Am i being over protective?

Question

I have a 13 year old daughter and she comes home and tells me nightmare stories about her friends? Most of them wanting to lose their virginity by the time they are 14 and want to grow up to be single parents. Stealing, Have boyfriends? I dont allow her to go and socialise with these children outside school you know at the weekends to the cinema or ice skating. Am too worried. There are boys in my area that like my daughter to and are forever knocking on the door for her to see if she is aloud out. Again i dont let her go outside apart from maybe talk to them in the front garden. She says all her friends say that i am too strict and treat her like a baby, but its the summer holidays and I dont know what to do, i dont want to be the horrible mum, I do let her hang around with the nice children. Am i over protective? Am i worrying too much? Can someone please help me.

Answer 1

No, there should be more parents like you. Some of these kids are totally out of control with no supervision. You are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

It's hard, but just keep doing what your doing and it should all be fine. Hopefully (for you) one of her friends will get "messed up" by a situation your daughter wants to get into, and you can them show her it could have been her (I'm thinking of Lea Betts a couple of years ago).
She will rebell, so you need to compromise or she will do these things behind your back anyway. Be there to support her and try and talk to her as a friend, not her mother. try to understand the pier pressure from the people she is hanging around with, the need to conform to there normal, it's very different today to how things were 20-25 years ago.
Accept that she is becoming independent, treat her as an adult and give her some of the responsabilities of an adult, cleaning, cooking, ironing etc. dull stuff that you do without her even noticing. Tell her your fears and concerns and that you are only looking out for her and want the best for her, but you have to let her make some mistakes and help support her afterwards without being judgemental or saying "I told you so".
Good luck. x

Answer 3

The problem these days is that with sex education starting in junior school they all know much more that we, who were educated in single sex schools in the 60's, did. However they no longer are frightened by the possible consequences so carry on as our generation did at the age of 17 - 18. They are still children, although in previous century's 13 year olds did marry and have children, I would think that if your daughter has any respect for your feelings she would not wish to join in these activities anyway. So go down that route and explain that knowing about sex is a recipe for a happy life as much as respect for the people round you.

Answer 4

God your such a lovely mom and its such a pity there are so few like you today, your a rare breed, my mom was just like you and I will always be so grateful for that, when I was your daughters age I didn't think it was nice been over protected and not allowed to do what all the other kids seemed to be doing with their life, I may as well tell you I have no kids, one of the reasons is because I am too damn scared of what goes on today and I so feel for you having to have the worries of the world on your shoulders over your 13 year old daughter, have you sat her down and tried to explain to her how you feel about her safety, have you explained that she is not old enough to be joining in with her friends who think its cool to have sex before they are 14, have they heard of clamidia and cervical cancer, a common cause because of sex at a young age, are there any books you could get for her to read that might shock her into having a bit more savvy about herself, have they done the crying baby thing at her school, you have a doll just like a baby and have to have it 24/7 for a week, maybe you could have a word with the teachers about her class doing it, it might stop her silly friends wanting to be a single mother by the time they are 16, maybe you could let a few of her friends come to your house once a week and have them earn your trust before she is allowed to venture further afield with them, it is so hard for you because she will say you are been too protective of her yet you have to wait a few more years for her to turn round and say she is grateful for your care and protection of her, just try to make her understand she is in your care and its your rules or nothing, bet she would hate having to go into care for been a silly girl who ran wild and did the stupid things her friends think are cool, you know most of those with the mouth and the big words are the ones who are too scarred to do what they say, they just want to look big in front of their mates, does she know its a all talk syndrome that they go through, you just carry on loving and protecting her and been the lovely mom you are and do not beat yourself up about it, she is 13 and has to abide by your rules and if she can't hack that then sorry but no judge or jury is going to allow her to have her way, good luck and I hope she sees sense and realises how good you are to her.

