Wanna get 10 points easy ????

Question

tell me a good joke

Answer 1

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother

Answer 2

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in public schools

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A frog walks into a bank and wants a loan. He walks up to a teller and see's that her name is Patricia Whack. He asks her for a loan, and she says " do you have some ID or collateral?" He says, "yeah, no problem. Give this little frog trinket to your manager and tell him kermit jagger wants a loan and his father's name is Mick. He'll know what to do." so Patricia goes to the manager and says, "there's a kermit jagger out here who says his dad's name is MIck. He wants a loan and said to give you this trinket. What is it?" The manager gets a shocked look on his face and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! GIVE THE FROG A LOAN! HIS OLD MAN'S A ROLLING STONE!"

Answer 3

A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one
another and started bantering back and forth about male / female
issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who
were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for
more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got
into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

He then went on for several hours arguing his point,
even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for
their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the
man was finished making his point. Confident in the
strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this - When your ear itches and you put
your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull
it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?

Answer 4

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.

Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."

Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.

Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.

The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"

He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."

Answer 5

A wife complains, "Our clock almost killed my mother today. It fell off the wall only seconds after she got up from the couch."

The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."


Ray- I read so much about the ill-effects of smoking that I gave it up.
Sumo- Good. I'm glad you gave up smoking.
Ray- Don't be silly, I gave up reading.



SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

This is the
message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted
unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This
is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about
because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be
responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The
school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's
failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children
were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough
schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member,
please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6!
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,
homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of
effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Answer 6

I read in the news that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Green Bay Packers are going to merge and form one team called the Tampax. Probably not going to be a very good team. Good for one period, then have no second strength.

Answer 7

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

and if that doesn't make you wanna give me ten points then go here: http://www.slickschoppers.com/Readers_Stories/Crazed_Squirrel.htm
Not quite sure if it happened or not but it's pretty funny.

Answer 8

it isn't a joke it is a riddle is that ok anyway
there was this magician he was practicing holdong his breath his record was 3 minutes then this kid comes along and says thats nothing i can hold my breath for 10 minutes so they made a bet that whoever help there breath the longest won $1,000,000 the kid did it and won the money. how did he do it?























































































answer: poured a cup of water over his head for 10 minutes!!!!!
ha ha ha poor magician!!!

Answer 9

Tom was fishing at Niagra with his friend Fred.

Fred told him he has a new soft ware that can answer any question in seconds in any subject!

Tom asked him "Fed! findout where is my father now?"

Fred asked the computer as Tom wanted and it replied shortly
" Tom's father is at Mombasa Beach with his new wife"

Tom was surprised and told Fred that his father is no more and he died in road accident some three years back!

Now Fred put the question to the computer where is Mrs. Valentine's (mother of Tom) husband?

The computer fut replied he is dead in a road accident?

So who is Tom?????

Answer 10

Little Johnny walks into the bathroom and sees his mum naked, Whats that! little Johnny says pointing to his mothers pubic region. Errr ... its my Nerve she says . Later that day Johnny's mother send him to the shop to buy a paint brush to paint the wall,
Johnny get the brush and his Mother starts to paint the wall but all the bristles are coming out, angrily the mother tells Johnny Take this brush back to the shop and tell the shopkeeper he can shove it up his ***!!, so Johnny goes to the shop and says, My mum said you can shove this brush up your *** in shock the shopkeeper says, Geee your mother has got a nerve!! , yes Johnny says and it got more hair on it than this brush!