Insecurities and Instability in relationship (my fiancee's that is): as much help as possible, please!!!!!!!!!

Question

My fiancee and i are taking a vacation from one another for some time, because she said that she needed time to figure things out about her life. She says that she is sad because of her instability about her goals and herself, and all that she knows that she wants is to be with me, she just does not know when. She then goes and asks me for help to help her figure things out, but then when i try to help, she no longer wants my help. I have been trying to be very understanding, but i am just confused. I do not really know what to do; i want to give her the space she needs, but i want to help her as well. it is very hard for me to adjust from a very intimate relationship with a long future, to a very uncertain relationship with a shaky future. I just do not know what to do. What can i do??????

Answer 1

What she's saying to you is code-speak for not wanting to get married. She's trying to be nice about it but does not want to get married--- and it has nothing to do with you and is not personal, so don't feel bad about it. It's not you. Seriously. If you insist on trying to help her when she's pushing you off, you will ruin any further chances of reconciliation.
It happens all the time when the people involved are young and don't know what they really want, especially since they haven't had many experiences with life or with others. With time comes the experiences and knowledge needed to establish real goals for the future--- and marriage is a HUGE commitment, which your fiancee understands. Romance's illusions dissolve in the face of day to day reality.
Believe me, speaking from my and others' experiences, it's a lot easier to not commit legally than to dissolve a marriage once you've discovered you're not truly compatible. The impact financially and emotionally on yourselves and your children, if you have any can be devastating.

Let her go with love, kindness, and understanding. Life goes on. Immerse yourself in school, work, your hobbies, become creative. Socialize. Learn from this as you mature and discover more about yourself so you can give more of yourself to your true future wife.
Seldom do marriages made when young ever work out. If you had gotten married, how would you feel if she did this afterwards?

If she agrees to it, why not try living together for a few years first?
No more mentioning marriage, no pressure for children, just supporting each other and learning who she is and you are before drawing up papers.

~Wishing you both the best~

Answer 2

all of it sounds terrible and that i'm sorry for you. did no longer you have some style of attorney once you and the ex divorced?? i think of that's time so you might touch him. issues like baby help and visitation have been settled on the time you divorced. If the ex is stressful greater etc., then that's a legal remember. As for the fiancee, she has a precise for it slow and interest. I doubt that the matters you're experiencing call for it slow twenty 4 hours in line with day. comprise her on your life and ask her that may assist you with this occasion.

Answer 3

It sounds like your girlfriend has her own "demons" to deal with. The best thing you can do is step back. By doing so, you are helping her decide what she wants from your relationship. Let her miss you so that she can re-evaluate what she really wants. If you push and try to stay near her and "help", you will only push her away. Nothing in life is certain, try to calm down, pray and have faith that whomever is meant for you will come. P.S. - I've been in your shoes and I did stay and did push/try to help and he ran away.

Answer 4

I know it's confusing and very difficult for you but just try to be the shoulder she needs to lean on. You can't really help her find her own stability and security but you can show her that you are one thing that she can count on.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Let more time pass!
And eat peanut butter!