Tell me a joke! Now!?

Answer 1

there were three men on top of a mountain when a ginni appeared and said they could each have one wish, all they had to do was jump off and say it and they would each land safly on the ground with there wish.so the first man jumped off saying bird and flue away as a bird.they the second man said fish and fell to the stream as a fish.then the third man tried to jump, tripped over a rock and said crap.

Answer 2

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in public schools

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A frog walks into a bank and wants a loan. He walks up to a teller and see's that her name is Patricia Whack. He asks her for a loan, and she says " do you have some ID or collateral?" He says, "yeah, no problem. Give this little frog trinket to your manager and tell him kermit jagger wants a loan and his father's name is Mick. He'll know what to do." so Patricia goes to the manager and says, "there's a kermit jagger out here who says his dad's name is MIck. He wants a loan and said to give you this trinket. What is it?" The manager gets a shocked look on his face and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! GIVE THE FROG A LOAN! HIS OLD MAN'S A ROLLING STONE!"

Answer 3

Childless Couple
There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.

"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.

Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."

And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.

While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.

Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.

"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"

"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.

"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.

"To blow out that candle you lit!"

Answer 4

An office secretary goes into the Human Resources manager to file a sexual harassment complaint.

"He's always telling me how good I smell" she complains, "it's just so inappropriate!"

The manager replies "well I understand you may feel uncomfortable, but I don't see how this violates any company guidelines. If this continues, come back and talk to me and we'll try to work something out."

Several weeks go by, and the woman goes back to the HR Manager. "Every morning he still tells me how good I smell, there must be something you can do about it!"

The HR Manager thinks for a moment. "Well, we've looked into every avenue possible, and this just doesn't qualify as sexual harassment."

Frustrated, the woman storms out of the office. One week later, she returns. "This has got to stop. Either you do something about this, or I'm quitting."

The manager again thinks for a moment. "Well, maybe if we sit down and explain how uncomfortable this makes you, he'll understand and stop. Who has been making these comments to you?"

"Bob the midget."

Answer 5

Q: What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle?
A: A doughnut!

Q: What always ends everything?
A: The letter "G"!

Q: What is the difference between a bird and a fly?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can not bird!

Q: To whom do people always take off their hats?
A: Hairdressers!

Q: Why do you always find things in the last place you look?
A: Because when you have found it you stop looking!

Q: Why do you always walk with the right foot first?
A: Because when you put one foot forward the other is always left behind!

Q: What always falls without getting hurt?
A: Rain!

Q: What word is always pronounced wrong?
A: Wrong!

Answer 6

wats a ghosts fav topping on a sandwhicch? BOOlonga! HAHAHA

and

(no offense) yo mommas so fat her car is made of spandex

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.

Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."

Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.

Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.

The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"

He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."

Answer 7

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

Answer 8

a lady walks into the dr office for an ultrasound and finds out shes going to have a baby girl. The dr says congratulations what are you going to name it.. She said thats easy I will name her Chris.. He asks do you have any other children she says yes I have 9 kids 4 boys 5 girls and they all are named Chris. He says wow, how do you call them all in for dinner,
She says easy I just yell CHRIS and they all come. Well what if you are going away, Same way I just call Chris and they all come a runnin. Well he says what if you just want one child, she says thats easy, I just call them by their last name..

Answer 9

In school a teacher was teaching a 1st grade class."John, can you come up here and say your abc's.'' John said ''ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO...QRSTUVWXYZ.'' What about P'' asked the teacher. To which John replied''Its going down my legs.



Q.whats the diffrence between a train and a teacher?

A.the train says choo choo and the teacher says spit that gum out

Answer 10

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.