how to apologize to family members of a death you are guilty of from an auto accident?

Question

The acccident accurred by me as i had been drinking and driving and the man that i hit did not make it and i know his family and they wish to speak with me and i as well with them, but i can not find the words to express my deepest sympathy. help me to find a way other then what comes to heart and will it be offensive if i give them flowers when we meet?

Answer 1

My mother was killed in an automobile accident by someone we knew. Although we knew this person had to be feeling a tremendous amount of guilt (My mother was coming home from church), to hear the simple words "I'm sorry" would have meant alot. We never heard that, in fact, we never heard anything. Their lawyers were advising them not to in case of a lawsuit. Skip the flowers and the big speech, they aren't going to judge the words coming out of your mouth, they are going to judge the emotions coming from your heart. They already understand you have guilt. What they don't understand is how to heal their own hurt. Your apology will help. I also have another suggestion...instead of flowers, donate a few hours a month at your local high school giving speeches on the effects of drunk driving. Do it on your own, don't be ordered to do it. You may not be able to bring back the life you took, but you can prevent another one from being taken. God bless you for having a conscience and wanting to do the right thing. It's the little things in life that mean the most!

Answer 2

Well my friend, you are not in jail, and that says a lot about those people. They must care about you otherwise you'd be in jail in a snap. I wouldn't do the flowers bit cause it would be very offensive in my opinion. Just go and have a normal conversation with them. Do not bring up what happened unless they do first. Then if that happens, tell them exactly how you feel. Be a better person and quit the habit. Go to AA meetings and if you really want them to forgive you, think about doing something like a fund raiser or something like that to raise awareness of the consequences when things like that happen. If you do that, they will really see that you care and that you are truly sorry for what you did. It may not bring their loved one back, but by doing that, this person will always be remembered. You can do it once a year or once every few years, ask them about it and see what they say. Maybe they will join you and might wanna do it every year or so. Good luck!

Answer 3

You said the right thing in your question. Say what does come to heart. You are grieving and it will give them solace to see that you do take responsibilty for the accident.

I personally would not give flowers to them. Flowers may represent the funeral and bring back some memories to them.

If you just can't find the words to say out loud to them, write it down for them.

You will never go wrong whenever you go with your heart.

Answer 4

Tell them how you feel ; that you are sorry for their loss and that you realized your poor judgement cost them the life of their loved one.That you are aware of the pain they go through everyday because of a poor decision to drink and drive.And that you have to live knowing your poor judgement resulted in their innocent loved ones death.And that nothing you say or do can change the result; but you must live with the guilty forever.Ask for their forgiveness , but don't make excuses for what you did..Tell them that you hope someday they will forgive you ..and leave them alone/

Answer 5

No flowers.

Just speak from the Heart..Tell them things about YOUR PAST that led you to become a Drinker. (were you abused? was your dad and alcholic?)

Beg for forgiveness and tell them over and over HOW SORRY you are. Imagine if one day, your daughter or son were to die by the hands of a drunk driver?? They might be angry--but DO NOT get defensive--just LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN and DONT SAY ANTHING IF THEY EXPRESS ANGER. Just show them how sad you are too....Tell them that you WILL TRY TO HELP OTHERS..ALSO, ASK THEM TO TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF PERSON THEIR LOVED ONE WAS.. Your interest in their life will make them feel better.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

flowers won't work. You have to tell them how sorry you are and that you have learned a valuable lesson. Plead for them to accept you apology. You probably have charges against you that will send you to prison. If they forgive you they might be able to help you getting a lesser sentence.

Answer 8

It would be great to give them flowers. Just let your true feelings show. Tell them how sorry you are. That's all I can say about that. It's up to you to let them know how you feel, not us on Answers. About you, I hope that you learn to forgive yourself. Accidents happen, that's why they're called accidents.

Answer 9

i don't think any words will make them feel better. the only thing that you could do that might make them better is by your actions. stop drinking and start talking to teenagers about the dangers of drinking and driving. if you get charged with the accident, plead guilty to it.

Answer 10

No flowers. No rehersed speech. Meet them and beg forgiveness, and I mean BEG! And go to alcoholics anonymous because you have a terrible, deadly, drinking problem!!!