I asked already but none really help me?

Question

I've been dating this guy over the internet and we're engaged and all but lately we've been at each others throats....Wfter we found out that he had to get an operation we've had fights then we were lovey dovey then we get into another fight and lately its been like that and I'm scared cause this boy is my WHOLE world! I really don't wanna lose him he means everything to me! please anyone that has any advice please give it to me!

Answer 1

hey, ducky, you might get your tail feathers plucked by making this guy or anyone else your whole world. noone but jesus should be that high in your thoughts. you seem like you are pretty young. fly to the stars ducky, but watch where you land. lndnns@yahoo.

Answer 2

You are both scared and both stressed about your upcoming marriage. I am guessing your fights are over stupid and petty things but at the time seem like the world. Usually when people fight about stupid things they arent really fighting about the little things its an underlying issue no one wants to deal with. Example, when I get pissed that my husband didnt listen to the directions I gave him and we are lost and we start arguing about he thought he knew a better way and I gave him directions from a map we arent really arguing because he got lost. We argue because I felt like he never listens to me and thinks his ideas are better than mine. Think about what you are arguing about and think about WHY you are arguing about it. Sometimes when you step outside of yourself for a minute you will realize how stupid some arguments can be.

Also, do the two of you live together? Have you really spent quality time with eachother and do you love him or are you in love with the idea of being in love with him? Sometimes you can get so caught up in a net relationship that you lose sight of the fact that you dont really KNOW this person, you just think you do. You never really know a person until you are around each other constantly.

Wedding stress can happen too. Planning a wedding is supposed to be one of the most joyous times of your life but it can reek havoc on your relationhship at the same time.

My advice is to take a step back, look at everything from another point of view. Think about the arguments you have had and what the problem really is. Is is really that he watches too much TV or is it that you feel he doesnt spend enough time with you? See where I am going. Identify the real problem and once you do that you can find a real solution.

Not to mention that any type of medical problem can add strain to the relationship.

Oh and it is OK to argue every now and then and it is OK to have a fight here and there. If it ever gets abusive in any way that is not ok. Everyone you love will make you cry. That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. Just because two people fight doesnt mean they dont love each other and just because they don't doesnt mean they do. They are normal and healthy. If you never know your weaknesses in a relationship how will you ever know your strengths? Fights identify problems and couple who love each other figure out a way to solve them. But I do agree with one thing if you are unhappy now and things dont change (and it will take WORK) you wont be happy later.

Answer 3

I've been married twice. I met my current (2nd) husband on-line. He moved to NC from Chicago to marry me. We talked for hours, and prayed a lot before we decided to marry. We only "knew" each other 6 weeks before the wedding day. I talked to his friends and pastor, so I knew he was okay. It's a great marriage, and I owe that to prayer and God. After many relationships and my 1st marriage, I decided that I'd never marry anyone that's make me cry. If he did once, he'd make me unhappy even more in the future even if there were good times, or how much I loved him. No matter how hard it will be, it may be a good idea to take a good hard look at some "red flags" you are receiving. I'm not saying he's not the one for you, but you need to marry someone who'll be your best friend, and someone you don't fight with. My husband and I have been married a little over 3 years and we certainly have our share of differences and even get mad, but we are able to communicate and talk things out. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree. But the main thing is that we both prayed a lot about getting married, and eventually knew it was right. For someone that loves you, you won't have to hang on tight, or argue. Good luck, hope this helped a little!

Answer 4

I know it's a very hard thing to deal with a lot of fighting in a relationship.
You're in a tough situation and it's going to take hard work to fix the relationship.
First off, strangely most people seem to think fighting is normal. But really, a happy couple does not fight all the time. In fact, most happy couples I know discuss issues fairly calmly.

So now, to defuse the fights:

If you feel yourself getting angry about something, go off and do something where you can think and feel on your own. You in your mind are the only one who can handle your emotions. He can't. Nobody can make you angry. Only you can allow yourself to get angry.

If he starts to get angry, walk away. Tell him you'll talk about it later. There is nothing so critical in a relationship that it has to be resolved immediately.

Okay? So now the fights are being defused, but of course the issues are still there. So a few hours later, when you are both calm, bring up the issue in a together-we-can-do-this way. Solving a problem is knowing what it is and accepting it. When you discuss it, make it a positive thing, that you two can handle together, and that you are willing to do your part on. In order to fix it, you have to find a way to describe it as a joint problem that together you can face. That way, when you two overcome it together you create a "Yes we have issues- so does everybody- we can get through them" pattern. Remember that talking about an issue is not about blame.It is about an "irritant" in your world that together you both can handle and make better. You can't just ignore irritants. They grow and grow and destroy relationships.

So try what I suggested. I wish you two the best. Take care!

Answer 5

The fights are probably due to stress about the operation. You really have to be understanding towards him and what might be going on with him. He's probably scared and stressed out. Try not to add fuel to the fire when he gets angry or argumentative. Just listen to him and don't add your two cents. Be the strength that he needs right now.

Answer 6

Have you met him in person??? If your fighting now, you be fighting when your married, maybe worse. If you met this "boy" online, got engaged online, i would really rethink this...You can be his friend and be there for him thru this operation...

Answer 7

Well, I can only tell you what I do when I rarely get into fight with my love.

When we are in the middle of the argument I sometimes swallow my pride and just tell him what he wants to hear.

I just want him to be happy what ever he believes.

I hope that helped.

Answer 8

on the net. well have you actually met. its so frustrating when yr along way apart and things do get tense because of distance and there is nothing you can do. if you really both care for each other there is nothing to worry about.

Answer 9

heres the thing... everyone has problems!!! ur just going through a rough stage in ur relationship. itll pass. also, if hes a great guy and he actually cares about u hell stay with u and realize how much he loves u. good luck!

Answer 10

There is too much extreme drama in that relationship. Move on.