A conscience proble, help please (especially if you're a parent)?

Question

Im 13 and yesterday was studying with a friend at her home. We ended up alone. She suggested we had some wine, I knew it was wrong, but....Then, I felt really bad and decided to tell my parents and apologize, without blaming my friend. She's not responsible for my mistakes. They are wonderful, trust me, we have an excellent relationship. If I'm honest I may be grounded for 1 day or 2 but think they will forgive and I wont loose their trust. But my friend`s parets are kinda harsh and Im afraid if I tell my parents they must feel it's their duty to talk with my friend`s parents. She's afraid she'll get a really harsh punsihment and so I don't know what to do. I have 2 options: 1) Tell the truth to my parents.In this case, I can't omit my friend's name without lying and I won't lie. She may get a harsh punishment and will hate me forever 2) Keep the thing in secrecy and, of course, never make the same mistake again. But then, my conscience will burn inside me. Help me decide, please!

Answer 1

I would suggest you talk to your parents and ask them not to say anything to the other parents and give them the reason why. If your parents really understand they won't say anything and you will still have their trust not to do it again. Remember trust goes both ways.

Answer 2

way to go, sweetie!!! you know what you SHOULD do!!! i bet your parents would really appreciate your honesty, and i know i would really be proud of my own children if they did something "wrong" and confessed... it would truly build my trust in them, and i'm sure your parents will be the same. i'm not saying that they wont be upset, but the most important thing is that you told them the TRUTH! let them know your concerns about your friend, but if you talk it out w/ her, let her know that you felt bad and needed to tell. if she is someone half as honest and sweet as you seem, she will forgive and forget... even if it takes a little bit of time. i have been through a lot w/ my own friends while growing up, and we have made it just fine!!! but, keeping secrets from your parents is not a safe option, it will only lead to many lies and guilty feelings in the long run!!! your parents must have done a wonderful job raising you thus far, and i'm certain that your being honest will prove this fact! they are lucky to have a beautifully trustworthy daughter like you!!! i know that you will make the right decision, take care!!!

Answer 3

Let me see if I can help. When I was about your age me and a friend on the football team were sleeping over and his mom and dad were on the lenient side of right and wrong in their beliefs. We played board games and we shared a beer out of the fridge. It was totally against what my parents beliefs are and probably not accepted by my friends either however, we did not get caught, didn't do it again and the beer was never missed. Our sense of right and wrong was in the right place but if he had told my parents they were of the mind set that I would have been grounded and lost their trust anyway. Sometimes we have to take into consideration the seriousness of the action and the results of actions that would ease our concience. If it bothers you that you actually drank some wine use it as a learning experience and next time say no and use this as a reason. There wasn't anyone hurt and not damage to anyone. To clear your concience at the expense of your friend that stands to lose substantially from what you say seems to me to be extreme. If you learned from the experience should that be enough to clear your concience and does it really have to be a marked event with either of the parents. You will learn that in growing up you will be responsible for a lot of your own learning and some of that learning will be to weigh the price that is paid and by whom in some circumstances. Your morals and upbringing seem to be higher than the norm and I applaud that. Just think about how serious is the event that it is worth all the press and is it serious enough event to endanger your friends trust. Your learning should be valuable enough to let the situation lay as it is. Your friend may have learned the same and if so why the additional risk of punishment. I think that you are grown up enough to realize that publicizing the event will do more harm than good. There is no violation of trust in your parents as you have learned on your own and that is one of the major points of maturity. If you choose to let the situation be as it is with no further action you are well on your way to making adult decisions. Tough place to be at 13 but I think that you will do ok. Ask yourself if you had said no to the wine, would your friend have drank anyway? How much of her trouble would you be responsible for? Is it really that important to make it public to over reactive parents on a one time basis? Ask the questions and you will usually arrive at the right answer. Good luck to you and your friend. Sounds like you guys are fortunate to have one another as friends.

Answer 4

Tell your parents, of course, but ask them if they can present the issue to the other parents in a kind, gentle way. They will have to tell them, and your friend may get a more severe punishment than you got, but, each family deals with things in their own way and you really can't keep your friend from being punished.

