I want to know if I have a problem?

Question

See, my mother died 4 months ago and I really miss her since I am only 16 and graduating from high school this year! I only cry when no one is around and I am completely alone. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? She passed away from cancer and I think about her every day and My father thinks that I am okay, but really I dont know if I am okay. What should I do? And if you are not going to take this seriously then you can go to hell because I just cried my eyes out an hour ago! If you think that I am lying about my mothers death, then dont answer this question because I am telling the truth, I would never lie about something like my only mother dying. Please HELP ME!!!!

Answer 1

My brother died when he was 26. My own mother has cancer right now. I cry my eyes out and I'm 36. I don't like to cry in front of people either. It makes me feel uncomfortable because they want to cheer you up or try to give you some answers (what the hell does anybody know- but they mean well) and right now, you just want to feel what you feel-
I think that when my boyfriend trys to cheer me up he is just interfering with my thoughts. I have specific memories that I want to take time for myself to remember... you may need to do the same thing... If you can, write down these memories. It would be great for you to keep remembering her.
You are ok. You NEED your time to sort things out. It's going to be rough for you for a while. I keep thinking about what I'm going to miss about my mom.
You are a very lucky person to have loved your mom so much and know that she loves you. Because that love never goes away. It never fades. My brother died in '98 and I still think about him everyday. It's in everything you do, you will remember the way she taught you to do it. You will remember how she did things. Everytime you remember your mom, she is with you.
I do know exactly what you are going through. And you are ok with how you are dealing with it.
I hope I helped. I realize I was rambling...

Answer 2

I don't think you have a problem just yet, you are still grieving over the loss of your mother, but if you do feel you are having a problem, talk to your father, or someone you know will listen to you. Sometimes just someone to talk to will do you some good, and it doesn't have to be a shrink, a good friend, or Friends are much cheaper, and more personal. And thought it hard to not have your mother around, and you are in NO way alone, it just seems like it, your mother is with you always. This is going to sound so strange, but when I feel like no one cares, or will listen, I talk, (most people think I am talking to myself, when in fact I am talking to my angel), and I for one believe that everyone has an angel, I truly believe that your mother is yours. So talk, and if you ever doubt that she is not there, it may take a while but you will know the answer, and just where that answer came from. I hope this helps

Answer 3

What you are going through is normal. My mom died when I was a senior in high school - in 1968. There are still times something will bring back the sadness and lonliness of missing her.
I've done a good bit of research on grief, and while the general public only gives you a few days to weeks to "get over it" - in reality grieving a close loved one can take up to two years to work your way through. I don't believe you ever "get over it" - how could you when your entire reality has changed. You're going into a time of lots of changes, when having your mom nearby, to talk to would be so helpful.
Give yourself time to work through your loss. Talking to someone
who knows how to help with grief could be a big help. Do you go
to a church or synagog? Maybe the clergy person would help, or direct you to a support group. If you live in a larger city, one of the hospitals might even have one specifically for teens. If there is a hospice, that would be another good place to look.
Being 16, having to search for help probably seems overwhelming, but again, if there is someone you trust (maybe a teacher) that you can be open with then maybe they can help you in your search.
You don't mention your dad - if he is around, then he too is going through his own grief and may not be able to be very helpful to yours.
In time, you will come to have a normalcy return to your life. It won't be the some as when your mom was alive, but you will settle into a routine.
Think about doing something as a memorial to your mom. If you live somewhere where you could plant a tree, maybe plant some flower bulbs. Draw a picture, write a poem. No one else has to know what you've done - just doing something tangible may help you.
Give yourself time, if you're a believer, God is there is listen to you, and He will provide help through these times as well.
I wish I could reach through this computer to give you a hug - remember people do care about you, and in general people don't know how to help. I wish you strength and peace in the months to come.

Answer 4

No you do not have a problem, you are very normal and there isn't anything wrong with you. Losing a parent at any age is traumatic but as a teen, surely its horribly difficult. Everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. You shouldn't feel that you have to cry when nobody is around, you are human and have feelings and emotions. Talk to your Dad or a sibling if you have any. Although you may not see it, surely your other family members are grieving as well. Four months isn't a long time. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you are feeling better soon. Don't keep it all inside for too much longer, its not healthy. Good luck to you

Answer 5

first of all, my deepest sympathies for the lost of your mom. I know how it feels. I have lost my mother almost 2 years ago(Nov. 13) and, it was unexpected.
At the wake and at the funeral, I did not cry. I talked to my friends and said 'Hi' to some people I have not seen in years, all that came out to see my mom. And, for those who sent me lovely cards and well wishes because they just could not make it.
After it was all said and done, I went to a room, shut the door, and cried. I wanted to be left alone. Did not want to talk to anyone, really. There is so many people out there who deal with death in different ways. Does this make you feel like you need help because you cry alone? no. It does not. but, if you could find someone you know would not mind listening (or you not minding talking to) and get this off your chest, do it.
It is funny. My cousin and I are close. I talked to her. but, I really let my feelings be known when I talked to one of my best girlfriends, who still to this day, calls and checks on me.
I feel your pain. but, you know what? She is in Heaven and she wishes she was with you right now. Keep her strong in your heart. And, after almost two years for me, I still shed a tear and cry. I am crying now.

Answer 6

My ex boyfriend's mom died and he went through the same thing. I think you're alright. It's normal to think of her and to cry about it. There's nothing like losing your closest loved one. I"m really sorry for your loss. I'm sure she's in a better place now. Your mother would want you to love her and not to forget her, but eventually, she'd want you to move on with your life. It's okay to cry...psychologists say it can take up to a year to go through the entire grieving process...maybe longer. The bottom line is, you're okay. You'll be okay. Everything will be fine. Again, sorry for your mother's loss.

Answer 7

You have to go through all the phases of grief, hun. And that includes crying, hurting, being angry, feeling numb... and crying some more. 4 months is NOT a long time to get over the passing of a parent.

While you will always miss her, in time, you will be able to think about her without the hurt. You may still cry from time to time, but that's to be expected.

Maybe you could ask your dad to send you for grief counseling to help you through the process. If he can't, your guidance counselor at school may be able to find one for you at little or no cost.

Take care...

Answer 8

You definately need to comfort yourself! You definately need to comfort your Father! You must definately recognise that you are NEVER COMPLETELY ALONE!! It is NOT a weakness to cry about loosing your Mother. It may be lame to cry over spilt milk but in your developement as a young woman, it is especially devastating to loose the help of a loving Mother. No matter what your relationship has been with your Father, it would be ideal for him to be supportive for you & for you to learn to recognise, although an adult, he too may have need of your support. Both of you should recognise a higher power & find the necessary strengths to hold each other through the next series of trials life invariably offers. Your situation is tramatic & anyone with compassion & even minimum graces will understand your cry for help will not go unanswered. You have the opportunity to learn 'the hard way' but at least you should already have learned that it can always get more difficult & you need to count your blessings. The reasons for things may not be as relevent as the actions in response to the events. Please find counselling with your Father through your Guidence Counsellor.at school, church, or even a help-line referal in your community. Lots of us are praying for you too!

Answer 9

I'm very sorry.

I think it would be wierd if you didn't have an emotional problem after your mother dying with you still in your teens.

I think that being strong for your dad is nice. But not a good idea. You've got to tell him what you've been going through. You need to get into therapy to work through your grief. Your feelings are perfectly normal. But you still need to talk to someone.

Answer 10

my father died when i was 6 and sometimes still cry about it.
the hurt of the loss of your mother will be less and less as time goes by but will never completely go away. what helps in cases like that is remembering the good times you had with your mother. it really helps.