me and my ex have split but tryin to remain very good friends we still close and still have feelings for each other but no longer an item. we speak on phone all time and that and tonight he said to me he working and goin in at 7pm, when i drove past his mums on my way out i seen him all dressed up getting in a car with a girl! I know he free agent but it hurt like hell and he never told n=me he was seein someone! plus he lied to me bout working, why lie?? It was his birhday last week and he came round and i got him alittle prez and he started cryin sayin he still loved me and he missed me and he gutted but now i know he seein someone so why say all that!! Help me please my head is pounding!!!!!
2006-07-29 08:50:55 · 38 answers · asked by woodentop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can NOT be friends with an ex until you are completely apart long enough to get over the relationship. That is just a way for both people to split up yet hold on to part of the relationship. The fact that it hurt you to see him with another girl is proof of that. Tell him you saw him, tell him that hurt you, tell him that pain made you realize that you can't be his friend right now and you need some time and you will let him know when you are ready. Its trying to have your cake and eat it too and it doesn't work, been there, done that. Basically you are saying we broke up but at the same time we are maintaining our relationship....well which is it? This would confuse anyones mind and heart. Make a choice and stick to it, commit to whichever choice you make, either be together or be apart. Face it things go well with this girl you will be history anyway because no woman is going to put up with a guy that hangs out with and talks to his ex everyday, and you know the power that a new relationship has. Honestly, think of the definition of ex, its someone who you ended your relationship with, and thats not what happened here. OH and by the way he lied because you are his ex and he doesn't owe you the truth anymore, besides if he told you about the girl you would actually call it quits for real and then he wouldn't have anything waiting on the back burner in case the new girl didn't work out! Use some common sense on that one. Good luck.
2006-07-29 08:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just because he is seeing someone else, it does not mean he doesn't still have feelings for you. It probably just means he is being practical. He knows he can't have you, so he's trying to move on.
His feelings may even explain some of the other things. If he knows you well, he would probably know that seeing someone else would hurt you, so he chose to protect you from that, even though it probably would have been healthier just to get it out in the open.
In the end, though, it doesn't really matter WHY he did what he did. The important part is that you know he's seeing other people. The romantic part of your relationship is over, much as it hurts. Who he sees and when is not longer your problem or even your business if he chooses not to tell you.
It's rough, I know. When my ex an I broke up, I didn't see anyone else for years, even though she started mixing again right away. Just focus on yourself instead of him, and take what steps you need to be as comfortable and happy as you can!
Contrary to what people are saying, it IS possible to be friends with an ex... you just have to be able to let go of things you no longer have any control of.
Good luck! I wish you well! ( :
2006-07-29 08:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by Doctor Why 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I have felt this pain before. Any break up is usually hard. The fact that you are still trying to be friends and know what is going on in his life is even harder. Don't torture yourself by seeing what he is doing. You two both broke up and have agreed to try to move on. He is probably still hurting, but maybe him seeing other people is easing the pain for him because he is keeping his mind on something else than hurting about you. It is easy to go on a date someone but be in a world of hurt over someone else. Allow yourself to keep active. Try surrounding yourself with other friends and family. Also, if you don't exercise already try exercising. Maybe even start a new hobby or focus on something that you are good at and would like to become better at.
Relationships are funny things. Sometimes looking back upon a break up and looking at all of the hurt, you realize that all the hurt was worth it because you move on to a better relationship for you. Obviously there was a reason that you two broke up. Take advantage of hurtful times to move on. Great things can happen when a soul is at its most vulnerable state. Use this as an opportunity to see what you really want in life and improve upon your life.
2006-07-29 08:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by soulplane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good question is why do you care so much about what he said and what he is doing? He is your ex which means you have no claims to him which I can tell you understand. I know you are confused by his "love" drama when you gave him a birthday present but the honest thing is who knows maybe he just said that to be nice or maybe he really does love you. "I love you" does not mean or equal "I want us to get back together." I still love my ex but I would not want to be in a relationship with him again. You need to emotionally let this guy go! Why are you buying him things for his birthday? A text maybe sufficient there is no need to spend money on him. You need to let him go! You will continue to get hurt if you don't!
2006-07-29 09:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need that kind of grief. You need to dump him completely, and give yourself a chance to get over him. Maybe someday in the future the two of you can be friends. Right now you are having "more than friends" feelings toward him, and he is still feeling some form of guilt, otherwise he would not have lied. Break free. No more calls, no more hanging out, and nothing else that would send a mixed message to him.
2006-07-29 08:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you would like to remain friends with your ex-husband, it is important to remember that he is your ex. Of course, you are still going to love him. I understand that you are trying to remain friends, but is that realistic? Are you really motivated by friendship or are you hoping that the two of you will eventually reconcile? It will be in the best interest of both of you to give each other a little space. Give yourself time to heal. Pretending that everything is okay and going on as if nothing happened is not healthy for you. Keep in mind that if things were so great between you and your husband that you will still be married. Good Luck!
2006-07-29 09:03:39 · answer #6 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.
You two are split.
He's moved on.
He still talks with you, because you put yourself out there for him to do that. Maybe the LUST is alive for you both, and he just wants to use you, when he can't get it elsewhere (ergo the need to lie why he's not home that night).
If you want him back, DATE him for real, and establish the dating rules.
If you don't really want him back, move on !!!
It takes time to grieve for an ended relationship, and it won't end in your heart until you complete let go.
If you decide to let go, then end the talking and the stalking completely. Get busy with other things to keep your mind occupied.
YOUR life is not all about whatever he is doing. Get rid of that mentality.
Your life is about your choices for yourself.
Be good to yourself, and be happy.
I wish you the best
stw
:)
2006-07-29 08:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactley why exes cannot stay friends. It is not possible. Obviously you want to get back together with this guy otherwise you wouldnt be driving past his house and you wouldnt be so upset that he is going on a date. Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel. I think you should either be together or nothing at all. That doesnt mean you have to hate each other but just not close friends who talk. Its the only way, in my opinion.
2006-07-29 08:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by chlobug26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
easy answer dont expect a friendship from an ex give youself time to be apart before trying to be friends h lied because he feels uncomfortable with letting you know that he has moved on while you havent he doesnt have to be your friend and thats okay you can be civil but not so available where its like youre trying to make for the relationship ending cause while youre there obssessing on him hes out enjoying himself hes trying to spare your feelings but times just being frank with someone truly get the message across. I have a box of tissue if you need it
2006-07-29 08:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For, one if you look for something you are defenitiley going to find it. You probably rode past his mother's to see if his car was there, and you saw something you didn't want to see. Number two, if you two broke up why are you still buying him presents. It's obvious you still care. Number three men will tell you exactly what you want too hear, and in the same breathe be doing something totally different. For instance, they can tell you, you are the finest woman in the world, are you going to believe that? You may think it but we all know it 's always somebody that looks better than us. Don't be so gullible.
2006-07-29 09:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by strawberry jam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