You sound like a terrific 13 year old! Keep trusting your own sense of right and wrong throughout your adolescence and you will be fine! Remember that it's OK to say NO to friends.

Best wishes from a grandma-aged person.

Answer 5

You should definately tell your parents. It will keep you from feeling guilty and keep the relationship with your parents strong and trusting.

I agree with another answer that you should tell your friend that you're telling your parents. That way she doesn't feel like you're going behind her back. If she gets angry, know that you are doing the right thing and she'll get over it.

By keeping it a secret you're building your friendship on behaviors that you know are wrong. Also, if she's drinking secretly, she may be on the path to having a real problem. If her parents find out, they can help her.

Answer 6

Talk to your friend FIRST - see what she says maybe she has a suggestion. If she is a good friend, she will understand your pangs of conscious. Then if she is ok with the consequences... Tell your parents all this. I don't know your parents, but it sounds like you have the great luck and luxury of having a good relationship with them and that they are understanding. Tell them all this, your problem with it. Maybe they will understand.

Maybe you can make sure the way you tell it your friend didn't come off as a bad influence. Maybe even if you say it was your idea and not your friends, they will not be thinking your friend is responsible.

Answer 7

um, if you feel that your telling will cause some huge gap between you and your friend, then maybe you should talk to her before you talk to your parents. Tell her how you feel and that you do not want her to put you in that situation ever again. I mean, obviously, you feel very strongly about it; but, if you felt that strongly, you would not have done it in the first place. See what your friend says about it and if she seems apologetic, maybe keep it between the two of you. At least she will know where u stand when it comes to drinking. If she is not apologetic and makes you feel bad about your choice, then go to your parents. She is not a true friend if she is not understanding. Good luck with your decision and God Bless.

Answer 8

As a parent, tell them! Your parents will continue to trust you will go to them when something is bothering you or if you've done something wrong. By not telling them, you could lose that closeness you have with them. I've been thru this myself...it's much harder to earn the trust back then to lose it.
As for your friend, your parents may tell her parents...if so, she may be upset at you for doing the right thing...but if she's a best friend she will forgive and forget. If not, she wasn't the type of friend you thought she was.

Answer 9

When you say her parents are "harsh", do you mean they would beat or hit her if they found out? Or are they just really strict?

I'm normally on the side of telling parents everything, but there are times when you know you did something wrong and learned your lesson, so you really don't need any additional punishment. This may be one of those times.

How much wine did you both have? A few sips, falling down drunk, etc? If it was just a few sips, I would advise you to keep your mouth shut. If you or your friend got drunk, then you really do need to tell your parents, and hers.

Answer 10

sturdy question. the way I see it... is that the guy's judgment of right and incorrect is the default point morality that each and each physique people are in many cases hardwired to. this is acceptable to all people irrespective nationality, creed etc etc. Then the socialisation and conditioning technique starts. so as that even although a individual could at face fee develop up in a Islamic society which includes Pakistan, no count if this is riddled with ethical contradictions (subjugation of girls folk, neo-khawarij polemicists etc etc), then the guy is reared in this form of hate-crammed subculture. As for the Sharia intervening and overriding what the human could evaluate in basic terms, this is a perplexing territory. My view is that having a Prophet PBUH among our midst is distinctive to the time we live in now. The Islamic penal code related to capital punishments should not be performed - till we've an Islamic society. ordinarily tyrants have used Islam to legitimise their unlawful rule (Taliban, Zia ul Haq etc etc). Their first act is to impose capital punishments and dedicate crimes against women folk. If the Prophet PBUH had all started his challenge with those 2 measures, my theory is that Islam could by no ability have prospered. The religiously honest ought to coach inner maximum morality extremely than situation approximately public morality.

Answer 11

I think it depends a lot on your parents. Firstly talk to your friend. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? If yes then convince them that you just wanted to try something new and gone to far, the promise it won't happen again.
If not, and you know they won't understand, then don't tell them, it's your business, and live with it and never do it again, at least not until you're in your mid 20's. Either way it's not my decision because I don't know your parents, you do, so good luck.