does anybody have any good jokes?

Answer 1

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you, anyway."

Answer 2

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in public schools

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A frog walks into a bank and wants a loan. He walks up to a teller and see's that her name is Patricia Whack. He asks her for a loan, and she says " do you have some ID or collateral?" He says, "yeah, no problem. Give this little frog trinket to your manager and tell him kermit jagger wants a loan and his father's name is Mick. He'll know what to do." so Patricia goes to the manager and says, "there's a kermit jagger out here who says his dad's name is MIck. He wants a loan and said to give you this trinket. What is it?" The manager gets a shocked look on his face and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! GIVE THE FROG A LOAN! HIS OLD MAN'S A ROLLING STONE!"

Answer 3

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label.

Henry Buses had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it.
She looked up the number for the record shop and called them.

Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body."

She said, "Do you have 'Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?"

Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!"

A slight pause.

The lady said, "Is that a record?"

"I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."

Answer 4

So, there's a snail. He goes to a car dealership to buy a car. He buys a Z-car. But he tells the dealership he wants all z's changed to s's. The dealership does as he asked. Next week, the snail got his car. When he drove it down the road, he went super fast. Everyone who saw his car zoom by said, "Wow! Look at that S-Car-Go!

Get it? Escargot?

Answer 5

2 men go duck hunting they shoot at the ducks the do goes out comes back & barks 4 times & points in the clearing theres 4 ducks. again they shoot at ducks the dog goes out comes back barks 7 times & points they go in the clearibg & theres 7 ducks. the other man says I'll give you $5,000 for the dog the man says no the other man says I'll give you $10,000, the man says yes. 2 wks go by & the other man goes out hunting withhis new dog, he shoots at the sky full of ducks, the dog goes out & comes back w/ a stick in his mouth & starts humping his leg, he knocks the dog off himm & says go out & find me the ducks, the dog comes back w/ a stick in his mouth & starts humping his leg again. he figures the dog went mad & knocks the dog off him & shoots him dead. He goes back to the hunter who sold him the dog & tells him he went mad & wants his miney back. he tells the man about the dog with the stick in his mouth & started humping his leg & that he shot the dog dead after he did it twice. the hunter who owened the dog said you idiot he was trying to tell you that theres more ******* ducks that you can shake a stick at.

Answer 6

check jokeaday.com

Answer 7

poopheds

Answer 8

go here http://www.slickschoppers.com/Readers_Stories/Crazed_Squirrel.htm