a long time ago, i don't think i have come to terms with it properly. thats why i have a 'hate all men' attitude. although i was offered counselling, i don't believe in strangers making you better. ironic i know considering what i'm asking, but your annonymous and not face to face, judging me like, umm, hmmm, riiight........patronising me.

guess what i'm saying is, without counselling, do you think i can overcome my 'dislike' of men and learn to trust more?

thanks everyone!

Answer 1

I"ve never been there so I'm probably not the one to answer but...even if you were drunk there was "no" excuse for what he did...... "ever"!!!!! It sounds like you're still wrestling with it in your mind and can't let it go even though it's been a long time! I think that maybe since nothing happened to him , you might be thinking that it was parcially your fault or maybe that it was even your fault! In my mind no matter what condition you were in , he had "no" right to obuse you!I think you do need to talk to somebody that you can "trust" about it, and there's that word "trust' again! There are "good" men out there Jan, someone that would be willing to "love" you , and you have to give them a chance! If you feel that you're not "strong" enough to let the past go by yourself, then talk to someone so you can find out whats keeping you from going on with your life! I almost feel it has to do with something about the way you "feel" about you! Am I right? The biggest thing that I want you to know is "No" it wasn't "your" fault , no matter what happened "he" took advantage of you! If you're taking the blame and feel "quilty" STOP, cause in my opion that's the only thing that is going to set you free! If there's other issues that you haven't mentioned, you do need someone,a friend , a councelor, if you're religious, someone from a church, But "yes" get help and "take" your life back! Just a friend !Take care

Answer 2

I'm sorry about what happened. Sometimes justice is blinded by legal bs. You have a right to be angry but use it in the proper way maybe that's what your missing you probably have alot of energy and have no idea what to do with it. Ever consider donating your time to a rape crisis center or maybe some type of charity? You have an important choice right now. Pick the right path and the way you feel will fix it's self. Good luck I mean that.

Answer 3

This is a very terrible, tragic and traumatic experience you had years ago and it's no wonder that you can't trust men after this. Someway and somehow you have to go back to that little girl you were so long ago and let go of this as it's really affecting your life and your relationships with people. There are some good men out there with good family values that are trustworthy and honest. You will somehow have to learn to let go of this horrible past so you can learn to trust and love again. I hope I helped in someway because I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Answer 4

I think therapy would help a great deal. We are not all that different from each other; we are all unique individuals, but really, we're all human. Therapists know how we think, and how we react. It would help, and I think you actually already know that. It is a matter of finding a good fit with a person, just like anything else, if you had a physician you did not "click" with, you would change doctors. Same thing; just find the right person, and I would guess that would be a woman.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear what happened to you...

This is just coming from my experience and I'm not saying no one needs counseling for issues, but most of the time, counseling is just crap.

My wife was sexually assaulted when she was younger and she never went through counseling. I didn't know these things happened to her until about three years into our dating. For me, I love her no matter what, and I knew that leading up to her telling me her past. What you need is a loving man that will love you no matter what and care for you NOW... not your past.

What has happened, has happened and can't be changed no matter what happens. You need to let go and move on and find a person that loves you for you...

Good luck...

Answer 6

No offense but your hate men attitude has nothing to do with your attempted rape. Girls like you aren't allowed in my social circles.

This is a matter of choice. You can either choose to see men as they really are and act appropriately based on their specific traits or you can CHOOSE to ignore individual men's personalities and traits and instead indulge in some crazy fantasy about them being bad. The other side of the coin is you ignore when a man shows you bad qualities and instead indulge in a crazy idealized fantasy about them. That's how you ended up with that guy on top of you.

Simply paying attention and not being a jackass will quickly solve this problem for you.

Answer 7

Do you think that if counseling didn't work that it would still be in practice today?!

You seem to want the best of both worlds. You can't have an anonymous person help you get through your problems. Go to counseling. It's not "just for crazy people". It will help. They know what they are doing.

Answer 8

I think therapy works for a lot of people. I'm not one of them. I think you have a pretty good handle on what the problem is, I think you just need to get past punishing 'all men' for it. I think everything comes from within. It's been 7 years though, have things gotten any better or are you just as angry now as you were when it happened? If you're just as upset, you might need help. I wouldn't go as far as professional though unless you knew you couldn't get through it on your own. Do you talk to close girlfriends about it? They usually know you better than you know yourself, I'd go with thier opinions...

Answer 9

I think you need to go to therapy. It doesn't "fix" you, but it helps you get things straight in your own head through verbalising it and thinking it through in a guided fashion.

I was raped 11 years ago, and it took me a very long time (about 5 years) to admit I needed help and to get counselling. I spent two years going to therapy before I felt like I finally had things straightened out in my head. It's a long term commitment, not a short term quick fix, but it is well worth it.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Someone will come along that will be willing to work thru this problem with you. I think eventually a guy will be the inspiration for you to get right so you can have a healthy relationship. I wish you luck.