Answer 5

hi, in my opinion keeping her away from these kids as far as you are concerned is a good thing.... her hormones are probably racing round at the moment coz she is at that age... she is more likely to rebell against you when she is abit older. i think you should sit her down and have a general chat with her... let her know your concerns, she is old enough to understand how you feel. just because her friends are wanting to lose their virginity... doesnt mean she does. we all make mistakes in our life.. but we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. sooner or later she is gonna want to be independant and live her own life, if you wrap her up in cotton wool it will be very hard for her to get a grasp of true life. you sound like a lovely person and a great mum and hopefully you have the sort of relationship with your daughter where you can chat about things without there being any uneasiness between you. anyway im sorry if this has sounded blunt, wasnt intentional. good luck.

Answer 6

I don't think you're a horrible or over protective mum, you just want to protect your daughter which is understandable. However, there's a difference between protecting your daughter and wrapping her up in cotton wool, but given that she's only 13 I think it's OK, but just be aware in the future when she gets older that she may rebel against you.
I think communication is the key here. Tell her that you're concerned and love her and that you want the best for her, I know it's easier said than done but just keep on talking to her explaining the reasons for your actions.....Believe me she will thank you when she's older.

Answer 7

As I had those kinds of friends when I was in school, maybe I can tell you what I felt that my parents did wrong.

I'm almost thirty, now, and being a single mother was no picnic. I got pregnant when I was nineteen, and lost my virginity when I was fifteen.

My mother tried to ban me from hanging out with those kids, but I always found a way to do it. In fact, because of the fact that she didn't WANT me to hang out with them, I wanted to hang out with them more.

I felt like she was smothering me, and that she thought that I was too much of a baby to make my own decisions. So, behind her back, I made a lot of WRONG decisions. God knows what I put her through. I feel bad about it to this day, because my parents were very good to us. I had no reason to be unhappy. I guess you could say that I was a bit of a spoiled brat.

When I got pregnant, though, my son's father ran out on us. I was terrified to do it alone, because, all of a sudden, it wasn't about ME, anymore. I had someone else to look after, and I had to take my finances into consideration, for the first time in my life.

... But, after my baby was born, my life was lived for him, and I have wanted to do nothing more than to love and protect him from anything that could hurt him in the long run.

There are kids that I will not let him hang out with, because they have very lenient parents who let them do whatever they please. I am the ruler of my household, but I give my son as many freedoms as I can, so that he doesn't feel like I'm treating him like a baby. I don't want him to view me as some strict prude.

When he gets to be a teenager, though, I know that I am going to have to make some sacrifices to keep him happy. I don't want to, but I think that God made the teenage years so that we COULD break those apron strings.

Your daughter is going to make bad choices. That part is inevitable. The best thing that you can do is give her enough slack so that she can make those mistakes while she is still in your home, under your care, than to let her become an adult and feel that she still has to "get it out of her system".

Answer 8

No your not being over protective it seems you have a good relationship with your daughter for her to be able to come to you and tell you things stress to her the importance of choosing her friends wisely for they will either lead her on a path of good or bad and these so call friends who wants to lose their virginity by the time their 14 are not the sort your daughter should be hanging with. Bad association spoils useful habits

Answer 9

You are always right to be provtective of your daughter. In this day and age I feel like a parent could never be over protective! One thing that I gathered from your question is that your daughter must feel very comfortable talking to you and confiding in you. The fact that she comes to you for answers and isnt being super secretive over what her social group is like shows me that she is already smart enough to not follow thier lead. It sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and I think that if you gave her a little bit more leniency she would prove it to you. You have to let go a little bit, becasue a teenage girl who is not allowed to do anything will eventually break free and do EVERYTHING...!
Just try letting go moderatley...little by little

Answer 10

Don't be too strict or you will push her away. My parents were super strict and I became the best liar in the world to get around their rules. Let her out but give her a time limit. Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever had, good luck!

Answer 11

Here's from a guy's point of view...

NO... Its not being overprotective, Have you heard of the story of a thief, before being hanged, bit off his Mom's ears, because she didn't stopped him from stealing his friend's pencil, when he was a kid...
Well, everyone loves freedom from the parents, but without them, Children are ruined. Your daughter might be having a teen syndrome with her..Well we all passed through that and you know well how successful you are.

All the best