I am soooo MAD!!! HELP ME PLEASE !! What do I do???

Question

So here's the deal.

My friend's mom had some housing issues.
They basically had to pack up and move to her grandmother's in Camp Springs,MD. from Greenbelt.
****(for those not from here, it's 45min away by car,and it's a 2hr train ride by metro)****
ANYWAY......my husband and I said she could stay with us because she was still working down the street from our house. She was like 7mos PREGNANT when she moved in, and she brought 3 cats, because her grandomther doesn't allow cats.
ALL WE SAID WHEN SHE CAME IS THAT SHE HAD TO PUT FOOD IN THE HOUSE.
Now I can be cluttered.But it's MY home. My living room wasn't like that. Now there's a mattress and she kicks her socks off in the floor and #@$%. It's like it's her room!!! She even left a @#$% pot on the stove of this macaroni salad for a week and let it mold!!!
My hubby was just like" Leave it...I wanna see how long she lets it stay there."
So I ended up saying something to her about it. I wasn't mean or nasty.

I just said she had to start picking up after herself. My husband felt like she just didn't care. And I let her know.
So I felt like something was wrong.
Today when she left, I read her Journal.
(SORRY)
SHE WAS TALKING **** ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND......
Saying we do dumb ****, and she wanted to be like "%$#@ you", and how she doesn't like my cooking and a bunch of other stuff......
all we asked her to do was put food in the house.
She was even complaining about buying food and litter for the cats. SO WHAT!!!
I don't know anyone that's gonna let someone stay with them and do nothing.
You should be going above and beyond, just outta apprecitation........

WHAT DO I DO???????????

Answer 1

It is very difficult , having a relative staying in your home , especially a pregnant one with 3 cats in tow!

It will take a saint to keep things running smoothly .
Deep breath Sigh

What options do you have
.
I ] get her out of your house ;
where can she go . and in her condition ( what about the father of the baby she is having ?)

2] return her to Grandmothers house --the cats ( animal rescue ?)

3] Let her stay* IF..... you lay down ground rules , for certain behaviour , get her to sign it, to keep to rules ( or its back to ,(1) )

4 ] do not allow yourself to rise to her behaviour ,and have a shouting match .

5} This is the hardest part ;
be as quiet and detached as possible. if she sticks to the rules , great, you can all live in peace.( you mean buisness)

6] do not let her begin to slip into the idea ,she can run rings around you or your husband . ,she must also share the chores

7]] . do the washing up together, and also cook together, clean up together ,when you can .,
Give her a basket or pillow case, to put her dirty washing in . and not scatter it around the floor .

8] don't let the pregnancy, be used, as an excuse for doing nothing , but do ,make sure ,she gets a rest, when she really feels tired .

it may be a hard slog but i hope it will all work out for the best , and the baby is born safely and you remain happy and sane !!

LOL!

Let us know how you get on xxx
;o)

Answer 2

Just a proposal. One day take out some time with her, make her sit beside you and feel comfortable while talking about smthing of her interest like her future plans, her likings etc. Let her feel how concerned both of you are while talking to her. Afterwards explain very politely how both of you've long nurtured the wish to have a nice big bold dog in your house. As couldn't let it happen only because thinking of her well being till date, but now as one of your close relatives is moving off permanently for too far away a place, you have no other way but to bring the poor creature to your home and look after it. Before that, you would like to ensure a safe and secured environment for her and her cats.

Sugar coats help, my dear. This is our world!

Good Luck

Answer 3

I don't think reading her journal was any of your business. Then again her taking advantage of your kindness is awful. Can you tell her that she has to go? Maybe you can come to a reasonable solution. Remember that she is pregnant and that can really change a person. They could become very nasty, maybe it's a difficult pregnancy? Plus, she may be scared being pregnant and no place to call her own. How come she isn't staying with her grandmother? She would probably be more comfortable there. Perhaps you could, in a nice way, suggest that to her.

Answer 4

There is NO reason to be mad. Period. You are allowing someone to take advantage of you and your husband.....this can only happen if you allow it to happen. So don't. Tell her that it must stop, she must move out by...... and stick to it. She is not a person I could have in my home, she appreciates nothing, and she is NOT going to change. She will ride it out as long as you allow it. So....stop being mad, tell her to move ...give her three days, and watch out for your personal belongings...she will take what she wants if you let her. She is under the impression that because you have more than she, she has every right to impose. good luck, and remember this in the future....you cannot be kind to some people...they will slap you down every time. There is a good reason for most people being down, and they always bite the hand that feeds them. Good luck

Answer 5

shame on you for reading her journal! what an insult, she is obviously a careless person and you knew you'd read bad things judging by the way she's disrespected your hospitality. Tell her you reconsidered her stay and she needs to find a place to go. DO NOT INSULT her or point out what she has or hasn't done, you run the risk of her trashing your house and risk her refusing to leave. Just tell her your house isn't big enough and you need your space and privacy back. It's unfortunate when caring people do not get treated with the respect they deserve, don't bring yourself to this persons level and use your head.

Answer 6

I'm not sure about her income, or what the cost of living is where your at, but perhaps ask her about her plans to establish a home for her and her baby. It seems that she needs a little direction in getting herself motivated to get her own place. Even if that meant that she had to go to an actual shelter, though to some that would seem heartless, the truth is it would make her eligible for housing and in the long run she would end up having her own affordable place, that is, if her income is the main problem for attaining her own place.

Answer 7

It really is all about boundaries. I'm glad you weren't mean or nasty when you confronted her about the macaroni. Stay in control of yourself, and don't feel guilty about setting the boundaries. You have every right to ask her to be clean and respect your home. You are trying to help her. You are under no obligation to feel responsible for another person. To them, not for them. Caring about them does not mean you are their caretaker. She sounds like she has some growing up to do. If she remains ungrateful in her attitude, I'd say the cats can stay but you're outa here.

Answer 8

It sounds like you don't really have much of a friendship to worry about ruining, so I'd just be frank with her. Tell her that she needs to seriously shape up, stop being a leech and start being responsible; or else get out. I understand how that could be an especially difficult thing to ask of her given that she is pregnant, but that is her responsibility... not yours. I seriously pity the child she plans to bring into the world.

Answer 9

ok who give a s*** if she dont like ur cooking shes old enough to cook 4 her self isnt she!! she should b glad u guys let her stay, but she sounds like a freakin pig!anyways kick her out thats ur house and shes living under ur rules if she like it or not, i dont even know how u put up with so much and if she was a friend then let her know that u dont want her their anymore because shes taking over ur living space.she has job and money she can find somewhere else give her a week or so to find another place to stay.

Answer 10

Kick her out and the sooner the better. Helping people who appreciate the help and try to pull their own weight is one thing but putting up with someone who is using you and not grateful for what she is receiving is not for me. I would have kicked her out long before the macaroni grew mold.