I love a man who is 15 years older than me... but am I too young for a baby?

Question

I am 25, he is 40. We've never felt our age created any obstacles in our relationship of over a year... we love each other deeply, and find each other irreplaceable. I feel it in my soul that there could not be anyone else who could touch my heart more deeply than he does. But because he is older, he is ready to have children. I love kids and want 2 or 3 of my own, but I wasn't seriously thinking about it for another 2 years... His biological clock is ticking, but he does not want to lose me, but does not want to pressure me to have kids too soon. We are both torn and heartbroken... any advice?

Answer 1

That is the real problem with such an agegap in a relationship. You're both ALWAYS going to be in different stages of your lives. Let's say you both compromise and have a baby in two years. You'll be 27; he'll be 42. Let's say you have another baby two years later. Now you're 29; he's 44. And, let's say that you decide to complete your family with a third baby. You're 31, and he's 46. Once the third baby is a 10 year-old, wanting to play catch with daddy, he's going to be 56. Is he really going to maintain that kind of energy for much longer? And, that's only if you have 3 kids over 6 years. Think about when your youngest will be a teenager, rebelling and getting into all kinds of trouble! You might be dealing with a lot of it by yourself.

I think you both need to sit down together and talk about what is so important to you, what you're willing to give up, and where you see the relationship going (all those years down the road).

My mom had me when she was 24. When I was 5, she and my dad split up, and she had to raise me by herself, more or less. That's obviously something to think about in any relationship, not just one with an agegap, but it's also something to think about.

Are you both in a financial situation where you're ready to raise a family? Have you discussed what religion/spirituality you'll raise the children, if any? What about education: homeschooling, private school, or typical school? Will you be able to start a college fund for your children? How old will you allow your children to do certain things (dating, learning about the birds & the bees, swearing, etc.)? Will you breast-feed or bottle-feed? There are so many things to think about when it comes to babies.

This isn't something that we can really advise you on. You really need to sit down with your man and figure all this out. Best of luck to you both, though!

Answer 2

.Nice to be in love but, there are things you must face. When he is 60, you will only be 45. That sounds like a long way off. It isn't, and there are huge differences between the way a 45 y/o thinks and a 60 y/o thinks. At 60 he will be thinking of slowing down. As a woman of 45 facing an empty nest, the whole world is open to you. He may not want to come along.

As for children, It is hard enough to raise kids nowadays without having to cope before you are ready. The kids will suffer. They need to be wanted by both parents. You should seek counseling to resolve this satisfactorily

If you truly love each other you can work this out. No relationship is perfect and sometimes it takes work to make it work.Good luck!!

Answer 3

There is no age limit to a man having kids. His clock doesnt really quit like a womans does. So talk to him, let him know how you feel about kids right now and see if he could wait a bit longer on the children. He is still young enough to enjoy them and will love them no matter how old he may be. But because of the difference in your ages, you are the one that has to consider if you are ready to have those children now.
Love is wonderfull no matter the ages and children makes us all feel young or old and even both some times, but it doesnt mean that just because he is older and feels its time for kids, does not mean that you should put aside how you feel about them right now.
So sit with him and discuss this with him and see if there is a solution that you both can agree on.... One could be meet him in the middle. You say to years he says now, why not talk and see if one year you both decide then. That way when you do become pregnant, your two years will have been up and you should have the mind set to have those children. But dont have them if you yourself are not completely ready for the responsibility of having them..

I have five of my own and love them very much. I was 28 when I had my first one so no worries on time and 38 when I had my last one. Just keep that in mind ok, its your choice on when to have them and it helps when you can decide together.

Answer 4

If the relationship is strong and you feel that there is no other for you, then the next logical step would be children if children is what you want. They are wonderful but take a tremdous amount of energy to raise.
The years between 40 and 50 takes it's toll on a man. Diet and fitness will be crucial for your him. I'm not sure if the 2 years you are thinking of are that important unless you have comittments like college or a career to consider.
Best wishes and good luck.

Answer 5

Here's the deal. It usually takes several months of trying before you get pregnant. Then it is an other 40 weeks of pregnancy before the baby shows up. That could be 2 or more years from now. Do you really want to lose the man you love over a baby who won't even be here until you are 27? I wouldn't.

Answer 6

well sounds to me like you are both on the same page basically. he isnt that old and your not ither i think you both have time to enjoy the relationship its only been a year its not like there is any rush for him to have kids men dont have a biological clock like women he can father kids till hes dead unless he has low sperm count or somthing.. i say wait what is the rush your obviosly not ready or you wouldnt ask this question..so hopfully he doesnt make it an issue if you were 40 thats another story with high risk pregnancies but i dont buy the clock thing sounds fishy when a man talks about his clock..

Answer 7

Guys can easily become parents into their 60s and 70s. Waiting another 2-3 years should be no big deal for the guy. Tell him you'll have kids when you both are ready..... I'd be a little wary if he starts pressuring you to get pregnant before you are really ready.

Answer 8

At least he hears when you say you aren't ready right now. You'll both enjoy and appreciate that life changing event so much more when you are both ready. But also be sensitive to his age, too. I'm sure he wants to be able to keep up with his kids, too. Good luck! Sounds like you have a very special relationship.

Answer 9

Don't have a baby until you are ready. They are our future. Don't have kids on a whim. That's 18 yrs of your life and you have only been with him for 1 yr. He wants the kid but you will be the one spending all your time with it. I'm a single dad, I have custody, Mine is 8 yrs old now and he is the best thing to happen to me but I waited till I was ready to have kids so that i would be a better father to my son. Before I wasn't ready to devote my life to that type of commitment and i wouldn't have made half as good a dad as I am now. Your life changes completely when you have children. Make sure your ready to be a mom so you can do the best you can and not regret it later. My sons mom don't have custody because she was fu**ing up bad as a mom so i had to step in and take my son from her. Don't put yourself in that position. 20's are the really fun yrs don't waist them and he should understand that, He had his fun yrs and should want to take them from you. He can still have kids for a few yrs but you can't relive the yrs you would miss now. Make sure he reads this because i don't think he is thinking from this perspective, and I'm sure he will think more of it from looking at this from different angles.

Things change when you add more factors into the equation.

Answer 10

You are at a great age for kids. I had my 1st at 21 and my last at 29. (I have four) I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to be young enough when they are out of the house to enjoy some free time while I'm still "young" (oh my husband is 10 years older than me)